Hi everyone, my name is Aldo i'm 22 and after a year of having a long distance relationship with an awesome boy full of family fights, life threats, physical abuse, fake facebook accounts from my mom telling me that she was going to kill me if i fell for this "lifestyle" full of disgrace and indecency, hearing my mom telling me i had HIV, had to tell my dad i was gay because he did not believe that my mom made my life a living hell and judging me because i was his biggest deception in life, visits to the psychologist to see if i could be healed somehow i finally graduated college and decided to find a job in my boyfriends hometown and get out of my home because it felt like a prison being tight and with no space for breathe. The sad part is that i really love my parents they are an awesome parents, they bought me things, got me into travels, took me to places but when it comes to my sexuality i'm full of shit for them, i'm stupid and in their words "how could it be possible for someone so successful and mature to think about something so stupid like that?" It's time for me to mature they said, life will give me what i deserve and show me that NOT EVERYTHING IS EASY and i'm going to regret if i keep living like this, because they say "IM NOT GAY" im "just trying" and i wonder how can someone be just trying when i have felt the most beautiful and deep thing that is love with the simple touch of my boyfriends lips. After that long and hard road i graduated college and decided to find a job in my boyfriends hometown and leave my house and live with him ( with his family he has 3 brothers and he lives with his mom). Life has been more than amazing with him, after almost a year and a half of relationship we have plans for move in together, my job in this new city is awesome and his family really cares about me and i also help with the bills in his house. I really feel home right here because i don't feel judged or pointed they love me for who i am and i feel free and i found a new sense in life. But there's a thing that stops my way, my past , since i left my home my dad told me i was a disgrace as a child and he didn't want me to come even to his funeral and that he was going to find my boyfriend and cause a disgrace, but in the other side my mom told me that i needed to try so she was going to wait for me to return because i wasn't mature enough to know what life is. I wan't my mom to know who i am because i know she cares about me but i don't know if this is the healthiest thing to do. I started to call her and let her know everything was alright but she didn't miss the chance to say that I did not care about her, that why did i have trade my family for? that she couldn't sleep at night thinking of what i was doing? and that if i was with this "guy" i should be feeling guilty and embarrassed that i needed to come back home and that i was normal before that now i'm a different person. My mom tries to get in contact with me and sometimes i feel she is behaving good just to get info of where i am i. I feel really insecure talking to her about what i do in the daily bases because i know what she is capable of. The thing is that i don't want to turn my back to my family. i love them but they have hurt me so much that the last thing i do even if i broke up with my boyfriend is returning home. I do not have anything to prove to myself i'm proud of what i am and the things and achievements i'm doing but sometimes it makes me feel insecure about the choices i'm making ( how if i'm really young? should i have waited in my house longer? ) but my mom seems not to understand that i'm living life the way i want now and that she cannot do anything about it. Should i be feeling guilty about not being with my family anymore? Sometimes i don't want to call her or even read her texts because they make me feel i'm living everything from the past again, i just want to focus on my boyfriend, my house my new life. How can i deal with this? and how can i make her think about the consequences of the acts that she did? i mean i'm no one for punishing her. I'm just trying to protect myself because i do not feel secure. is this a bad thing? or should i face her and tell her "please stop getting into my life i don't live with you anymore". Please help me, i just want an advice or a point of view from this un-objective situation, i'd really like my family to accept me but i think they will never do. because everytime i want to overcome the past my mom reminds me that i'm not choosing the right path in life. I know it's not true but i want to let her know.
.....wow. i can't believe your parents have put you through all of that. it's ridiculous how some parents can't seem to accept that they might be wrong about something. you asked for advice, but.... particularly in this situation, i find it hard to give any because any advice i give you will just be what i would do in your situation, but you're not me and i obviously don't even know the full extent of your situation. ...that said, i would stand up to your mom one final time and clearly state that you're ok, that you love her, but that you will not be answering her messages any more because she has hurt your too much and you have moved on with your life. tell her whatever you feel you need to, but don't try to "make her think about the consequences" or "punish her". i can guarantee that she'll think of those things and that she will feel punished enough without any help from you. but i would stop keeping in contact with her for a while. not necessarily for forever, but i think it would be good for both your parents and you if there was a "cooling period" between all of you. after a couple of years have gone by you can reevaluate the situation and do what you feel best. it's just not right for your mom to keep barging into your life whenever she sees fit, but completely staying out of it other times when you actually need her to be the mom that she's supposed to be. on a happier note, it's great that your boyfriend's family has accepted you into their home and accept you for who you are. also high five! for making the big move to be with your partner! i know how much courage and effort that takes as i've done it myself. i hope that you two have a happy life together. best of luck!
I'm having my own mini dilemma of this, but i'm not out. I now my parents won't approve of me being gay, my dad has explicitly given his thoughts on being gay. I love my family and i don't want to choose between them or love, but i may have to if it doesnt work out. I think you're like me in that you want it all to work out and not have to choose. But you seem sure that your parents will never accept you for it, and from what it sounds like they probably will never be happy with your decision. Eventually you may have to choose, i reckon you are already making that choice already. You have moved in with your bf an you feel uncertain about talking to your mum. If you can't trust your mum then it seems you are definitely making that choice. Your mum wants what she thinks is best for you. I feel guilty all the time about who i am, my parents are fairly religious and i know at some point i will have to disappoint them. But in all honesty i know deep down that if it came down to a choice of parents vs being alone for the rest of my life i will choose the latter. You must be sure about if there is only one choice/one result, which would you choose. This would help you in dealing with your mum because then you know your long term objective. I agree with curly cats. You need to tell you mum directly about what you think, what you want, and how its not going to change. You have two choices. You could either let her know that you are not going to come back home and this is who you are and she must accept you for that, you dont want to hear her nagging, and hope she comes around, or do nothing and hope she eventually gives up. Maybe write your thoughts in a letter? You have to accept what you want and the consequences for your choice. If you go home, you may never love again. If you stay with your bf, your parents may never accept you and your mum will nag you. I know its not this simple, but it is essentially these choices and results. Thing is, over time they might come around, but if you go home they might treat you differently because of your past choices.... Sorry that this isn't the most optimistic approach, but this is how i think about it. I know that when i reach your stage i will have to make a choice and stick to it. My parents might come around, but i know i won't be happy if i ignore my feelings. Hope this helps and good luck!
thanks for the advice, and i can tell you thank you so much, i could be brutally honest with my mom about who i am, because i have did that on the past. I just dont want to insit her into bad things that she is capable of, like saying "im with my boyfriend" she would feel with angry. She saw my facebook account and i mean i did not have photos of and me my boyfriend kissing, i'm just next to him and she feels really angry about that, i don't want to comment my boyfriend about this because i don't want to make him feel unsafety. how can i find a way to tell my mom to "leave my choices in life" as they want to be without making her feel angry and take bad actions about it. She uses phrases like "I might die and you dont care". My soul returns to my body when i'm not talking to you. Thank you again for the advice ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2012 at 07:53 AM ---------- Also thank you so much, i think that everything comes down to the decision you make based upon what makes you happy. The thing is that you should be able to keep your decision like that regarding of the people who thinks the other way no matter if they are your own parents. also you need to find the inner strength because there are other things to think in life of your own, your house, work among other things. I really wish you luck to you too, it is hard to believe that the worst place you have been treated is in your own house where you grew up
