Ok so hi I'm shovelman I'm about to turn 20 soon and i feel like I'm ready to try to come out to some people but I'm really scared and because of it I have lots of anxiety and I haven't been eating or sleeping well for a bit now and it's "killing me" I guess I could say. So like I said I'm about to turn 20 and feel like I could come out to my best friend who is straight but the problem is that he's really christian and I feel that me coming out to him could drive a wedge between us and I don't know if I could handle that now especially since my parents are got separated and it left me with mix feelings about my mom since she was the one that decided to leave my dad, but anyways I have talked with my best friend on similar topics and he has told me I could trust him with anything so I don't know if he thinks that I might be gay or what but I had a chance to tell him and I got scared and decided I wasn't ready to tell him but i really want to since I feel I could really trust him. Ok so now I'm living with my dad and because of the separation we have become very close more than we have ever been but he's homophobic and doesn't really like gay people. I want to come out to my best friend first and see how he takes it so I can get enough confidence in my self that I have someone close to me who accepts me for who I am and then tell my dad but I'm not sure how, so... any advice?
If you do not feel that this is the right time for you to come out, then don`t. There is no rule for when one has to come out. I would take a big breath, if I were you. Could you put your issues with your mother aside, so that you could come out to her? Take it one person at the time, and don`t rush it. Regarding your father, my mother was homphobic too, once upon a time. However, as she has said herself, it becomes an entirely different matter when it is your own child. When it is someone you love! Give your father a chance to change his mind. If his reaction is a bit disappointing straight away, he might simply need some time to deal with it. But you are his son, and you write that you are close. Tell him how you feel, and that you don`t want to disappoint him, but that you want to be able to be honest with him, because he means that much to you. I would almost suggest you talk with your family first, if you are worried about your christian friend. How religious is he? Has he expressed disdain over homosexuals? Have you asked him how he would feel if one of his friends were gay?
I would not come out until you are financially independent and living on your own. If you are financially reliant upon someone else -- their opinion should be extremely important to you. You do not want to have an extremely disruptive home life or even worse, be homeless. I would stay in until you have your own place and are living on your own. Channel your current anxiety into action involving getting a financial plan together to have your own place. Then come out to your dad in a loving and caring way.
You know these people so you should have a general idea of how they will react. Maybe start out by feeling out their perceptions on gay people. Maybe talk about current topics like The Supreme Court and DOMA. See how they react. Take it slow, you'll know when you're ready when the time has come.
you guys, this thread is a duplicate of this thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/78032-could-you-share-some-light-matter.html some discussion has already taken place in the other thread... can any mods combine the two threads please....?
