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Advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mithrandir, Dec 19, 2012.

  1. mithrandir

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    Hi,
    to begin with this is my first post on this forum and any LGBT forum, and the first time I have openly admitted to anyone that I am gay. It just feels like its about time to start accepting myself and this felt like one of the best ways to set about it.

    I'm a 17 year old male, still at school and I don't think any of my friends or family have any inkling that I'm gay.
    The advice I want to seek is in two or three parts.
    Firstly, is it a good idea to come out at school? My main negative thoughts on this are that as I am (without being too arrogant) fairly popular at school and a house captain, which basically means lots of people in all years know who I am and there will therefore be a lot of talk if i come out. However I have loads of really great friends who I would hate to meet at say a reunion in a few years time and have to come out to them then, with no real time to explain myself or let them get used to the idea, which even if I don't talk to them at this point would really upset me.

    Also, whilst there are no out guys in my year, I'm fairly sure of a couple of people who may be gay who I am attracted to, and I think that if I do come out, they may be inspired to do so as well, or at least to me which is very appealing as some of them are very attractive :wink:

    So tl;dr basically I'm looking for advice on whether to leave coming out until university or doing it now? Thanks for reading :slight_smile:
     
  2. Niko

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    Well if you came out to your school, you'll have to be prepared for everyone to know; and some people may not be so accepting. Not saying this will happen, but you could get bullied and such for it.
    On the other hand, if you really don't care what others think about you, then by all means go for it; and I think it'd be great if it helped others seek out some confidence to come out as well.
    Also, if your parents don't know you're gay, it might leak out to them somehow and that might be an awkward way of coming out.
     
  3. mithrandir

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    Yeah I don't know, I think I phrased that quite badly, my plan would actually be to come out to one close friend, then a couple more and make them promise not tell anyone until my family knew. I think my real question is will I regret not coming out in school rather than at university? One of my biggest fears is friends from school discussing it with each other without me being there to defend myself, I guess I just want everyone to think of me the same way they do now :frowning2: sorry for being confusing!
     
  4. ForceAndVerve

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    Like Niko said, If you do come out, you better be preapared for any and all reactions. And to come out to your family first, unless you specifically don't want to come out your family for some reason.

    And also may I recommend you not put much too much thought into the notion that coming out will make these attractive guys come out as gay as well. I don't wanna dampen your spirits but I just don't want you to get all dissapointed if nothing happens.

    Anyway, let us know how it goes! :slight_smile:
     
  5. mithrandir

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    Ahahaha yeah I guess, still feels so weird to have just written down that I find guys attractive!
    My parents are really liberal and I don't they'd have any issues with me being gay, one if y uncles is in fact gay as well, it's just that I'm quite self conscious and hate the idea of people talking about me behind my back. Also I don't get on fantastically with my dad and I cba to have a serious discussion with him about anything really :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I'm thinking of coming out to a friend this Christmas holiday I've decided, probably face to face. Any pointers for this? For example, is it strongly advisable to not come out whilst drunk as if I'm being honest being tipsy would make it so much easier for me
     
  6. Niko

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    Baby steps would be good. I'd definitely make sure your parents knew about your sexuality before the whole school. xD
    I think you should just come out to your closets friends to start. Your whole school doesn't need to know and I don't think you'll regret that once you hit uni. Because at that time you may meet new friends and then you'll have to come out all over again.
    If you're going to come out to your friend during Christmas, I'd definitely advise you to be sober :lol:. If you're drunk, they may not take you seriously. Also, ease your way into it, maybe ask what they think of homosexuals or something along those lines. Then tell them how you feel.
    One tip I have for you, and this always works for me is, try writing something out before hand or run a skit through your head and think of all the possible outcomes. If you can think of nothing but negative outcomes, then it might not be good. If most of the outcomes are positive then you're golden; but if it's half and half then you'll just have to take a risk...hopefully that makes sense, it's kind of hard to explain.
     
  7. ForceAndVerve

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    Ok yes, in that case it would probably be best to come out to a few TRUSTED friends that you can confied in.

    Just hang out with them and tell them calmy. I think the trick is to try to be casual about it and to just remain yourself. If you trust them and think they will be accepting then they shold be cool with it. You can either say "I'm gay" or if you struggle to get those words out just say you tihnk you fancy guys or something like that.

    Also what does being house captain involve? I assume its a position of responsibilty and helping all the other students? I imagine this would be a good position for you to be in if you want to come out, especially if people respect you in the role.
     
  8. mithrandir

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    Aha I think I follow you :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: but that is actually some really good advice, I never thought of wiring it out before... Kind of getting excited to come out now! Thank you!

    ---------- Post added 19th Dec 2012 at 11:00 PM ----------

    Sorry I think we posted at the same time, not just ignoring you :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: that is something else I've considered, house captaincy is a pretty big deal at my school (we're an ultra nerdy school - imagine hogwarts but real life, prefects wear gowns) - and it would be nice to have some LGBT representation in my year. I'll go for it with a friend in the holidays and see how it goes down, thanks for everyone's advice
     
  9. Niko

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    Haha, good luck! (*hug*)
    and tell us how it goes~
     
  10. ForceAndVerve

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    Where do I sign up?
     
  11. I personally have decided without question to wait until a university next year. I see it as my chance to kinda start over since I won't know many people. Right now would be a really bad time to come out for me. I did talk to my parents about it and had to tell my best friend because it was killing me, but that's it. I would say wait. It sounds like you have a good thing going on now. Unless it is killing you not to say anything, I would advise to hold off. It's not worth the risk in my eyes. Only tell those who can be REALLY trusted because telling someone did feel great.
     
  12. mithrandir

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    Simply send an owl my way I can sort it for you



    I mean, go to church and pretend you love god for a couple of weeks. We're a cathedral school (Y) I love Jesus :wink:

    ---------- Post added 19th Dec 2012 at 11:13 PM ----------

    That sounds like the exact situation as my second favourite option. I definitely just need to tell someone, but I'm really not someone who likes attention so whether or not I'd want most people to know remains to be seen.
     
  13. Yeah, I would just choose 1 person you are extremely close with and is trustworthy. Having someone to discuss such things with every now and then is very helpful. Just explain it casually and explain how you needed to say something and that it shouldn't be a big deal. I hope everything works out! You'll know what's right at the time. Give it some more thought.