Hi everyone. I think I may have a crush on a girl my best friend works with, and I don't know what to do about it. I've always identified as "straight" (whatever that means), and this is really freaking me out. I feel like I'm obsessed with her...I really want to spend time with her, I look at her facebook pictures all the time, and I get SO excited when she sends me a text or a facebook message or something. When I ask if she wants to hang out and she says no, I feel really rejected and sad, and weirdly embarrassed that I asked her in the first place. My biggest worry is that she thinks I'm creepy or desperate. I'm always the one to initiate asking her to hang out and pretending to visit my friend at work just in the hopes that I'll run into her. I get butterflies in my stomach just walking up to where she works and I get really nervous talking to her. I am afraid of pushing her away by acting too desperate to spend time with her, but its really painful to not see her. I wish I had never met her so I wasn't having these feelings. I wish there was someway to forget about her. I feel like a creep and a stalker and like there's something wrong with me. I've been asked out on dates by guys recently, and I just have no interest in them at all because I just want to be with her. The most painful thing about the whole situation, is that I can't tell my best friend anything about it because he keep accusing me of being "obsessed" with her which is like a dagger in my heart because that's exactly what I'm afraid of. I tried telling him once that I had a crush on her and it DID NOT go well. He got angry and said I was just saying that to get attention and cause drama because he also has a crush on her. I feel so alone and like there's no one who understands what I'm going through, and like I'm crazy and weird. I can't talk to anyone about it because I feel like they'll judge me. Any advice that anyone can give me would be so amazing. Should I try to never contact her again and leave her alone so she doesn't have to deal with me? Is she maybe not weirded out by me and its not as big a disaster as I think? Does this mean I'm gay or what?? I need advice!!! Oh my the way...she's definitely straight. She keeps talking about her ex boyfriend.
Hi, First of all, it seems like you have a few things going on here. You are having a crush on a girl for the first time, which obviously you would like to discuss with your best friend, but unfortunately, you are crushing on the girl that he also likes. So he is not being very supportive. Don't think that his lack of support is because of your feelings for a girl, I think it is more likely that it's because he doesn't want to be "be in competition" with his best friend for the girl he likes and it probably makes him feel jealous, which is making him lash out. So for now, I would probably suggest that you try and speak to a different friend about your feelings if that is possible, if not, then maybe you can go to your friend, calmly and tell him how you feel, i.e. that you are having these feelings, you are scared and confused and need his support. But that you appreciate it is difficult for him as he likes the girl... Hopefully that will elicit a more supportive response and you will have someone to talk too. As for the girl, it's difficult to advise. You say she's straight because she has an ex-boyf, well I'm not sure that is "evidence" as such. However, she may well be, in which case, I would advise you to tread carefully. As you could end up getting hurt here, especially with your best friend in the mix too. If it were me, I would just try and take a step back from the situation and distract myself for a few days. Meet up with other friends, talk to someone about how you are feeling and then either wait until your paths cross naturally again at your friend's work or if you think she might want to do a certain thing - ie. see a film that's just coming out etc., ask her. Finally, you're not a creep or a stalker. You're just a girl with a crush on someone with all the excitement/nerves/obsessive feelings that a crush brings. It happens to everyone, whether it's a straight/gay crush... So try not to beat yourself up to much. Hope you find someone to talk to.
