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Am I too picky?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SashaS, Dec 23, 2012.

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  1. SashaS

    SashaS Guest

    Hi, this is my first post here. Basically I would just like to describe my dream boyfriend with the hopes of you telling me "yes/no you can find someone like that who's gay."
    I'm afraid some of the qualities I look for don't exist in the gay community.

    Oh and obviously I'm a guy, haha I know I know my name is Sacha but its short for Alexander!
    (also, my computer autocompleted my name as the female version, so could anyone tell me a support email so I could get my name changed to the correct spelling?)

    -Completely monogomous. NO OPEN RELATIONSHIPS.

    -Big/Slightly muscular but not jacked. The type of guy who goes to the gym maybe once a week, doesn't obsess over it, and isn't afraid of eating what he likes. I guess you could say a "football" type physique.

    -Tall as in someone over 6'0. Preferably not thin or skinny.

    -Cute smile, but no need for a perfect set of teeth. Just something sincere.

    -Skin color doesn't matter too much. But nothing extremely pale or extremely tan (cannot wear makeup or go tanning)

    -Really relaxed/chill. But NOT passive or weak.

    -Type of clothing doesn't matter (preferably someone NOT into high fashion or anything that screams "gay gay gay I work at a gay bar with lots of gay people." Anything that's really "loud" I don't like.

    -Older than me. (but preferably someone I'd be able to spend the rest of my life with)

    -Likes cars, computers, sports, nature/hiking, maybe some gaming here and there.

    -Not religious, but spirituality is OK.

    -Someone who is NOT into any gay subcultures. (I.e. no bears because even though they fit a lot of what I described, a lot of them are just really queeny but happen to have a hairy chest.)

    -Individualistic. Does not NEED friends but he wants them.

    -Does not go clubbing/bar hopping, strip clubs, etc.

    -No gay lisp. Other "lisps" are fine, like say an underbite or someone born with a speech impediment. But a gay lisp is like nails on a chalkboard for me.

    -I guess I want a gay "football player" (doesnt actually have to play football, but you know what i mean). I have always gotten along with guys like that, and they were always the guys that I liked. My best friend back home was the exact type of person I described. So relaxed, he was such a cool guy. We have since grown apart and even then he was as straight as a pencil so it wouldn't even matter.
     
    #1 SashaS, Dec 23, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2012
  2. MyLifeMyRules

    MyLifeMyRules Guest

    Everybody has there own prefences! of course this isnt asking to much, he will come, dont worry...
     
    #2 MyLifeMyRules, Dec 23, 2012
  3. Argentwing

    Argentwing
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    You sound very picky. A guy who works out and one who plays games in the same package is going to be a very hard find.

    Not impossible, though. Lots of guys are fairly big like that and have normal interests. Good luck in finding one :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Argentwing, Dec 23, 2012
  4. SashaS

    SashaS Guest

    Im not talking video game conventions and obsessing over world of Warcraft.
     
    #4 SashaS, Dec 23, 2012
  5. ForceAndVerve

    ForceAndVerve
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    I think most of those things are fairly acceptable. I think the one thing your being a bit picky about is:

    And you know what, I bet if you met someone that filled enough of the boxes, you would be willing to look past the fact that they don't fill them all. :wink:
     
    #5 ForceAndVerve, Dec 23, 2012
  6. RainbowMan

    RainbowMan
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    Sounds almost like me (but not quite). Majorly different from your description is that I'm overweight, 5'10", and don't really enjoy nature. Other than that, you've described me well :grin:

    I fit no gay stereotype, and you'd probably have no clue if you saw me on the street.
     
    #6 RainbowMan, Dec 23, 2012
  7. integrand

    integrand
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    We all have our own criteria of what we want in our "dream guy/girl/whatever," but in the end we have to compromise on some things. Maybe you'll grow to love that person's deviations from what you wanted initially. :slight_smile: Who knows!
     
    #7 integrand, Dec 23, 2012
  8. SashaS

    SashaS Guest


    Everyone in the gay community is a caricature of some high school clique. (I'm generalizing, obviously) the problem is that there are no deviations!
     
    #8 SashaS, Dec 23, 2012
  9. integrand

    integrand
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    Thanks for adding the side note there, Sasha. Haha. Everyone is definitely different, some more than others, but the good ones are out there. Albeit hard to find (but worth the effort).
     
    #9 integrand, Dec 23, 2012
  10. SashaS

    SashaS Guest

    Which is the problem. Anyone who is even remotely interesting is either straight of indistinguishable from straight.
    There is nothing I hate more about the gay community than the subcultures. I could never date a guy who identified as a "twink" or a "bear" or agh... anything other than a normal human being!
     
    #10 SashaS, Dec 23, 2012
  11. integrand

    integrand
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    They are only identified as such if they let themselves be....
     
    #11 integrand, Dec 23, 2012
  12. Salazar

    Salazar
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    It's all very well to write a list of what you want, but once the right guy comes along, he's most likely not going to tick at least some of those boxes, but you won't care because he'll tick so many more :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #12 Salazar, Dec 23, 2012
  13. Argentwing

    Argentwing
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    I thought those were only descriptions for clarity. I mean, I can readily say I like twinks exclusively when it comes to guys. They're still humans, just small, lithe, adorable ones. :thumbsup:
     
    #13 Argentwing, Dec 23, 2012
  14. integrand

    integrand
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    Some guys would classify me as "twink," but I find it kind of degrading... lol.
     
    #14 integrand, Dec 23, 2012
  15. SashaS

    SashaS Guest

    Most of the time they're the ones with "bear" under their username.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2012 at 07:31 PM ----------
    As long as you don't classify yourself as one and go to pride parades with your own special twink flag then I'm sure you're not a twink.
     
    #15 SashaS, Dec 23, 2012
  16. integrand

    integrand
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    It's solely based on my physical profile. Trust me, I act in no way like a twink. Haha
     
    #16 integrand, Dec 23, 2012
  17. SashaS

    SashaS Guest

    Like I said above. Most gay guys I meet are "caricatures" in that they embody the most exaggerated form of something. Eg bears and twinks and nerds and jocks. What I want is someone who's a little bit of everything... You know like a regular person who has regular interests.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2012 at 07:44 PM ----------
    They are. But I don't want someone who can just be "clarified" by uttering one word. Nobody else in the world does that? You can't just look at a straight person and say oh she's a gamer-girl therefor she likes this this this and this and she wants her boyfriend to look and act like this" Why do gay people have to? I go to the gym 4 times a week but while I'm working out I listen to a science fiction podcast. You just said that "no guy who works out plays video games". That's the problem with the gay community... We complain about stereotyping but not only do we stereotype ourselves but we do it to eachother too.
     
    #17 SashaS, Dec 23, 2012
  18. SashaS

    SashaS Guest

    Hm.. I don't see it. You're very...pretty. But that's a good thing.
    If I saw you I'd never think "oh my whatta twink" haha.
     
    #18 SashaS, Dec 23, 2012
  19. integrand

    integrand
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    haha, well thank you that is nice of you to say :slight_smile: i appreciate it
     
    #19 integrand, Dec 23, 2012
  20. john1984

    john1984
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    Yes you are a little picky. To find a guy that meets everything on that list may be hard and you might pass up someone great by focusing too much on that list lol. Then again who knows that guy that fits all those things might come along. I would just be a little more open minded and see what happens.
     
    #20 john1984, Dec 23, 2012
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