Something I wrote a few days ago and sent to him: I still remember the first time we met. It was during one of our team meetings a little more than a year ago. I instantly melted the moment my eyes came across you in the crowded meeting room at IKB's lower floor. You were the most gorgeous guy my eyes had ever set upon. Your eyes sparkle, and when I looked into them I could see into your beautiful soul. Your wickedly beautiful smile is equally contagious, and your soft accented voice is almost poetic. The way your beautiful hair curls mirrors the creative, and sometimes rebellious/fun-bitchy, character you have. You are a kind, compassionate, smart, talented, strong and confident person, and I also thought we had a lot in common. I know this all sounds cliche and generic, but that's just how perfect I thought you were. Even your flaws were beautiful to me. Hence, for the first time in my life, I wanted to do the chase. Gay guys have chased me before, but never have I ever chased someone else. For the first time ever, I was motivated: I wanted you. I've never had that kind of feeling in my life, and you were my first real crush. You were the first guy I came across that was worth fighting for. Talking to you, working with you, spending time with you, going on the dance floor with you, eating with you, shopping with you, watching movies with you, drinking with you, riding the bus with you, being in the same room with you, the many times we slept together and on the same bed...or even merely receiving a text message from you brightens my day immediately and causes me to smile. I get flustered whenever I'm with you. You're always charming, you were contagious. I worked up the courage (or rather, I finally found and dedicated the time out of my busy and stressful work/school schedule) to approach you on a personal level. In January, after many weeks of stalling, I asked you out. Maybe I hadn't been clear enough that this was a date. I had a great time, until you told me you already had a boyfriend - albeit, a long-distance one. I was heartbroken in the middle of dinner, but I kept it in. For two months prior, my head was so geared towards you being single - being available to be won over. It was very difficult to change that gear. It had never occurred to me before that you might already be taken. We went back to your dorm afterwards and watched a movie. I thought to myself: you were a great guy to have in my life. So what if you were already taken, I still wanted to be friends with you. I could live with that. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I decided to take the high road and tried my best to keep our relationship to simply a friendship. But it wasn't that simple and at times, it was very hard to contain what I felt for you inside. We spent a lot of time together afterwards, you were so fun to be with. One time after I had too much to drink, and after I puked when we got off the bus at UBC loop, you took me back to your place and cared for me. You were always so loving and kind. Sometimes I thought to myself, maybe you were too good for me...I can be a jaded, selfish, disrespectful asshole at times, especially when under pressure and stress. But you always made me a better person. Over the the time span of the first 3 months we met, we exchanged over 2,000 text messages between each other....half from you, half from me. That doesn't even include Facebook messages. I thought you liked me too, I was sure of it. I even asked some of my closest girl and guy friends to confirm, and they basically said "clearly! of course he likes you! if he's doing all this, you could see it from space that he likes you!" What was I supposed to think? So I thought maybe I should push forward. And for a moment I did. Then your boyfriend came back to town, but only temporarily, the week before the big week-long event we were organizing in March. We began to grow distant after that event we organized, and after you became more in touch with your boyfriend again. I didn't like that distance, I really missed you over the summer while you were working/traveling. Then by impulse in July, I foolishly sent you text messages of what I thought of you: "I really like you and I wish I had fought harder to win you over." I also sent you a few other texts, but you never really responded. I was being selfish, and as a friend I should've been happy for you and your boyfriend. I wasn't thinking clearly and I truly regret it. It has been a few months, and I've moved on during that time. I discovered this page only today, and then I thought about you. We don't talk anymore, you avoid me, I avoid you out of guilt; it was my fault for making things awkward between us. But I hope that can change someday, that we can try to start things again. What I miss most about you was our friendship. Sincerely, Why is it so hard to fully move on and let go?
You need to let go, before you can move on. Only then will you realise; you only move on when you grab hold of someone else.
i know exactly how you feel, and i've gone through the same experience, and if things were meant to be, then things will work out with time. but until then, you just need to focus on moving on by surrounding yourself with music to hear, friends to see, work to do, and activities to complete. but to sum it up, time and acceptance will heal the wound.
Dude, I literally just went through something very similar. I'd been in love with my crush for about 4 months, 4 months of constant confusion. Sometimes we were very close, we hugged, at other times we didn't talk much. I finally worked up the courage to give him a letter very much like yours, and as it turns out he cared about me a lot as a friend, but he just didn't want a relationship at the moment. Luckily, he was very gentle, kind, and understanding, so I didn't feel rejected or heartbroken. Of course, it's impossible to escape the dissapointment; seeing the dreams of being together that you built up over the period of time you knew the person shatter. Imagining that they love someone else, or might love someone else. It's really painful. There's no way to get around that. You've got to accept the pain and loneliness, don't try and hide them. Don't fall into a downward spiral, but allow yourself time to grieve. It's a natural healing process when we lose a perceived relationship (i.e you perceived the relationship as romantic, he as friendship). You have to keep looking to the future. I know that it's impossible to feel 100% better just by being optimistic, but realize this: You will likely meet someone again, as long as you remain open to new relationships and look for them. The fact that he enjoyed spending time with you means you are an attractive person, he just perceived it platonically. I know, you want him, not some theoretical stranger in the future. But you have to view that relationship as finished. If he was willing to just jump from his current boyfriend to you, would he really be the good person you know he is? So accept that things with him are done. It's alright to be hurt by that thought, but you've got to stop feeling a surge of hope at every tiny "signal" he sends. It will take time for you to heal, it's been three days since I learned my crush views me as a friend, and I expect it to be a while before the pain goes away. I've been through this before, it just slowly dissolves until you realize you're no longer hurting. The one rule I will say you should follow no matter what, is, do not pursue any romantic relationship with anyone until at least 2 months have passed, or until you're back to normal, not feeling sad and depressed anymore. When you're in this stage, it's easy to rebound to another crush just to fill the void created in your heart. You want your next relationship to be legitimate, because of compatibility, not because you're sad and needed someone.
I would advise finding someone else too. I had a serious crush before that didn't go well. He had a gf :-(
