Social Phobia / Bad Day

I think everyone's got Social Phobia to some degree. I actually did a project on it. It's just an irrational fear of being in public; because you feel as though everyone's judging every move you make. Another word for that is adolescence [:

I go through that a lot.
Especially around boys I find cute.
Because I have to make no stupid moves whatsoever.
And I normally do really weird things, and I make weird faces. [I've been told]


I've gotten over most of it now, but at times I get those old feelings rushing back.
I just try my hardest to be comfortable and tell myself that no one really cares, lol.

 

I have a social phobia, to a fairly large degree. However, I only have it if I'm around people that I don't know. Then, I'm really self-conscious.

Just try to remember, the only people who you should care about what they think of you, are the ones that like you for who you are.

 

I agree with you...I used to have REALLY BAD social phobia...like junior high I was an "emo" or at least they called me that, because I avoided everyone but 2 people who I trusted. but I grew out of it, and people say I have changed for the better :icon_bigg

BUT...Jocks and me don't mix either man. I avoid the gym, I went in there once and I got stared down...the coach treats everyone horrible if they don't do sports, and loves all the football, basketball, baseball players (etc.) to death and always lets them do what they want...grrr hate that coach

But I also been there with the guy thing...one REALLY HOT jock guy at my school, overheard me me talking about him to one of my lady friends...because I THOUGHT we were alone...but he walked around the corner...

He didnt tell anyone (praise the lord) but I can't go around him without getting...well that look that says "hey...get out of here....dont look at me"

And like you...I feel safer at home, where I can do it by myself...and I like to dance too, since I can breakdance lol. (no really, I can)

Are you my twin? hahaha.

 

I've been dealing with the same issues for quite a while, it's getting a little better. It started out when I was forced to come out to my parents when I was 14. They said they were fine with it, but they didn't chat with me about the subject afterwards, up until now - 6-7 years later. So that's what has caused mine.

I also find myself really intimidated by other males due to being bullied when I was younger, i'm not quite sure on how to get through that just yet .

 

yeah i think i have some of that but i also have adhd so that helps... with the social phobiaaa stuff haaaa
but yeahh most of the time im kinda like uuhh... what,... right..? lol cause guys my age are so fuckin imature and shit like oh dear i cant even talk about it its sooo retarded idk so i kinda steer away from guys my age i want a nice one who isnt like 3'5" and retarded hahahaha

 

I think there's a really strong and pretty bad tendency to have any kind of self-consciousness or mental issue these days and automatically label it a phobia/syndrome or something "officially" an illness. There's a HUGE difference between not being happy with one's life in general (being "depressed") and being clinically depressed, where you basically can't bring yourself to get out of bed in the morning.

Likewise, with "social phobias," a phobia basically means you become non-functional when you experience it... i.e. you freeze up and cannot function normally. There's a difference between that and feeling extreme self-consciousness, however badly you end up blushing or stammering.

And with ADHD... there's a difference between "he has trouble focusing/he has a short attention span" and "he simply CANNOT focus/cannot calm down." From what I've read, ADHD is intensely over-diagnosed and over-treated in Canada and the US.

So overall (in my opinion) there is a huge tendency to over-medicalise all the issues that people, especially teenagers, face. What you've described sounds like self-consciousness, not phobia. I'm not saying it doesn't suck and isn't hard to deal with, but I think you're doing yourself a total disservice if you label it as a "phobia" because really that just makes it seem like an insurmountable problem. The fact of the matter is that everyone faces uncomfortable situations every day and we have to learn to deal with them without pathologising them. Some people are just shy... it doesn't mean they have a disorder.

With respect to your feelings regarding the gym, I have EXACTLY the same issues--I feel EXTREMELY self-conscious going and feel like I'll never be "enough of a man" to measure up in that environment. Which is completely retarded on my part but at the same time, completely understandable. It's a very competitive, exclusive environment and it is very much, especially I'm guessing in high school, the balliwick of the jocks of the world.

It's pretty sad that the coach in charge was such a tool just because you'd think he'd be happy to see people who aren't otherwise "sporty" interested in what one expects is the kind of thing he's interested in.

It sounds like you have found some less stressful and less public ways to exercise, which is great. If you want to return to jockland, you have to realise that EVERYONE in high school (in fact everyone throughout life) is self-conscious; some people are just better at hiding it than others. Often we are more self-conscious out of our element than is warranted given people's reactions. If you are already self-conscious about working out in public, you're going to take every question or comment someone makes about it in a more negative/critical manner than it might be meant, because your self-consciousness is going to colour your reactions. So you need to recognise that and consciously interrupt the process... essentially you have to psyche yourself out and seriously keep a reassuring monologue going in your head.

The fact of the matter is that probably 90% of the people there, maybe more, could care less about you. The rest are idiots and it would be a shame if you let the idiots determine what you will and won't get to do in life. I say go back with your friend, ignore the guy who knows you have a crush on him, and get down to doing what you were there to do in the first place. In fact, you might find your crush's friend who asked you how often you work out and say you're just starting out and did he have any tips?

I know it sounds crazy... but hey, he asked. He was probably just curious or trying to be friendly.

But even if you decide the intensity of the gym isn't for you, then I'd totally encourage you to keep doing what you're doing at home. Plus you can probably buy yourself some weights and a bench for not too much.

And even if you don't return to the gym, kudos for trying it out in the first place. I'm betting a lot of people don't get even that far! :eusa_clap

 

Aww...I can totally relate to your problem it kind of sounds like me last year.
I still feel like people are judging me sometimes but you have to work on your
self-confidence, find some friends that like you for who you are and who let
you be you, and then what other people think won't matter, they'll just be
random losers who have nothing better to do than judge other people. I know
it might not seem that simple, but just wait it takes time. If you already have
friends like that then it should be even easier. And believe me, I know how
awkward it is with that guy- I have one of my own, my friends and I call him
"eyes" (he has really really gorgeous eyes). He thinks I'm some wierd foreigner
(which I kind of am) and I suppose he suspects my crush too- I gave him a note
one time (in November) but luckilly I was careful with wording. Sorry, I shouldn't
take the focus off your problem, I just like to tell stories I guess. Anyways...now
I barely notice him in the hall, besides being like "oh-that's eyes" (no !). So you see,
it'll get better it just takes time. (*hug*)

 

I used to have social anxiety tried taking Zoloft for it, didnt do much to help. I was also shy which made things worse. When i went with my friends to the Mall of America or with my mom to get some new clothes i would always think people were looking at me or talking about me (which is funny cause in reality noone was) just my mind was making me think that and i would get nervous. But over the years it has gotten better and dont have much of the social anxiety anymore, but i am still somewhat shy to people i dont know.

Acorn, when that kid asked if you go to the gym often. I think it would have been better to say , " No i dont get in the gym much, but i would like too, and if you guys could throw some pointers to me that would be great cause i dont know much about the equipment and proper lifting" or somthing like that just asking for a tip or two.

I think you should go back into the weight room and ask those kids for some help and ask them what machines and free weights would be good for you to use. Kinda ask them to help you make a workout routine.

I never hurts to ask for help, even if it is your crush your asking for help, that way you could talk with him more and not be so shy with him. And tell him you dont want things to be weird between you two. That you just want to be friends or acquaintances.

 

i think most people are a tad (at least) social phobic in england we don't really have "jocks" but the people that are interested in sport are quite kind

 

Joeyconnick made a great post. I think that you're describing what lots of teenagers feel, but some are better at hiding it / don't have the added gay problem. It's not just 11 year old girls who get that (although don't bash them! I was one once - it's not terribly fun).

 

I always feel like im being judged, but maybe not to the same degree as you... hmmm...

 

I agree with joey completely but also think that acorn most likely isnt just being dramatic and he has a legitimate concern. While i wouldn't call it "social phobia" per se i would validate his emotions.

I have this advice, from experience, for you acorn. The way you carry yourself directly affects how others perceive you. People with true social phobia usually have an almost impossible time of looking people directly in the eyes (ie: staring at the floor or a distant object while carrying on a conversation) especially when in close proximity (along with similar reclusive traits).

If this is the case. Try hard to abstain from these. By being evasive in this manner you are sending out a message to the person you are talking to, telling them you'd rather not be interacting hereby making them feel awkward and uncomfortable. In doing so you are only sabotaging yourself, as if they feel uncomfortable, they simply won't make the effort to talk to you.
As opposed to engaging someone, looking them in the eye, squaring your shoulders directly at them and seem relaxed. By doing this, you make the person feel at ease and they get a pleasant experience that they will want to repeat.

The same goes for almost every other situation (even if it's not eye contact, similarly avoiding common areas like the gym). The key is to display yourself to make yourself seem confident, as nervous as you may feel. People respond to confidence, not big bulky muscles (although they don't hurt, they too with time and effort).

Going into the school gym was a great idea and an important step in improving your "social phobia". You have to start somewhere or else it will become somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy; you feel like a "nerd" so you avoid the gym, try to elude interaction etc. hence making other people view you as somewhat socially awkward.

Am i saying you should stroll straight into a full gymnasium of jocks and work out. No. It probably wouldn't seem so much confident as cocky, but if you are seen making an effort than people will change in how they perceive you. You are what you present. Unfortunately, people can only see the outer layer, i'm not talking attractiveness but observe some people you consider "jocks" observe their presentation (don't necessarily mimic, just observe). Do they appear confident? Do they appear to be looking people in the eye or evading eye contact? What other traits make them so "popular"?
Look for these commonalities and consider first:

A) What you can control.
B) What can you do in the "right now" to get to your goal.
C) What can you start to do and work on in the future.

For example, using your "muscles" comment (it may not be the cause but im just using an example)

(A) You can't grow muscles overnight, it is not in your immediate control.
(B) You may not have the bulging biceps that the jocks all have but you can change how you present yourself, right now that is within your control.
(C) You can do some exercises at home or at the school gym (during less busy times if you prefer) to get more in shape and familiarize yourself with the machines for the near and far future.

 

I see what you mean. Apart from some general commenting on how people are overly quick to declare something a "syndrome" or medical-type issue, I was just thinking that the label "phobia" was a pretty strong one that usually indicates psychiatric intervention is necessary and I didn't want to see you on prescriptions owing to a bad experience at the gym.

Understandable. Still, sometimes going out of your way to avoid people makes things more awkward. Perhaps with time your eyes will demagnetise with respect to him. :lol:

I'm glad you think so. :eusa_danc