So, it's that time of the year again. Christmas time and new year. I'm so depressed for maybe a week now and i just can't behave normal anymore. I'm so tired of thinking why am i gay, why my sexuality is not acceptive, should i kill myself etc. This actually effects on my health. I don't eat normally and i'm just sitting on my bed with my laptop on my lap, all day long. I just can't handle it anymore. Today i was thinking all day about telling one of my girl friends that i'm gay just so i can talk about it with someone. I told her that i'm depressed and i feel really bad. Then i put a status with one song on facebook and wrote some of the lyrics, it goes something like this "Why i was raised in this shithole where i can't be different". She noticed that i wrote "what the hell is wrong with you?? You are acting really wierd." I panicked and wrote "hahah i don't know". I'm just afraid if i tell her that i will be scared of her telling other people. I mean, i know she wouldn't do it but i'm just so scared. Any suggestions? I just want to have a normal life. I didn't want this, I just wanted a normal life. I'm thinking to myself why i should live when i don't have any future in front of me. I can't move out of home, i can't go to colege. I'm just stuck in one place and it's killing me. I want to have a boyfriend, a good stable relationship like everyone straight couple has, I want to share my heart with him, but i can't because i live in this crappy city where being gay is sickness... Ahh.. I didn't know what to do anymore so i just scrambled something here so i can fell that someone is giving me support... :icon_sad:
Hi, I'm not an expert, just someone who related to what you said. :smilewave I understand how you feel, I've been there and I know it's not a nice place to be. I remember I felt so depressed I didn't want to live anymore. Sometimes I would lie on the bath's floor for the longest time, not wanting to think about anything... Just escape reality. That was three years ago, on Christmas, coincidentially. One of the things I remember is that I thought It would be like that forever, I saw no light. That's one of the scariest things about depression. But please, hang in there mate. I can tell you now that there IS light, it's possible to move ahead. That life is a wonderful miracle and there are great things waiting for you. And don't feel bad if you're not convinced by this. So how did I manage to overcome my depression? I sought professional help. Perhaps you could speak with your parents and tell them you're depressed (without telling them you're gay), and you would like to be taken to a therapist? In any case, you came here, which is a great step. Remember there are people who care and are here for you. :icon_wink
Thank you a lot for your support. It actually means a lot to me. It makes me happier to see that you made it through. I have a couple of questions.. Did you came out of closet and should i talk to my friend about it? And also proffesional help is a great thing but if i would told my parents that they will try to solve it without proffesional help.. :/
I did came out of the closet to my mother, brother, cousin and aunt, and two of my closest friends back then (the people I knew could handle it), but that was later, when I had my first boyfriend. My family didn't accept it immediately, but they did with time. About talking to someone else, I think it's a great thing if you have someone who is really close, you can trust, and you know has no problems with gays. I guess it's up to you to decide whether there is such a person in your life. Are you in highschool by the way? Does your school have a psychologist you could speak with? That would be a way to speak with someone without telling your parents. In any case, you can speak with me over here. =)
"i'm just sitting on my bed with my laptop on my lap, all day long" I've been doing this for months straight! I know how bad it feels to be trapped and frustrated with who you are. Every day I have to think about it and try to find mental peace. Sometimes it's easier and sometimes it's harder. You're not alone! I am looking forward to being contacted by a local psychological clinic. Their waiting list may take months, but after years of trying to deal with this on my own and only getting worse, I have decided to talk to doctors and psychologists. If nothing else it gives me a sense of routine, or landmarks in time, which otherwise becomes ambiguous. I used to have bigger dreams and goals to keep me going but now I just want to keep eating, sleeping, and stay comfortable until the next doctor appointment. I'm glad to have them. I know there are things you'd rather be doing, but staying safe is important too. Avoiding stress and finding ways to help yourself are worth your time. Find someone you can trust and talk to. A psychologist would be great. Even if your parents don't understand what you are going through at first, it's still important for you to let them know and tell them you would like to talk to a counselor. And of course you can talk online, too. I have been through major depression before and was able to accomplish many wonderful, overwhelmingly good things when I felt better. I'm back here in bed again, but I know that if we hold on and do what we can, things will change. And things will get better for both of us. Hugs to you... take it easy and don't beat yourself up, ok?
Hi there. I really understand what you're saying about depression. I've been majorly depressed since I was 16- just when I came out. Things that helped me were having people to talk to. If you feel too nervous to talk to your friend in person, I would advise writing her a letter. If you don't want to do that, I think online communities can be a decent substitute. The important thing is to talk abouthow you're feeling, and recognize that you are not alone and that your feelings have value. I would also really encourage you to look into seeing a therapist. Most high schools have counselors for this purpose, and universities almost always have a free student counseling center. Your parents don't need to know unless you want them too.
