So my dad has tried to kill himself... Again! I guess most people in my position would be devastated or really upset. But I am genuinely not. My dad has tried to kill himself several times over the last few years... But failed. I guess this is just another thing he's not very good at! I don't want to sound cold but for everyone who's read my previous threads you will know how me and my dad don't tend to get along when he's drunk and aggressive. Yet still I do love him as you only get one dad... And lately I've started bonding with him. We do crosswords together and I even went for a drink with him last week. He hasn't even asked if I'm gay for a while! Yet still I don't feel upset over this latest suicide attempt. I say attempt, but if he was really trying to kill himself then surely he would have succeeded by now. I remember the first time he tried was when I was about 14. He took an overdose and told me and my mum what he'd done. Needless to say, the ambulance soon arrived and he was fine. Then the second time he stood on a railway track and waited for a train to run him over. This time he was sectioned but when he eventually came home he showed no remorse. I don't think he realised how bad it made the people in his life feel that he would rather be dead than live with us. I remember being more mortified that this attempt made the local paper due to the train disruptions... But luckily nobody really noticed thankfully! So there hasn't been a serious attempt for years but there's been several times where he's threatened and times where he's left me a voicemail saying how he loves me and is saying goodbye as he's killing himself. I have grown to ignore these messages. Tonight was the latest attempt. And I thought I would write a thread about it as I guess it does annoy me a bit and this section of EC is all about support and advice and I do need advice as I act really indifferently towards all of this despite it not really being an everyday occurrence for somebody living a normal life. Tonight he's gone for the overdose route again, but has failed naturally. Why does he keep doing this? And why do I not have the ability to care? I sometimes feel bad because I really struggle to feel emotions about most things.
Coming from someone who's attempted multiple times and had their best friend/sister commit, it because his alone in some way. And ignoring his messaging is making it worse, and by ignoring it you're giving him more of a push to actually do it. Sounds like he needs to be placed in a mental health ward though. The more you push it aside like you are, the faster it'll get worse.
Firstly I want to say I am sorry to hear about your problem, that cant be a good situation to be brought up with. Being brought up with it though may be the reason you feel disconnected to it, its amazing the strength it takes to not let things like this get to you, and maybe your only way to deal with it is to emotionally distance yourself from it. It could be unrelated but I have personally found that being gay and not open can effect a lot more than you realize. I myself I'm 27 and literally just came out to the first person yesterday, but when you suppress your feelings for so long, as you are denying yourself happiness and I feel I have made myself emotionally stunted. This is not a dig and I am not analyzing you, just trying to offer potential clarity in what is a hard situation. But when you get used to some form of unhappiness you can numb as a coping mechanism. Putting your sexuality aside, you are dealing with a very touch situation. I have had two family members who have successfully committed suicide and I know that I can cope with it as I became numb to what happened. For you its a horrible situation as I am sure you are questioning why your dad isn't realizing the pain he is inflicting on the family and deep down you don't want himself to actually go through it, but you are longing for a resolution to the situation. I don't know if this has helped as I am not a professional but this place is a great place for support but sometimes its could to speak to someone like the samaritains who will be able to give you more help and support. Take care and always remember to speak out if things are getting too much for you.
Hate to intrude, but that's the last thing you want to tell a suicidal person. Telling him that he's inflicting pain on the family will make him think that once he's gone, the family would be happy. That is really the last thing to say to a suicidal person besides 'kill yourself.' Since it's happened multiple times he needs to be hospitalized until he's stable enough to start outpatient therapy. I'm actually shocked that the hospitals aren't forcing it, usually if you have a suicide attempt on your record and you attempt again you're instantly hospitalized for at least 3-5 days.
I'd suggest getting your dad into suicide watch immediately. He is obviously very upset and depressed at this time and he needs professional help. Please, please get him help!
