I feel as if I need to let others know about my life right now and the situation (for lack of a better term) I am in. I'm not sure how long this will be, I'm just going to keep typing and go with the flow. I am currently finishing up my senior year of high school and will be attending a 4-year university next fall. I am gay, and I have always known that. I have never struggled with it or denied it either. I am not out to anybody and I don't really care. I'm not dying to come out or anything, but I've been content how it is now. However, I do realize that if I am going to want a relationship in the future, then I will most likely have to come out eventually. I don't really have a problem with coming out, but I'd prefer to keep it a secret until I am completely responsible for myself. As of now, I do not have enough freedom and rely too heavily on my parents. I see it better to keep it a secret for now for the sake of protecting my educational career. Like I said though, I know that I will most likely have to let them know at some point if I want a relationship. As for the romance component of my life, I have no experience. I have never dated anybody, kissed anybody, messed around with anybody, nothing. I'm not against it, I'm just not going to defy my preferences by dating a girl just for the sake of trying something. As for guys, my school is rather lacking in the quantity of interesting guys. Sure, quite a few are physically attractive, but would I date them? Absolutely not. For one, they identify as straight, or they are closeted homosexuals (which I don't doubt), but more importantly, the intellectual life at my school is simply sad. I'm literally appalled by the things I hear at school. But unfortunately, when I look at the honors and AP kids at my school, the guys simply are unattractive or I am just not compatible with any of them. This may sound like I just hold my standards too high, but I really mean it when I say that a ton of people are the same at my school. They all conform to a certain behavior because their friends do it. This is all not to mention that I'm also not out to anybody, so I haven't necessarily made myself available. I've done my fair share of observing though. Whatever though, I only have one semester left there. I'm honestly not sure how I am going to make decisions in college. Let me start by saying that when I do "come out", if I do, it will not be an announcement. I just won't hide the fact. I'll let people ask me, or I'll let it slip out casually in conversation. What I'm not sure about is whether I want to come out in college, and if so, when. What I'm thinking is I'll wait until I find somebody that I'm interested in and gradually let it slip out. This may even be stupid for asking since I have a feeling that I'll know the right time when it comes. If it's worth mentioning, I'm not gay by stereotypes, so most people do assume that I'm straight. This is why I'm considering "coming out" so I'm not completely hidden. If anybody has any experience like this whatsoever, some feedback/advice would be greatly appreciated. I just wanted to get this out there and see what other people think and how they may relate. Thank you for reading.
You have every right to keep this a secret as long as you feel necessary. No one should force you to come out at all. With that said, since you are single, it is just your life that you are responsible for. However, if you do eventually want a relationship, you will have to come out at some point... Maybe not right away, but eventually for the sake of your partner. I completely understand that there is no one of interest to you in your area, it is the same way for me. I'm a sophomore in college, and the types of guys around here are just so far from what I want it's depressing. So I'm definitely with you on that one, haha. But my sincere advice would be to just wait until you're comfortable coming out - regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not. It's totally up to you.
I don't think you should worried about it now. When you finally ended in college, you can make your decisions based on your judgement. I just finished my freshman year in college, I choose the people I trust to come out with, I don't go out and tell everyone I am gay and somehow, people just kinda know.
I don't think there's anything wrong with rarely being interested in a relationship with someone. My crushes are few and far between- I've fallen in love three times in my life, only two of those times resulting in a relationship, and in both cases it ended up not working out. But I'm happy I had the opportunity to be with exactly the person I wanted to and try things out anyway. I'm glad I pursued my crushes and have no regrets or daydreams of what might have been. You don't need to jump into anything. Just go with what feels right and don't be afraid to ask somebody out if you do grow a crush
