Ok so hi I'm shovelman I'm about to turn 20 soon and i feel like I'm ready to try to come out to some people but I'm really scared and because of it I have lots of anxiety and I haven't been eating or sleeping well for a bit now and it's "killing me" I guess I could say. So like I said I'm about to turn 20 and feel like I could come out to my best friend who is straight but the problem is that he's really christian and I feel that me coming out to him could drive a wedge between us and I don't know if I could handle that now especially since my parents are got separated and it left me with mix feelings about my mom since she was the one that decided to leave my dad, but anyways I have talked with my best friend on similar topics and he has told me I could trust him with anything so I don't know if he thinks that I might be gay or what but I had a chance to tell him and I got scared and decided I wasn't ready to tell him but i really want to since I feel I could really trust him. Ok so now I'm living with my dad and because of the separation we have become very close more than we have ever been but he's homophobic and doesn't really like gay people. I want to come out to my best friend first and see how he takes it so I can get enough confidence in my self that I have someone close to me who accepts me for who I am and then tell my dad but I'm not sure how, so... any advice?
When I told my friends from church school I just said hey I need to talk to you and knees you not to judge me the I said im a lesbian and I know this goes against what we were taught growing up and im sorry if you dont approve but I feel like I can trust you so thank you for letting me tell you
take this as worth a grain of salt because i'm not in your shoes and i don't know these people that you speak of anywhere near as well as you do, but... ...i think that if either of these people really (and i mean REALLY) care about you, they should be able to come to terms with you being gay and accept you for who you are. eventually. you have to understand that there is the very real chance that they may reject you or be in denial when you first tell them. do you feel confident that you can take such a reaction in stride? that you will be able to deal with possible bad reactions at first if it means that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel? because i really think that that's how you need to approach coming out to them. this isn't to say that there's no chance that they might actually take you coming out very well because they in fact might take it very well. just make sure you think about how you will cope with various reactions from either of them if you are going to come out. make sure that you are really ready first so that you do what's best for you. just my 2 cents.
I get what your saying and it could very well turn out that way but I'm afraid of what my dad could such as kicking me out and my mom has moved out of state so it's not like I could go to her place if things turn out bad and I could see my dad doing such a thing because in the past he has answered to some questions from some relatives that take the possibility of me or my brother to turn out gay and he has answered that he hasn't raised a gay son so there for would not accept it and wouldn't like to be near them! and this answer was given no more 4 months ago so I don't know what I would do if it came to that.
hmm.... i would definitely hold off on telling your dad until you have moved out and are independent, in that case. it's definitely not worth the risk telling him at this point, in my opinion. do you feel you can trust your friend to not out you to anyone, including to your dad...?
I know that no matter how he takes it he would keep his word and not tell anyone if I asked him to and he would probably still remain as a friend but not so close as a best friend that he is now and there would most likely be a lot of space between us if he didn't accept the fact that I'm gay. As for my dad, I guess I could probably wait till I have a job (just moved back from living with my mom a few months ago) and enough money saved so that I could a least try to live on my own if things turn out bad.
Yeah, it can be scary sometimes. You WANT to come out because that's who you are - there's a great probability that coming out will make you and your friends feel more open to each other, and you might want to find a boyfriend! However, there's also this lingering thought in your head about some melodramatic consequence occurring. My opinion, from experience, is that even the people who don't approve of it will come around with time if they love you. I know it seems like something that could ruin things, but I think you'll be surprised about how people react - remember, in some cases you're the first gay person that these people know, and you'll be the one to shatter their illusions. :]
sounds like he's a good friend, overall. hopefully he will come around given whatever time/space he may need at first. just make sure you're ready, as i said in my previous post, and hopefully things will turn out well between you and your friend in the end. best of luck.
Thank you, and with that I think I will tell my best friend next time we hang out so I can tell him directly and hopefully he accepts me for who I am and our friendship can even become stronger if he accepts it although I will probably hang on telling my dad until I'm sure that I can take whatever comes next based on his decision.
Alright my best friend just left and yes best friend, he it took so well even though it goes against some of his believes and because of that he said that he won't completely agree with it at the beginning but he said he wants to put effort to understand because I'm mean that much to him. I nearly cried but I held it together and I'm happy now that he knows and he is OK with it and really appreciates that I have that much trust in him to let him know this other side of my life that no one else knows about and it seem like our friendship will only get stronger from here on out. I'd like to thank everyone here who listened (or read XP) and gave me some advice and raise up the courage to tell him. I just hope my Dad takes it well when his time to know comes around.
Congratulations for coming out to your friend! It's great to hear that he accepted you and is willing to put the effort into your friendship. I think coming out to your dad isn't as risky as you had thought because he has already lost his wife. Is he willing to lose his child too? Perhaps he will be more concerned for your wellfare and will try his best to give support. Just something to think about.
congrats, shovelman. i'm glad it went so well with your friend. i hope your relationship with him continues to be as strong as or stranger than it is now.
Alright so tomorrow I'll be meeting with a friend I haven't seen in over a year but we have maintained contact very frequently and I trust her enough to come out to her and even though I already came out to my best friend and things are great I still feel this uneasy comfort when the idea of me telling her comes to mind, so I guess my question is... does it get easy? you know coming out to more people?
Well I just came back from a long day of catching up with my friend and I did come out to her and it was rather funny the way she was just cool about she just said "I knew it!" but with a humorous voice and she even told me that a few years ago she had been bi-curious but she found out she really likes guys and is in a happy relationship with her boyfriend. So that's 2 people down and few others to go.
congrats again! it's great that it went so well. about it ever getting easier.... well, i personally wouldn't know as i'm still mostly in the closet. sorry. i can only imagine that it does get easier to tell certain people who you aren't REALLY really close to, but when it comes to people who you are really close to (ie. family), i'm not sure that it does ever get easier... that said, even if it doesn't get emotionally easier, you do gain experience in dealing with reactions and explaining things/answering questions, so maybe in that respect it might get a little easier...? anyway, i hope things keep going well for you.
Thanks, it was such an easy come out that if the rest are anything like this it's going to be better than I thought but of course not everyone is the same so I still expect different reactions.
