Because I do. Ironically everyone I’ve come out to has supported me but it still seems surreal for me. I must admit that in my head I still feel detached from the label. I’m still attached to the American dream ya know a nice house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, hard working husband. Sometimes I feel like nah I can’t be gay, I just haven’t met the right man – but my feelings for girls are undeniable and unlike any feelings I’ve had for men. On top of that even though I’ve come out I always go back in the closet and deny everything. Right now I have a boyfriend whom I love dearly as a friend who knows about my feelings and past. I just feel like a fraud, like when it comes to sex I just go really cold. The only way I get through it is thinking of the women I crush on. I just wish I like him like that – I do have feelings for him which is so confusing. It's like everyday I just tell myself I haven't spent enough time with him to love him yet or I haven't dated enough guys. I know its wrong to generalize but I feel like almost every LGBT I know around me is so hardcore and hate the fact that I’m not comfortable with myself – which only makes me feel like **** – like they make me feel like they’ve never struggled with it. Does the feeling ever go away - I feel so awful. I'm 21 - go on for at least 9 years
It's quite common actually. Honestly I think you need to find someone who you trust to work out all the emotions. Maybe even a therapist. I've accepted the fact that I'm transgender, in fact I accepted it quite quickly. I'm just having problems accepting that I'm gay. It's quite complicated at first, but with talking to someone you trust absolutely helps.
Its hard work. I (and probably you), grew up with a set of expectations -- just like you describe -- get married, kids, house, etc. No reason you or I couldn't have that same life, though wife/wife or husband/husband (or whatever description works). Like me, you probably need to think about what you really want, what's right for you (your soul, heart, gut -- not what you're expected to be or do). And along that path, with hard work and when you're ready, you'll know what's right for you. Lots of us here on EC on journeys we don't exactly know where we'll end up. We'll get there! Pete
i've been having trouble accepting i have some feelings for girls. i've had a crush on girl last year and thats when i started questioning but i kept telling myself ...she'll be the only girl i'll have a crush on and it'll be over but now ...it hasn't stopped (the crush has) but not the questioning , i thought after i stopped having a crush on he , i'd go back to liking guys and being "boy-crazy" but i haven't... i keep telling myself it's phase because of my age and that it couldn't possible , i'm bisexual...but sometimes i just know it can be possible , i just haven't accepted that yet
I keep going back to the 'I just haven't met the right guy' solution all the time because it seems so much easier than being gay. Easier to introduce to people, not have to worry about being judged etc But there's just something about other women that make feel something I've never felt for men.
yeah , same here kind of...i'm not interested in any guys , i still find guys attractive but ....im not interested right now. my dad thinks that's the reason i'm questioning because of my last break up which isn't true. he believes i'll stop questioning when i find the right guy ...and i halfly believe that or maybe i don't want to ...
You just described my feelings exactly! I have a big extended family and every time I see certain aunts and uncles I wish so much that I could have that. They just love each other so much and they're great with their kids. I was almost in tears last night after my 5 year old cousin asked for the 4th time if I had a boyfriend. One of my aunts noticed and tried to say something to me but my grandpa's house was just absolute craziness with 7 little kids running around (I'm the oldest grandchild). I just have to keep reminding myself that I could have that too just with a wife instead of a husband. It's still a little hard to accept though.
Yeah I certainly still look at men and can be like, yeah he's attractive but the idea of being with a guy just doesn't appeal to me anymore. It's almost like a switch has gone off in my head. It's really taking some getting used to. And a lot of time to accept it.
yeah same here , its kind of like...when i really think of , its like my body wont wont accept it but when i think of being with a girl , it appeals to me. i ask myself , how come one day i was totally boy-crazy and now , i'm just girl-crazy all because i had to have that one crush on that girl in my class.
Ah, yes, of course. I'm getting REALLY close to accepting myself but some days I just wish I was straight and I actually try to make myself like guys, but I just don't. I know I'm gay but it's hard to accept since I thought I liked guys for 20 years. But I am this close to coming to terms with myself, it's tiring but exhilarating.
