I feel so terrible right now. I realize the following few sentences are going to be terribly stupid sounding, but it's whats led me to this. Every time I see a happy couple - straight or gay - my chest hurts. I was watching a tv show and the man proposed to the woman and she said yes after seasons of back and forth between them. My heart broke. Those actors portrayed more happiness than I've EVER felt. I just got out of a relationship because as much as I wanted it to, it wasn't making me happy. She wasn't the right one for me. I'm afraid, so terribly afraid, that I will die old and alone, never having found happiness with myself or with someone else in a relationship. This sucks. I just want to be happy. Even if it's just with myself.
Don't worry-I'm sure it'll get better. Think of it this way--you're saving up, much like one might postpone evolving a Pokémon so it learns a good move.
Hello my ambisextrous gentleman .. this is the 3rd time I am writing this post due to electricity outage :lol: .. I may be laughing but believe me I am burning with rage ... Sorry about your relationship breaking down but look at it like this .. if it wasn't the right one then it wasn't meant to be .. and in that case its much better that it ended now before it got even messier .. so don't feel sad about it ... As for finding happiness .. well .. happiness isn't really something you find by luck .. you have to work for it .. and not just you .. both you and your loved one .. if you love someone who doesn't care about you (or the other way around) .. there is no happiness to be found in that relationship .. happiness is something to be achieved by time and love of both the people involved ... Just to give you example .. the scene you just mentioned .. and I will even quote your own words "the man proposed to the woman and she said yes after seasons of back and forth between them" .. SEASONS .. of back and forth .. it wasn't like "I love you" .. "Oh .. I love you too lets get married" .. happy ever after .. the end .. its not like that ... The whole reason why you were affected by that scene comes from the fact that you watched all of what happened between those 2 for a long time .. you saw the good and the bad .. the truth and the false .. the ups and downs .. that is how happiness is achieved by both people caring and loving each other .. they both wanted it and found it after they went through a lot ... Go out .. find something to do that you love .. and wade through life doing it .. while doing just that you will meet a lot of people .. and form relationships with them .. good and bad .. one of those people you meet is going to be the person you will find your happiness with .. and s/he will find his / her happiness with you too ...
Ambisextrous... I love it! Someonelost, this is how I felt in my first relationship. I was "with her" but at the same time, we saw each other like once a month, and she felt very little affection for me. I saw other couples ostensibly happy and it almost made me choke up, for all my loneliness even with a girlfriend. Now I've got a new one. We are together all the time, and mostly happy, but not perfect. Now I want out. Not all is as it seems, and there is a good chance that you are better off than a good chunk of couples you see out and about. These things have a way of settling in place at one time or another.
I just wish I could learn to be happy with myself. I'll take your advice though, and see what I can do with it.
Dude, I know how you feel. Before my crush, I secretly longed for someone I could be close too, a soulmate, but I never put an effort into finding them. I guess I thought that in order to be happy, I had to find someone who was like a mirror of me, who shared my every interest, etc. After I met my crush (though the relationship never really flowered, it's just fizzling now), I realized that I could seriously love someone who was very different than myself. We shared a few core interests, but he was into making art and music, two hobbies I wasn't into (at the time, his music interest rubbed off onto me ). He also looked a lot different than the other people I've been attracted too. I realized that the reason I had felt love so rarely was not because other people didn't meet my standards, but because I just never tried to get to know them. I'd meet people, and based upon a superficial evaluation decide I wasn't interested, or that it couldn't work. What I'm saying is, you've got to get out there, think about what traits need to be in a person for you to find them attractive, and then think "Now where would I be most likely to meet a person like that?". Say you really like digital art, are you likely to just happen to meet someone at work who not only is a digital artist, but also happens to have the right combination of personality traits and looks to be attractive to you? Not really. So rather than just hoping to meet someone while you go about your normal life, go out and look for them. If you like digital art, attend a digital art convention, join a club, etc. Somewhere where there's people who you know all definitely share a major interest of yours, all that's left is to see if any of them have the other traits you find attractive. It's like panning for gold, really.
