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I need help.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by flabbergasted30, Dec 19, 2012.

  1. flabbergasted30

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2012
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Georiga
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am openly gay and I have this friend. He's a pretty good friend and i met him a couple months ago, like in September of October. And i think i am in love with him. Every time i see him i get butterflies and when we are apart i feel almost empty.

    I can't tell if he's gay though. There are many things that might prove he is but many that might prove he isn't. And it's even harder cause i don't listen to stereotypes.

    Here are some reasons he might be gay:
    -He gets a little tense when i bring up the gay talk.
    -He doesn't really like anyone, but all the girls are over him.
    -The last time him and my friend talked about people thinking he was gay, it was two years ago and he almost started crying.
    -He's a senior and hasn't had sex or done anything sexual with a girl or a guy.
    -I feel like he does everything in his power to not act gay.

    Here are some reasons he might be straight:
    -He has gone out with many girls.
    -He hasn't told his closest friend.

    And i feel this really strong connection with him.


    I have some problems with my family and when they're pretty bad he has picked me up in his car and we've hung out. Lately we've been hanging out every day for more than roughly about 4 hours. We don't text though.

    He's very secretive and i'm afraid to ask him if he is gay because right now i'm his only friend that hasn't accused him of that.
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC! basically, you have two options.

    You can just continue being amazingly out Flabber, and show him how life can kick ass when you're gay and out. Then, if he's gay, he can take comfort from this, feel better about himself, and eventually cone out to you. The problem here is that it puts you in limbo. You're stuck with feelings for a maybe-gay-maybe-not guy, and you won't be able to move on until you find out.

    Or you can force the issue. You can ask him outright. Or bring up the time he cried when asked if he was gay. Or (and I think this is the safest bet) you can approach it more obliquely. You might pay him a safe compliment. "You know, I really like talking to you. If you were gay, you'd be just the kind of guy I'd like as a boyfriend." This leaves you both lots of wiggle room. If he immediately goes on the defensive - "I'm not gay!" - you can quickly sidestep it. "I know you're not. It's just kind of a shame that you're not, since it means I'm stuck looking for someone like you who IS gay. :slight_smile:" And if he IS gay, he'll know you're potentially interested, should he want to make a move.

    Lex