What should I do? advice...

My advice is this is a very personal process - here's a secret (well not anymore LOL!) - I'm a virgin. Look at my age on the left there.....but I do have close friends that I hang out with and do things with, but I'm just as satisfied to do them by myself. I don't think that you're a freak, and you'd probably be surprised at how many of your "straight as an arrow" friends are virgins as well - I was raised Catholic and abstinence til marriage is a teaching of the church, and I'm sure at least one of your friends is similarly situated. I'm also of the "low sex-drive" portion of the population, so while I'm gay, I'm not looking for guys to get in their pants - I'm looking for someone to share my life with that I can be true to myself with, and getting in their pants might be an incidental part of that

You've taken a big step by coming to EC, welcome!

 

I went through a very similar setting and it affected me a lot up until now but i did find solace in friends which I made because we have similar interests, so I think if you truly want a friend or someone you can talk to try finding people in places where you feel comfortable where you know questions like that won't pop up. I my self don't really have that many friends to be honest but the ones I do have are the ones that I know will be friends for life you just have to open up a bit to people and if you don't feel comfortable then don't hang around people like that because the one that will come out hurt is you but try to give someone a chance they might just end up being that friend you've been looking for

 

I know what you're going through dude. I'm 18, but I only have a couple of friends, and even then, they're not deep connections. My one best friend used to be my crush, but we talked and figured out he doesn't feel the same (he really cares about me to though). I met him just this year, and I wouldn't have, if I hadn't of got the courage to talk to him and see if he shared interests with me.

What I'm saying is that, there might be people at your school who aren't what you think they are. You see, I think we both share the same problem, where we generalize a stereotype of how people behave, and believe that everyone's like that. There's probably at least a few people as quiet and sensitive (in a good way) as you at your school, the thing is, you just don't notice or think about them. I know what you mean when you say you want to be like the carefree popular kids, it's like a longing to be a different person (not just different circumstances, but to be like them), so that socializing could be so easy. The thing is, it's not a constructive feeling. At heart, you don't really want what they have, believe me, I've tried, and I found it to be hollow. They're happy with lots of "just for fun" friendships, but I'd rather have even just one friend who I was really close to. The reason you feel bad is because society typically glorifies the preppy, fantastic smile, social king. To be a successful boy/man, you have to be outgoing, fit, attractive, have lots of supporting guy friends, and a girl friend. That's the perfect guy according to our cultural expectations. Your father is also reinforcing that idea by constantly pushing you to date heterosexually and to socialize. Sure it would be great to be like that, but there's nothing wrong with being independent and quiet. I personally find it to be much more satisfying, reserving my social efforts for people who I feel I can truly care about, and who can return that care.

The only thing I'd suggest you change is your attitude towards meeting people. Stop evaluating people and guessing what their interests are based upon superficial signs. You should use the superficial traits merely as a guide to determine who's probably into similar stuff as you, don't build a portfolio out of them. For example, if you get the slightest impression someone might be similar to you, talk to them. You don't have to commit, but find an excuse to start a conversation, and just kind of poke around. Keep in mind that people will often maintain a superficial personality to get by in the world, which might be varying degrees of accuracy to their true personality. If you were to talk to me at work, you'd probably think I was some hyper, class clown, that's just the way I am around those people, but at heart, I'm quiet and contemplative. So it's worth giving people a chance to show their true selves to you, maybe they'll turn out to be a lot like you, maybe they won't. It's still worth it. Other than that, I wouldn't change anything. You clearly prefer to have a good amount of solitude, the only reason you think otherwise is because you feel negatively about that desire. It's fine. Hanging out with people shouldn't be a chore, it should be relaxing and fun. You've just got to work to find the right people that you feel comfortable around.

 

You will be ok. I know, easier said than done, but believe me, many of us have been in the same shoes, I promise. And yes, it does seem like modern society is built on "fast-everything", and it does get confusing, tiring, overwhelming especially when you need time. People expect everyone to grow fast, know what you want and get it. But not everyone is like that. And most people who assume that they know what they want, don't really, and some find themselves making (a) mistake(s) later on. Go with what YOU feel is the right thing for you to do - it's the most important rule to this. And even if you do make a mistake, at least it's not because you faked it or weren't true to yourself, but because at the time it was the right thing to do. No one really knows anything... if that helps Just take the best out of it, relax and look at the things from a different angle. You will be fine.