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I need opinions as to what I should do - ex trouble

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TroubledRyan, Dec 19, 2012.

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  1. TroubledRyan

    TroubledRyan
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    I want to start out by saying that I would appreciate honest opinions - even if I won't like it. I will try not to make myself look like a fool, and get my thoughts out accurately. This is going to involve my ex, and a sense of loss I'm feeling from it.

    So I will start with some background information about our relationship. We met online, met up, drank, had sex (was probably the first mistake), and then continued on about our business. However, we started meeting more, and growing close - to the point that we wouldn't even have sex, just hang out. That lasted for about a month. Our next month of contact was nearly just fighting and arguments. The last fight involved me being drunk, and deleting him from all forms on contact except skype. A couple days after the incident we were friends on FB again, until he deleted me a week later - not too sure why.

    Now a little background information on him. He was in the army, and had an extremely rough child hood. He had far more issues than I had, which I really have not seen in person before that. Of course, I thought I could fix that – naïve, I know.

    Now the problem is that it has been six months, and I still feel an extremely large void in myself. The fact that we had sex would not explain it (at least not all of it), seeing as I have been with someone else triple the time I have been with him, and me and this other person had a lot more sex - I have no void for this other person. The worst part is that it isn't the sex I miss (I cannot picture myself having sex with him), I miss him. I miss talking with him, I could never picture us being in a relationship again, nor would either of us want to.

    So maybe I'm looking for closure? Maybe I just want to be friends? But I cannot explain this void. Should I message him on FB? If I did I would explain that I understand if he never wants to talk. I'm just really confused; I cannot understand this feeling.
     
    #1 TroubledRyan, Dec 19, 2012
  2. ForceAndVerve

    ForceAndVerve
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    Sounds like it to me.

    I think you should contact him and tell himexactly how you feel. Maybe emphasise on the fact that you want to remain in contact with him, maybe even remain as good friends?

    If you are out of contact with him at the moment then I can't see any harm coming from it. If you don't ask, you don't get. With any luck he might be missing you as well.
     
    #2 ForceAndVerve, Dec 20, 2012
  3. TroubledRyan

    TroubledRyan
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    I think I'm going to. I just need to work up the courage.. and plan what i'm going to say. Gah this sucks!
     
    #3 TroubledRyan, Dec 20, 2012
  4. Gravity

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    Honestly, I wouldn't suggest an attempt at a friendship, at least not until some time has passed. The reason I say that is because, from the sound of it, you had a very rocky experience with this person. You didn't really approve of what you were doing at the beginning, and when things did settle down into a relationship, there was a lot of fighting. I'm guessing there was a power dynamic at play that caused a lot of friction in the relationship. Basically, there are probably still a lot of emotions flying around, and if you "need" something from him, a friendship will probably be tough.

    You mention the difference between this ex and another relationship. What are some more differences between the two relationships? Most importantly, how did they end?

    If you do decide you want to contact this person (and that may or may not be helpful in getting closure - it varies from case to case), just try to have a really clear goal for the conversation. Make sure you know what you want to ask him about, and what you're looking to achieve.
     
    #4 Gravity, Dec 20, 2012
  5. TroubledRyan

    TroubledRyan
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    Thank you for that advice, however I had already sent the message. In all honesty, i do feel better, and I can care less if we messages me back. The message was for me, I jsut needed the courage to send it. You do not think 6 months is enough seperation time?
     
    #5 TroubledRyan, Dec 20, 2012
  6. Gravity

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    Well, six months may or may not be fine. The issue isn't so much the number of months, but more how you find yourself feeling about the person.

    Sending the message is fine. Just be clear on what you want out of the conversation. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Gravity, Dec 20, 2012
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