Hi everybody! I'm new to this community, and am hoping that I can use it to sort through my personal confusion with the support and aid of others who have experienced similar things, as well as offer my own advice when I feel qualified, however marginal my experience may be. I'm 16 years old and have been questioning my sexuality for some time (over two years now). I'm really getting to the point where I've become extremely frustrated and am seeking some kind of identity, even if it is fluid, because currently, I have no idea. During my early adolescence, I was physically and emotionally attracted to girls...there was nary a thought of being bi or gay in my head, if I can recall correctly, at least not a conscious one. I think I've always been aroused by some boys, but I never considered doing anything sexual with them until my freshman year of high school. It began as bicuriosity, but then my attraction to women dramatically waned toward the end of that year, and throughout most of sophomore year, I had little to no physical attraction to women and a not particularly strong, but always present, physical attraction toward men (I was, however, emotionally drawn to girls). At the beginning of this school year, my desire toward men intensified, both physically and romantically, and I began to increasingly consider myself gay, or at least strongly gay-leaning bisexual. After seemingly "coming out" to myself a few weeks ago, however, I realized my physical attraction to women returning, and as of right now, well...I'm kind of not sure where to turn. I have virtually no sexual experience (does a half-second kiss with a girl in eighth grade count...?) and only slightly more romantic experience (dopey-eyed drooling after several unattainable targets, 'cause I'm just that awesome). It's just that my attractions fluctuate so dramatically...sometimes when I think about sex with women it doesn't do much for me, other times it turns me on, and a few times it's actually disgusted me...my attractions for men have been pretty consistent. I think a lot, and oftentimes my psychology can have a strong effect on me physically, so that might be a factor...honestly, at this point, I'd rather be gay or gay-leaning bi than anything. It just feels more right to me, but at the same time, I don't want to label myself as something I'm not. Anyway, I've been rambling a lot. If you've made it this far without being nauseated by my sickening self-indulgence, I commend you. No, seriously, thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm just wondering if anybody has experienced/is experiencing similar things, and if they could share. I know I'm not supposed to label myself, but I'd love to have an idea of who I like. Any feedback is sincerely appreciated. Thank you!!! :icon_bigg
First of all, Welcome to EC (^_^)^. The desire to put a label on yourself and 'have things figured out' is something that most of us would seek or prefer. However, it is important that we arent so quick to figure things out that we dont allow ourself to actually grow into the true people we are. Our early youth is the most common point when we will see the most changes in ourself both sexually and emotionally, and while some of us may have everything figured out from the begining. Some of us will need a little more time to 'test the waters' and consider different possibilities. At this point is seems as though you are certain and almost hopeful in your attraction to men, but a little confused with where you stand with women. While it is more likely that you could be homosexual at this point, there is no use in trying set boundaries when they arent really needed. Be honest with yourself and label yourself what feels right at the moment. Orientation isnt about what is mathematically correct, its about what feels right and applies to you.
