Hi everyone! Im going out with this wonderful perfect guy, i mean he is very special and kind to me, but im begining to feel desinterest in him. He has been the longest ive been with for now ( two months). Kissing feels empty, repetitive. I dont feel like i want to do it, touch him or anything, i feel id rather stay in home playing games than go on a date with him. he thinks i am saving my virginity for some special moment but its because i sinserly just dont want to have sex that much. Today my close bi freind (who revealed being bi after i told him i was gay) started flirting with me and it ended up in kissing and him taking off my pants and starting a handjob on me. I had a mild erection yet immediatley i felt repulsed and i couldnt maintain the erection, i put my pants back on and told him it hurt so he didnt feel bad. I knew at this moment i had a fear of going too deep becuase i wasnt enoughly atracted to him (and perhaps other guys ive been with). To be honest, I look back at the prevouis guys i have been with and i have not felt that much phisically atracted to them. I have an very high libido and i pretty much masturbate (myself) everyday to men, yet when it comes to meeting another body phisically, coming out of the idea to the material, something goes very wrong. Something i thought for so long i would be enjoying (like kissing lmany guys etc.) now that it is happening im finding it unpleasent, i just do it to please the the other part. Why dont i have the drive, that need for having sex as all other men seem to do? I really think there is future with the guy im dating, but what if i cant maintain an erection with him either? im really lost and whats worst i cant tell him anything beacuase everytime i tell them they take it wrong.... Thnx for reading and dorry for the typos and misspellings im not english speaker.
Alright, stop masturbating so much. The fantasies in your head far outweigh the actuality of any situation and in the end nothing will compare to what you have going on in your head leaving real sexual contact lackluster. The guy you have been dating for two months you need to let go. If you don't want to see him don't. Dragging him along isn't fair to him. I think you are thinking way too much or that some situations put you out of the mood. Could it be that you aren't truly accepting of yourself and that you might in some way be thinking that you shouldn't be committing sexual acts with other men? Maybe your parents drilled it into your head that it isn't ok and you have some residue that you need to deal with first. Keep in mind that these are all just ideas.
Masturbating a lot has a good portion to do with that. I mean, I do more than the average person because I'm trying to keep AWAY from messing with guys until I'm ready for the right one.. If I didn't, it would be just bad.... however, it does increase your expectations for what the actuality is, much like frank said, so if you feel you're ready for a relationship, then you should stop doing it for a while. It progressively impairs your emotions about physical contact..from my experience.
thanks for the reply! I think you guys are right, maybe the core of my problem is masturbation. While i do not consider myself relationship material (and my partner seems to be ok with that) and i dont have in my immediate future plans to be in one, I need to open up to this and that seems to be the obstacle. BUt the more i think about this the more i question myself what is the point? I mean, the formula has worked up until now, i am emotionally stable, and among the top of my class persuing the carrer of my dreams... What if going down this road will just disrupt what i have built until now? maybe this is the more general frame of my problem... But then again, what if then i regret myself in the future not giving myself a chance to try something...? Sorry for all the back and forth! Thnx for the help!
