I've been struggling with my sexuality for a few years now, Im 23 and have thought about this too many ways. I've never done anything "gay", im a dude, but from my observations people get a gay vibe from me. I realistically have gay thoughts but fight them off with a vigourous passion. I've had sex with a few girls and it felt good i didnt really like any of them but it felt good. I have some sort of gay OCD, where I compulsively act "straight" I have had feelings for girls there is no doubt, I can imagine myself bucking them and being with them, but I have some sort of dependency with guys, a lack of social confidence. Bottom line I am wondering if I want to live a straight lifestyle is that possible or even right. Any responses would be greatly appreciated. Again never hooked up with a guy and have with girls. Also Im a successful singer/songwriter so maybe a vague and mysterious sexuality is beneficial. What do you think?
Hello there! there's no such thing as gay OCD, it's not even a recognized condition by national psychology lol you said you have had sex with girls, but don't like them. so was it just the sex that's enjoyable? As for living a straight lifestyle, yes, there are many who have done that. but the question is, are you happy and will that bottled up so much that you have to come out later in life? I have no idea your background, but is there a reason that you are struggling with your sexuality? anything from your upbringing? your region? your family? etc.?
Well do you have any feeling for guys? Have you ever imagine that? Do you enjoy being with girl or guy?
gay ocd, its not supposed to be a specific condition it is the idea, i think "i just moved in a gay way i have to rectify it by doing something straight" Also ive had a good family life but like 95% or the world there is a underlying disapproval for homosexuality, with that being said I get aroused by girls sometimes when I look at them, always when I kiss them, but I still look at dudes and say he's attractive in this way or that and sometimes find myself checking them out ---------- Post added 21st Dec 2012 at 11:11 PM ---------- to renge, what are feeling for guys? you know? Im so anxious about the situatiion its hard to tell. When an attractice dude walks into a room I take note. But i spent four years of highschool on sports teams showering with twenty naked dudes and never once got aroused, did i look around yes but never felt phsically exicted. basically its toooo gray to know
just because someone is naked it doesn't mean they would turn you on lol. what exactly is a "gay way"? the stereotype that media constantly perpetuates? even though any kind of guy can still be gay? hahaha i am not completely sure about this, but you're either bisexual or gay... but lemme ask you, have you ever have a guy crush?
Johnny I think coming to this site is a good way start exploring your feelings. I have known I liked guys since I was 6, yet have been married to women twice due to family pressure and wanting to fit in and have a family. On the Kinsey scale I am a 4, so I lean strongly towards men but can be attracted to some women. The big thing is there is no right answer, you need to try things and figure out what works for you. I now know that I will always have women friends, but I want to love a man. With that said you need to probably start out by making a few gay friends, not to have sex with but to talk with and hangout with, we can provide some of that here, but ultimately you need to hang with people in the flesh. Maybe go to a gay bar or event and see how comfortable you are in that environment. If things are going well, buy someone a drink, ask someone out, and see how things go. Is that easy? Maybe, maybe not, but until you try you will always wonder. From my experience the first orgasam with another man will tell you a lot. You will either feel like you have found what you are looking for or want to run for the door. Then you can decide what your next move is. We are not that scary to talk to, you just need to give us a chance.
Maybe you shouldnt worry about labels thats whats getting you flustered your trying to put a name on it. Just live life and try new things. Youll figure it out
I think everyone's goes through a stage in which they contemplate living a 'straight' life, I certainly did. It just depends whether you want to find happiness or live your life base on a lie. It's possible, but is it worth it. I had to accept myself because the pain was becoming too much and now that I have, I've never been more happy. I'm no longer self-conscious about what people think they know about my sexual orientation and I can just be open with those close to me. Living as a straight man may sound easy in theory, but I'm sure the pain of never being in a loving relationship will hurt much more than accepting that you're gay. Trust me, it will send you crazy.
thanks for your inputs, i think I have to do what oregonthinker said and meet some gay people, i have no gay friends, ive had male friends over the years who I hung out with all the time, , i liked being with them and they were 100% straight, I've had girls as sexually parteners, thats it, i never had girls who were friends, but I can remember a few girls i really liked, i thought about them all the time, missed them etc basically, this is very hard for me, also i can attract girls and theres one i really like but I wouldnt want to lead her on
I find it interesting that you have enjoyed being with girls and that you can see yoruself being with one. Maybe your feelings towards guys is just something thats a result of your comfort zone. You could just be a camp straight guy. That being said, i used to think i was pretty camp (people used to say stuff to me at secondary school), but most people now say that I don't seem gay at all (not out of closet btw). So maybe your perception on you seeming gay is just something of your imagination. I think the only way to really see if you are gay (or at least bi) is to be with a man. Maybe be in a relationship, date, or sleep with. Then you can see whether you are sexually attracted to men (more so than girls). Are you even sexually attracted to males? How much so, relative to females? If you find you arent gay (or at most bi) then you could be happy living a normal straight life. If you are gay, then you can still lead a 'normal' life. But if this means marrying a woman who you feel no attraction to then this is a morale question you can only answer by yourself. I personally would feel very bad about it. I would never forgive myself for it. You could always lead a gay life. Is there any particular reason why this would be so bad??? Your feelings towards women suggest you may not be entirely gay, but you can only discover this by yourself. I would personally experiment a little, start off small until you are sure. Good luck!
allright thanks again for the honest feedback and understanding, ill have to sort this out, Ill be best i think if i have no problem with being gay, then ill be free enough to find out either way.
