1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Can't I Decide My Own Fate...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Emberblaze, Dec 21, 2012.

  1. Emberblaze

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2012
    Messages:
    693
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    So I was texting my best friend the other day, whom I'm out to, and he STILL doesn't believe that I'm gay, he just INSISTS that I'm bi. Because I liked a girl once before (a typical high school crush that wasn't even love) he thinks that I have to be bi. I'd told another friend once once before, and she didn't believe me at all, she told me to just not be gay...

    THe more I think about this, the more annoyed and hopeless I feel. The first one I was talking about has been my best friend since 4th grade, and the only person that I feel I can wear my heart on my sleeve around and trust with all my essence. And I know that his intentions are good, believe it or not, and he's jut looking out for me, but I'm so tired of this.

    Nobody knows me better than me! And then, once I have a conversation like that, I come here to EC, ya know, make a thread, and hear the voices of you guys' opinions. The typical, "you don't have to know who or what you are to find love" response.

    I dunno, I guess i'm just ranting...

    But damn man I just hope I don't have to hear this all the time. I've told 3 other female friends of mine, and they accept it totally, but they don't mean as much to me as my best friend. I know that sounds harsh, they're actually good friends, but just not as good as friends as my best bud ya know?

    But, after bein haunted with these thoughts, at the end of the day, it always has me thinking "what if he's right. what if I am just bi. I'm certainly not straight that's for sure." and then another side to me says "how CAN he be right? you like boys and you have no desire to be with a girl. You dream of walking down the alter and marrying your dream man. So how the hell can he be right"

    And then my mind just goes to shit...
     
  2. ForceAndVerve

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    617
    Likes Received:
    0
    IF this part is really the truth of how you feel about guys & girls then I think you're beating yourself up about this way too much. You KNOW what you want/like. It doesn't matter what others say, even if it is your best friend. A little fling with a girl in high school means nothing.

    Also I think its very big headed of your friend to think he knows what your sexuality is. Have you tried explaining to him that you had no real feelings for the girl in school?
     
  3. 341

    341 Guest

    I kind of went through this, except in my case it was a handful of girls. Went on for quite a while, people not believing that I'm 'Kinsey 6'. I think it's just something that needs to sink in with most people, they got the message when I had my first 'out' relationship.
     
  4. Emberblaze

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2012
    Messages:
    693
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    It'd be pretty hard to explain whether or not I did have romantical loving feelings for her or just friendship kidna loving feelings considering the fact that i don't even know the answer myself! I have a hard time distinguishing love from friendship at times. Whatever I felt is long since gone anyhow so who's to tell.

    If I tried to explain to him that I didn't like her how I thought I did, I wouldn't blame him for not taking me seriously.

    Heh, he can be pretty haughty headed at times, I guess that's just him. Like I said, in his own deluded way, he's actually looking out for me believe it or not.

    But honestly, I guess you are right ya know. I probably am going too deep into this. It's like I keep telling him, it ain't rocket science. But still, sometimes I just get ailed with this nagging feeling that I'm suppressing what small feelings I may possibly have for girls in the back of my mind.

    But then I stop and think, 'well, i don't WANT to be with a girl--end of story.' adn then the feeling goes away for a while until someone makes me think about it again.

    This may be hard to follow cuz i'm jus talking off the top of my head, uh, but thanks. That makes me feel a bit better so far
     
  5. ForceAndVerve

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    617
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh ye I get that he's a really good friend, that he cares about you and that he only means it in agood way, but it doesn't help that he's fueling this uncertainty.

    Ye, that's the main problem, you're worrying about something that may or may not be present. My advice: until you actually feel "that way" for girls, don't question yourself. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Emberblaze

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2012
    Messages:
    693
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    Heh, yeah I guess that makes since, MUCH more sense then what I'm contemplating. I really should just stop worrying about it. it's pretty stupid now that I think of it. Thanks a bunch for that