Hey EC; So I am in a bind of feeling lost, and not sure really what to do about everything. Lets start off by saying I am bi, I couldn't care less what sex someone is, but I am married and I love my wife. For the past 8-9 years I have been dealing with not being myself, not feeling true to me. Being jealous of women and how they look, and wishing I could be in their shoes instead of mine. When I fantasize, the main way for me to get off is thinking that I am the women, be it girl/girl girl/guy whatever have you. I have been trying to figure out who I am. With the thoughts that I have I can relate either way, but would prefer if I was born in high heels rather than boxer shorts. I feel really lost inside myself. I have been able to tell my sister a little bit, and went full out and told my best friend everything that's happening. I just don't feel like myself at all, and I haven't for a long time. I know I don't feel like the manly man that I'm supposed to be or even look like. When my wife says stuff like "You're my big strong boy." I get uncomfortable about it. The more I sit here and write and talk about it the more I wish I wasn't who I was. I go through and look at everything that is available to me to go through things, seeing a therapist, going through it all, I see all these happy people who have figured out who they are and it's so hard for me. At times I am happy who I am, but 90% of the time, that's not the case. I just don't know what to do, I don't know how to tell my wife. And then there is the part that she is accepting and wants to help, what about my kids, my son I have full custody of for now, but still need to go through the courts. What will that do to my children? I just want to feel happy. I want to feel myself. I don't even know...I just feel lost in myself and no where to turn. I don't know how to figure out who I am. I've been dealing with this for so long and feeling so numb, I can't feel like that anymore. I am all out of numbness. Sorry for all the long writing, and some of the rambling. I'm just trying to get all of my thoughts and feelings out as much as possible.
Sorry to hear about your gender issues. Have you considered if you'd actually be happy if you were able to swap bodies and become a woman? Maybe I don't understand because I readily identify as male, but I don't envy women one bit. No offense to anyone, but I like being effortlessly many times stronger than your average girl, not having to take more than ten seconds on my hair in the morning, not shaving anywhere but my face when I don't feel like it, and being able to pee standing up. That's not even an extensive list, but IMO, men are very well off. I wish you luck in finding yourself, though. Just thought I'd try to give you some comfort with the body you've got. (*hug*) And your avatar is absolutely adorable, btw.
That's what my best friend said too (she's a woman). She straight up said, why the hell would you want to be one of us, with all the crap we go through monthly, getting dolled up and even the possiblity of getting pregnant while having sex is not really what I would want myself. I laughed and told her that, to me it doesn't seem like more work, it just seems normal? I have considered it quite alot, for a long time what it would be like. I'm just confused I guess, and with a family in the mix it doesn't help at all. P.S. Thanks I really like it myself too. Btw I used to have your avatar due to the fact that I'm a huge star wars fan lol.
