Bisexuality, and all that comes with it.

Hello everyone, this is my first time asking for help on the internet. I am in deep shit over my bisexuality, one of the most wonderful things in my life, but unfortunately there's more that come's to it.

When I was a very young kid I "explored" with my neighbour's daughter, my male cousin as well, it might be an indication I had multiple attractions but I never even questioned I was straight, I liked women. And I did, but when I when I was a teen some aspects of homosexuality started to turn me on, others turned me off. I still kept silent and once in a full moon jacked one to gay porn, but saved most my attention to women.
When I was a kid I was also violently mistreated (not worth talking about) and that left me an anxious person, compulsive, with food, alchohol, later drugs. I also felt very anxious around girls until a short time ago (fear to fail, I was very fat then) and seldomly got what I wanted. The funny thing is that altough girls normally hate my clumsy aproach, they account for about 70% of my atraction, so talk about masoquism.
At the time I turned 19 I had my first experience with a man one year after my first with a girl, and liked them both. But still kept quiet, probably should have come out then.

Now, my problem:

Some years ago I met a girl I fell deeply in love with (at a time I didn't really know her) and she was in reality cold, shallow, prejudiced and ignorant (like 90% of people in my narrow minded catholic country) and she told most of my secrets to friends. I was devastated and tried to seclude myself and only hang around other depressed joyless, but still great people. The lively person full of joy I was until that day was finally killed.
I started to do cocaine out of fun (made me feel good and on top of the world), and one day after many months feeling like shit I decided to come out to my "friends" from college, who mostly gay or lesbian, thinking I'll be save and accepted in their community.
So one afternoon I told 4 people I was bisexual. (they were like "ok, that's good", but it wasn't) The next day everyone knew I was "gay", and telling me to fully come out and that it was normal I was insecure and fragile and confused and whatever the fuck, to this day they nag me.
They told me I would really come out soon.
There started my hell, as my anxiety had alienated most of my friends I was stuck with people who constantly reminded me they didn't accept me. So eventually I took the lead of an old acquaintance and began doing heroin "for fun".
During those dark days I couldn't even ride the subway without being paranoid and such obviously disturbed that every ride was the center of attention (the only drug that calmed social anxiety to me was heroin, one of the few good things it did for me)
everyone backed away from me like a sick man, lost all my extra weight and became a dull, faded-out person, and I attempted suicide, which obviously failed.

After the attempt, I got clean, went through h sickness, but still very anxious. The good thing is I learned to love the label bisexual, and was finally sure of my complete identity.

I find it funny, that many people say I'm denying something, when in fact I'm accepting everything, they love to kick me down. That's the problem, I can't get over antagonistic people, the few people who care about me and noticed my mental detrioration said to pay no attention to trash-talkers, but that's the thing, the paranoia that comes from anxiety won't let me do it. Some days I'm more confident and I feel at the top of the world, but the large majority of days I take only abuse, miscomprehention, girls run from me, guys look at me with disgust and I come home to my tears and my weed and dream about heroin.

Luckily I met a girl recently who after I explained her who I was she fully accepted me (she thought I was gay, don't know why everyone jumps to that conlusion now and not 5 years ago, maybe I've developed manneirisms)
It was the first time in a long time where I felt mutual attraction that I could work with. But she has a boyfriend and since I'm desperate, I evidentely fell for her and now we are a bit awkward (didn't say nothing to court her but I bet it shows)

Also note that where I come from all sexual minorities identify as gay or lesbian and all the support is biased to that polarization, there are no open bisexuals that I know of, and no people friendly to them.

I'm near despair, almost never leave the house anymore, is at an all time high anxiety about not the nature of my sexuality, but the way people react to it and I don't have friends or lovers anymore altough I'm a good looking guy, just extravagant and quirky, can't help it.
Does anyone here identify with my story? I feel like they want to put me in a box with a familiar label, and I can't breathe. I don't want to go back to heroin.

Sorry for mistakes, boring text or repeat words, my native language is not english.

 

Thank you curlycats, your post and those videos really helped.

Kinda realize now I wrote a very long rant, sorry for that, guess it was the culmination of all the woes. Glad to find people who understand me.