So I work in a predominatly female job, I have only ever had boyfriends or been attracted to men... I recently went on a work trip with a co-worker, she is openly a lesbian and has been since she was 14 she is now 34. I am 29 years old and while on this trip we became closer as friends, but things changed somewhere along the way... we ended up sharing a very passionate kiss and a couple more kisses after that. She said she is willing. To wait for me to figure things out... I don't understand what's going on nor do I understand the intense feelings I am having for her and wanting to be with her. Am I confused? How could I be 29 years old and never know or is this just a phase or just something that happened because we spend so much time together. I'm scared of what this could me, I have always been a people pleaser and I fear that if this is "me" then I may not live up to it with the fear of disapointing those around me but at the same time I dont want to be un happy for the rest of my life. So yeah I am really confused, but I do know that I dont think I have ever had a better kiss then the one that was between my co-worker and I. Thanks now for anyones advice.
Sexuality is fluid and it could change over the years. Allow for gray areas in your life. I completely understand fear. I'm still scared about coming out and i'm married to a man. I guess the only way of creating the life we want is to dump the old life upside down and start new. Even if that is still incorporating some of the old back into the new.
This issue involves two people - you and her. It doesn't have anything to do with your lifestyle, or your previous boyfriends, or the sexual identity you list on facebook, or anything else you want to innumerate. If you choose to have another smooch session (or beyond), you don't then need to go back through your life and "redraw" all the lines. You kissed her. You really enjoyed it. She'd like some more. Do you? If you do, then the only issue is whether getting involved might prove problematic at work. Let's say you give it a go, and something goes wrong, and you end up wanting some distance between you two. Will that be possible in your current work environment? Can you make it so without too much difficulty? If none of that is an issue, and you'd like to give a go, do so. Lex
I guess what I am also scared and confused of is my co-worker she says she is understanding and that I can trust her and talk with her but I'm afaid to. I am not normally such a scared person I usually know what I want and go after it, if I don't know I figure it out. I dont know how to be with a woman and it scares the crap out of me and I dont want to hurt her in the process of me figuring things out or change the relationship we had before any of this happened. I know on both are parts that regardless of what happens that both of us can stay professional with in our work place, we work in direct care of clients so we are both client focus, even with the kiss we have shared it has not impacted our work. And to answer your question I do want to kiss again I really enjoyed it.
Hi, I think you should try and get to the bottom of what you are afraid of. You say you are scared several times, and if it's just fear because of what others will think of you, then yeah, it's scary to come out, but like you say, sometimes you have to take the plunge and face dfficult things for the sake of a loving relationship, which could potentially make you happy for the rest of your life.. But you also say you are scared because you don't know how to be with a woman, and I'm wondering if you are scared because of your relative inexperience with women vs. her 10+ years (I think you said since she was a teen, so just guessing there). Because if that's what is holding you back, you shouldn't let it. Everyone has to start somewhere, and being with a woman is just like being with a man, it takes openness, good communication and a lot of fun to get the best out of it. So relax, go with the flow, and you'll find your way in no time. And I'm sure this woman will help you along. I hope you sort through things and find your path. Just remember that the decisions you make should be for your benefit first and foremost, everyone else will deal in the end.
It sounds like you've been up front with her about things, and I don't see any reason not to continue to do so. Let her know you're interested, but there are two things that are worrying you: 1. you've never done anything with a woman, and so won't know what to do 2. you're worried that your hesitancy and uncertainty might negatively impact her My guess is that she can put your mind at ease about both of those factors. Lex
