My New Year's Resolution

My name is Dillon. I am 18 years old and I live in southwestern Ohio, near Dayton. I grew up with a great family who I know have always loved me very much. I have two younger siblings, a sister (15), and a brother (12). My family is full of Christians, and my parents and siblings regularly attend a Nazarene church, where being gay is unacceptable. I also attended and graduated from a Christian high school, where it was taught that homosexuality is a sin. I am now in college, and I no longer attend church with my family (they gave me the option when I turned 18).
I think I first realized I was attracted to guys when I was in 6th or 7th grade. It wasn't till a few years ago, and especially after I left the church, that I began to fully accept it. I knew I COULDN'T tell anyone, because I was at a christian school.
At the moment, no one that I know knows that I am gay. I am terrified of what my family, especially my parents, will say. I have sort of made it my "new year's resolution" to come out to someone that I know.
I was wondering if anyone had any advice for someone who is nervous and shy like me, and is gay in a christian family. I have thought about coming out to my sister first, because she seems like she would understand the most, although she could tell my parents. Any suggestions?

 

I'm not attending a Christian college. The people at my school seem to be MUCH more understanding than the people at my high school. I don't really have any close friends at college that I can talk about such things with.

 

I have seen the gay-straight alliance listed in brocures about the school and on the website, but there aren't any details about it. I think I should focus on telling someone before going there. My dad works at the college and he may find out about it. Thanks for the advice, by the way.

 

you're right. I just have to build up my confidence a little. I've always been a shy person. I even went to see a psychiatrist for it when I was younger. I think coming out to someone would really help me.

 

I do have a couple friends I went to school with from kindergarten through 12th grade who might understand and I have thought about telling. Maybe I could tell them first. They have no regular contact with my parents. (that I know of)

 

I think I can first ask them what they think about people who are gay, and ask them why they feel that way.

 

I will definitely try to bring it up the next time I come in contact with one of my friends.

 

You will be the first to know how it went. Thanks again for your advice.

 

SO HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED!!!

Like I posted before, it was my "new year's resolution" to come out to someone close to me. So today, January 1, 2013, seemed like a good day.

The thought of telling one or both of my parents had been eating me up all day. It was getting late, 10 PM or so, and I sat on a couch across the room from my mother. My christian, church-attending, loving, understanding mother. My Mom and I have a close relationship, even though she has a busy work schedule. The reason I chose to tell her first is because she is one of the smartest (if not the smartest) women I know.

So, let me set this up for you. I am 18 years old, a freshman in college. I am shy, and always have been. I have been attracted to other males since around 6th or 7th grade, and only recently have began to accept it. I've had both female and male friends throughout my elementary and high school years, but I have never dated anyone of either gender. Not even homecoming. I was raised in a Christian household, and was taught that homosexuality is a sin. My parents and siblings attend a Nazarene church, and I attended up until my 18th birthday.

So here's (sort of) a paraphrasing how our conversation went.

Me: Hey, mom, can I talk to you about something?
Mom: Sure.

Me: So, you know how I never asked any girls out to homecoming or junior senior banquet, and I sometimes say I don't see myself being married to a woman?
Mom: Yeah

Me: It's because I'm not attracted to women. I'm attracted to other guys.
Mom: You Know that's a difficult lifestyle, and it's not accepted by the majority of people. I think you're too young to be deciding on your sexuality, especially since you've never been on a date.
---At this point, I was pleasantly surprised she wasn't crying or quoting the bible.---

Mom: So, when things like a Victoria's Secret commercial come on the TV, it doesn't excite you at all?
Me: No

Mom: And You're ONLY attracted to men?
Me: Yes.

Mom: Have you ever pictured yourself married to a woman or having children?
Me: I have never really "pictured" that, but I know It's sort of "expected" of me.

Mom: well, I still think you need some time to think about how you feel about sexuality. I'd like you in the next couple of years to try and go on a date with a girl. I'm glad you talked with me about this.


I'm still processing what happened between me and my mom tonight. I don't know if she'll go upstairs to tell my dad or not. It really doesn't matter, in fact I'd rather her tell him than me. I decided against telling my 15-year-old sister, because I know when I was that age, that was the last thing I wanted to talk about. I was pleasantly surprised by my mom's understanding, but I was somewhat dissapointed that she thinks I'm too young to decide about my orientation. It's been 6 years or more that I have been attraced to men. I'm considered an adult now. What do you think?