Dating someone in the closet, not me (PLEASE READ, IMPORTANT)

...personally I wouldn't mind, but I'm kind of in the same situation.
I went out with someone who was a bit paranoid about it, he didn't
want anyone to find out, but eventually a wierdo/jerk -ex friend of
mine who had the hots for him had to bitch about how he was
jealous to his friend. ...Anyways, people found out and it wasn't
that big of a deal. But, we didn't do anything close in public and
neither of us are really out. I have close friends who know about
it too. So, to answer your question, I don't think it's that big of
a deal, but some people might. Hope that helped

 

Relationships where the partners are not fully open are very, very hard. I remember seeing a professional footbal player on Rosie O'Donnell's DVD about her GLBT cruises who had to remain closeted while playing football. His partner had to respect his wishes and they said it was very very hard but he did it because he loved him. After he retired from football, they lived their lives openly and authentically and ended up adopting two beautiful little kids.

Being in the closet puts strains on relationships. In my sons former relationship, his partner had come out but the parents were in denial and would not talk about it all. Adam never met his partners parents because of this and it ended up being the end to their relationship. I guess I would think very carefully about this. What are you willing to put your partner through and what is your partner willing to do for your relationship to be successful?

 

What becky said was true. however, if one partner dosn't wish to be fully open then the other partner should be supportive. however if u are not willing to do stuff that would make the other person feel somewhat "offended" then i don't see hwo it would work. i mean even if ur not open but ur still not 2 faced then everything should be good.

 

I think that maybe the question lies not in whether one is out and one is not, but whether the one who isn't is willing to make steps to come out. I mean, I'm not out to my parents and everyone yet, but gradually more and more people know...and I certainly intend to come out in the next six months. If I were out, I would date someone who was coming round to coming out, but I'd think very carefully before dating someone who had no intention of ever coming out - I think that the strain of being secret *forever* would be too great. But a slight difference of timing, if the closeted individual is taking steps towards coming out, is possible I think. - so I think it all depends on whether the intention and liklihood of coming out at some point is there.

 

I would date someone who wasn't out only because I'm kinda the same way. While I am out to everyone I'm not really open about it. I don't talk about it with my family unless they bring it up, and even with friends if they ask me if a certain guy is hot I pretty much dodge the question. So I'm in a glass closet essentially, people can see that I'm bi but I'm not open with it so I wouldn't discriminate at all against someone who was totally closeted and it wouldn't play a factor really if we both wanted to date each other.

 

I understand what your saying, Emperor. My friends don't really do it, because I'll tell them if I think someone is hot or something. But my mom, I told her and we don't talk about it unless she brings it up, and its usually a joke (not meant in a mean way because my mom is freaking sweet!)

 

I know what you mean. My mom is amazing at life and would never say anything to offend me about that but she does joke about it too. So I can relate =]

 

Go people with awesome moms! Wow, I'm offtopic *jumps back on*. Anyways, I had a slightly easy coming out process (with a few hitches) but some people won't have that, but if a person who is out really cares about the person who isn't out, they should just go for it, if the attraction is there, then closets shouldn't matter.

 

A friend of mine posed this question to me when he didn't understand why I was crazy about some guy I work with. The guy in question is either straight or closeted and I am hoping it is the latter. "Why would you want to date someone who is in the closet?", he said.

I am very much willing to make some sacrifices because I think this guy is wonderful. I was also in the closet a short time ago so I have an idea what someone like that would probably be feeling. I don't have any problems being just friends in public. So I couldn't hold hands in public, I wouldn't be able to take him out to dinner, etc. We could stay in and I could cook him a nice meal and after we could snuggle up and watch a movie.

There is one thing I would hope he could be open about but if not, it isn't a big deal and that would be meeting my parents. My parents are very supportive and have said they'd love to have my boyfriend over whenever I meet somebody. Again, I wouldn't hold it against them if they would rather not be open around my parents. I can do with just being friends around my parents.

 

I'm on the same page here. If someone is terrified about coming out, then they likely aren't entirely comfortable with themselves. If that is the case, how can they be really comfortable with you either?

Thankfully, my bf and I are pretty much in the same position. And while I came to realize I was gay a few months before he did, he has had to come out to more people faster because of how the 'news' travelled in his family.

My kids are younger, and I'm simply not ready to tell them yet. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I don't want to burden them with this while they are only 4 and 7. But he understands that and supports me. He told his kids because he had to, and they are older (7 and 10). To some extent, it is limiting some aspects of our relationship, but it is something that we're both willing to live with right now.

 

Absolutely I would. I'd want to help him, make him comfortable, etc. Isn't that the point of the gay community, standing up for each other?

Yeah, I totally understand. It's too bad...

Your post is pretty confusing :icon_wink but I too would be completely supportive. In fact, having someone like that would even be a plus, because I have this instinctive desire to help people (trust me, that's not always a good thing...).

 

My boyfriend's not out yet , but only a select few know like my friends and his best friend. But I kinda understand why because of all the crap he would get for it cause he's on like every team at school. Come to think of it only about 10 people know he's bi; him, his best friend, my best friends, and well me.