lately...

heyy i know what you feel like everybody thinks i'm a effing goody goody because my sisters were and i'v done everything i could possibly think of that is un-goody goody yet everybody always sayes aww that couldn't have been ricki shes to sweet to do somthin like that it realy pissis me off everybody thinks i'm my sisters

 

I also get the feeling occasionally that I'm missing out on something. My biggest thing that annoys me is that I haven't met any gay guys that have simmilar personalities to me (who have simmilar numbers to me, for those of you who have taken the quiz, and you know which one i'm talking about). So far, the only gay guys I've meet are the ones that go around flaunting their sexuality, and I don't usually try to get to know them very well.

I'm not attracted to the flamboyant gays, personalitywise, and the guys that I like (as friends and feel a little physical attraction to) all appear to be straight. Where are all the cute, non-flamboyant gays? Where are all the '2's?!?

 

OK Brenton, zbgirl, and Step49,

I think you may be suffering from something I’ll call “premature sainthood” coupled with the “I can’t seem to find a partner” syndrome. While being saintly might getcha to heaven, it’s not going to do wonders for encountering potential partners. At least try to hang out where the fishing has some promise of success. That doesn’t mean I’m advocating drug-filled nights at the local disco, although they can be fun in moderation. You have to find out where the potential partners are hanging out. Then join them.

Lately…I’ve encountered a mixed bag of 4 partners. The guy I fell in love with already has a partner :icon_sad: but I know we connected. Number 2 is very flamboyant and not really my type but he’s sticking to me like a fly on manure and wants to date constantly:eek: . Number 3 is also flamboyant, totally cool, big age difference, not my type but I like him a lot . Number 4 is damn cute, like him a lot but he’s straight:icon_sad: . So I have 3.5 new friends, 2 possible lovers, and nothing that promises long-term bliss. But hell, I didn’t expect to fall into bed with the right partner overnight. At least I’m enjoying playing the field and meeting very interesting people along the way. And yes, I’m thoroughly enjoying the hugs and kisses:eusa_danc .

Lorenz

 

I know exactly what you mean Brenton about not really wanting to get out there but also being frustrated that you aren't...I'm in pretty much the same situation, I keep making excuses for myself like "oh, I'll meet someone in college" and "my friend will just hook me up with someone once I help her through her little issue" and then if there is a slight chance for something to happen I flip out and back away, but then get really frustrated with myself for doing so afterwards.

I think, for me at least, it's because I've known generally what I want to do with my life ever since I was about 6 or 7...to go to college, get married, have kids, and establish a career (only now the girl is changed to a guy obviously, which my friend calls "being straight with a guy") and to not find myself at least making some sort of progress to acheiving that is REALLY frustrating.

I dunno if it's similar for the you or other guys, but it would definitely make sense...especially when your parents are still together and happy, which makes you have even more faith in marriage and want that even more...or maybe I'm just overanalyzing the situation and it has nothing to do with what I'm talking about...either one really...

 

Im having a similar situation with my dad I want to tell him and feel like I need to tell him but I cant Im so scared of what his reaction will be. I want to be able to find a girlfiriend and be able to introduce her to my dad as my girlfriend my mom already knows about me I told her 3 months ago and she has totally accepted me and supports me. I told her not to tell anyone and she hasnt but she told me that I should consider telling my dad and that I might just be surprise at how well he takes it but its still terrifying to think about telling him I wish you the best know it can get depressing sometimes and the only thing that helps me is realizing that I'm not alone you're not alone and dont forget it best of luck to you

 

My situation is quite similar to that of most of those of you who have posted. I came out to my mom about a month ago and a few friends know. I'm in my last year of high school and I have a lot of friends from different schools, but I find it uncomfortable to hang out in groups where you don't really feel a sense of belonging.

There is a gay youth group which meets on Fridays. The circumstances tonight were ideal; my parents and best friend are out of town. So, I made my way downtown. Walking in the gay neighbourhood, my stomach turned to the fear of seeing someone I knew. I was five minutes late when I got to the door of the youth group and didn't go in. I'm terribly frustrated with my self because I had nothing to lose by going in. Still, I have the whole year and there is no reason why I can't be out having fun with like-minded people. Essentially, I am extremely eager to live my life, but trying to do it in the city (Vancouver) I have lived in my whole life is quite difficult.

 

Right. The fact of the matter is that some people are more private than others, yet some don't respect that. Recently, I was with my friend and she invited a guy she liked to have dinner with us, who came with a flamboyant gay friend. It's not easy for someone who doesn't have any visible "feminine" qualities because the you're whole network/community has a presumption that you're straight. Whereas, by the time someone who has the stereotypical lisp and limp wrist reach 15/16 it's almost comical for them to hide it. What I'm trying to convey here is that, if a gay person doesn't show the stereotypical qualities society perceives a homosexual to have, they presume him/her straight. Which therefore makes it more tough for such a person to come out.

 

And also tougher for one non-obviously gay guy to find another. With no obviously-gay traits, how can you tell if they're gay or not? This can either be really helpful, or it can drive you crazy, depending on what your perspective is.

 

Yeah, it can also get really tough with the whole "straight until proven gay" attitude when your friends make jokes or references about the opposite sex that you don't find appealing. Or when they make gay jokes, not because they're prejudiced, but just out of force of habit and then everyone laughs and you're the only one that notices.

Although it can also be in a way safer to be assumed straight, especially when traveling to places where it is not acceptable to be gay (like, oh say...the American rural midwest) or when you're in a situation where you're forced to hang out with homophobes for extended periods of time.

Like you said Stephen, it really just depends on what your perspective is and the situation.

 

I most definately agree. I don't know if any of you are in the same position but, I'm at the point where I've told a few people who are important to me and a few groups of people know. When I'm with those people it's phenomenal. Although, when I'm with people who I've known for a long time and assume that I'm straight, it's hard to be my self;I don't tell people I'm gay if there is an opening, like if the conversation is regarding girls. It's a transition point in my life, a crossroads and it's certaintly a time of self-doubt. It's not easy.

 

I get to test the waters on Friday night with a bunch of people who always thought I was straight until I came out to them via email. It's kind of a reunion and I have every intention of using any opening that comes along. Yes, it will be awkward with some folks for the first time but I plan to make it a fun night.:icon_bigg

 

The weekend update

My group coming out with old friends, secretaries, and former wannabe girlfriends was a huge success. I’m really out to all of my old friends and I didn’t lose a single one in the process. Yes, it was awkward for a few minutes with everyone providing brief updates, who had kids and how many, who was divorced and remarried or single, the usual stuff you talk about when you haven’t seen folks in a while. When the question of marriage came to me, I just proudly blurted out, “Me? I’m gay.” (!) One former girlfriend, Heidi, almost fell off of her chair, thinking it was a big joke, wanting to laugh but not sure whether I was kidding or not. The moment was classic. My best friend, Sylvia (who I came out to first in April) caught my eye, both of us grinning, trying to keep from bursting out in raucous laughter, just worth a million bucks because it was so spontaneous, honest, and hilarious. Later on, Heidi tried to apologize for her startled reaction, asking me whether it was a joke, hoping I guess. When I told her that it wasn’t a joke, she did another double-take, totally confused and out for the count. In between, I got a call from my friend, Nate, in Mannheim, who wanted to go cruising. We arranged a possible meeting at our local club at 2:30 a.m., no promises. As tired as I was, I decided to stop at the club, which is open until 4. When I got there, no Nate. Five minutes go by and the love of my life (so far) walks in, alone. Franz has been with a partner for many years so I never thought I’d have a chance with him. About a month ago, I gave him a printed copy of the same coming out letter that I sent to my family and a few friends. I mentioned him in the letter, explaining how I fell in love with him:icon_redf , knowing that the chances of reciprocation were pretty slim.

We had a beer and talked. He loved my letter and wow, I do have a chance(!) (!) (!) . After the place closed, Franz and I spent almost 2 hours, out on the street, in public, hugging, loving, kissing, zowie, it was beautiful:eusa_danc . If my apartment wasn’t such a mess from the move, the morning could have lasted a lot longer. That won’t happen to me again:bang: .

For a Friday the 13th, it was pretty spectacular for me. It took me 24 hours to come down from my cloud. Love is just amazing.

So here are a few conclusions I arrived at:

• Your true hetero friends will accept you the way you are
• Coming out can be very, very funny, and entertaining
• Never give up on love, even if it seems impossible
• Always have your apartment ready for company
• One coming out letter can serve multiple purposes (mail me for a copy)
• One night can pretty much turn your world around
• I wish all of you a similar experience, soon, and often

I haven’t got the foggiest idea of what happens next. Cleaning my apartment is very high on the list. More important is that I can be myself with friends and relatives, joke about being gay, and love a man in public, not caring what passers-by think. Six months ago, I was scared to tell my girlfriend that I’m gay. Now I’m kissing guys in public, and it’s my first shot at real love. And man, it feels sooooooo good! If this is romance, I’m hooked:icon_bigg .