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How to help my friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by conro, Dec 23, 2012.

  1. conro

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I’ve known him since I was 3 years old. When we were young, we would shower together. Our first gay experience was when we were 16 at his grandpa’s cabin. We were a little drunk, and out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to have sex. During this time, I was very afraid of coming out, so even though I was okay with it, I didn’t want him to think that I was completely gay. So for 2 years since this incident, we’ve had sex about 4 other times. Since we were afraid of being gay, our first couple of experiences wasn’t sensual at all. But the last time we slept together, he convinced me to kiss him, and we completely let our sexual inhibitions go, and it was a fantastic night. However, since this night, we haven’t hung out at all. I know he’s interested in girls, so I’m sure his actions shocked him. He probably is just afraid of being bi, but I want to be able to talk to him about it. He lives right down the street, and he hasn’t answered my calls for a while. I hope I can heal the friendship we once had, and continue explore our sexual nature. Should I try to confront him on this? Or should I wait and see what happens? I know many people have been in this position before, but I find my circumstances to be a little different. I feel like he might just want to have sex and only sex, and not take the relationship any further, but that fact that we have kissed changes my mind. How can I improve this scenario?
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It can be really difficult to say what's going on, and only he knows for sure.

    While it's likely that he's at least bi, it seems like he might be uncomfortable with that idea, so confronting him might just push him further in the closet. Perhaps the best option is to give him space and wait, or send him a note and say something to the effect of "I want you to know I care about you as a friend no matter what, and I hope we don't lose our friendship regardless of anything else. I know you need space, but I hope you'll reconnect soon when it feels comfortable." And then just leave it at that.

    Remember that he's probably going through a rough time with these feelings, AND he knows that you know his secret, so that could be scary for him. Being there, and being as nonjudgmental as possible, is the best solution, I think. :slight_smile: