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I want to come out but...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by animequeen567, Dec 19, 2012.

  1. animequeen567

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    Please help me!~ :help: :help: :help:
    I just don't know where to start. I've always told my friends that I was straight. I have a big group of friends where most of them are gay or bi and only a few of them are actually straight. I've always been the "token straight person" in my group of gay and bi friends. I've always questioned my sexuality, but I always told them that I was sure about it because I was scared for multiple reasons and at the time I wasn't really for sure on my sexuality. I always just knew that I wasn't truly straight. When I'm attracted to someone, I don't really take gender into account. I just don't really make it a point to get into relationships so quickly because I've had very few relationships. I know for sure now that I'm pansexual. I really want to come out now because I feel comfortable with myself now, but I can't feel fully happy until I actually tell someone. I want to come out to my friends because I trust them the most. Its just that I still have this lingering fear that they won't believe me. That they will think I'm faking it. That they'll turn against me. Except when most of my friends came out they were accepting. When we all first became friends, we were all "straight". So then I have another thought that they will accept me. Both thoughts are conflicting in my head and fighting with each other. I know that they'll accept me on one side of my brain, but the other side is screaming "NO! Keep quiet! They'd never accept you!". Also the fact that I'd be the only pansexual wouldn't be a problem because they all know what it is, and understand it. Understandings not the problem, I know they'd understand pansexuality. My brain's 2 opposing thoughts are fighting against each other. I just don't know what to do? I want to come out, I really do, but those thoughts keep bothering me. Should I come out to them? PLEASE HELP ME! At least tell me something to ease my mind a little to make me less anxious, please? :help: :help: :help:
     
  2. SomeNights

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    First and foremost relax and breath. You say they already suspect, so I wouldn't worry about it. Just relax and let it out casually in conversation. Trust me it'll come up again. That's how I've slowly started to come out.

    Next time they call you the "token straight guy" or say "he's the straight guy.", just say "well actually that's not ture." and let it flow from that.

    ---------- Post added 20th Dec 2012 at 12:53 AM ----------

    Remember, they all went through this same process. They shouldn't hold it against you and I'd be REALLY surprised if they did. Personally, I'd never hold it against anyone, it was too hard for me to come around to accepting myself and becoming okay with it.
     
  3. RainbowMan

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    I'm with SomeNights here - I don't think you have anything to worry about. They will probably accept you for who you are - I know that I certainly do! You're very lucky to have such an amazing group of friends that I really think will accept you for who you are.

    And SomeNights - OP is female :grin:
     
  4. ameliawesome

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    why would they think you're faking it? maybe they understand your struggle better than you think they do :slight_smile: maybe they've been out for a while, but maybe they've stressed about things like you have, only you've taken a longer time to figure things out, and that's okay. i say "maybe" so much because obviously i don't know you or your friends, but i understand your anxiety. i used to say that i don't discriminate gender (i didn't know the word pansexual until i joined this site), but i've come to realize that i am very much homosexual. it took me a while to say it to myself, but some of my friends knew my sexuality better than i expressed it :slight_smile:
     
  5. animequeen567

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    Thank you, all of you, so much. You've eased my mind quite a bit. I think I'll try to come out. Best as I can. :slight_smile: