Should I?

i hate to put a downer on your post but here goes....

i am an only child (of my mums... which is who i live with)
came out (half...) when i was 12 as bi by a letter and then she came through to my room and spoke to me about it. she said it was fine, but i only did it to give her some hope of me marrying a guy so it wasnt that much of a shock. kinda testing the water.

then when i was 13/14 came out properly but only in a jokey way as i had a girl over and said she was my girlfriend and that i was a lesbian. (when she wasnt i just wanted to see her reaction) she said ok fine didnt think much o it.

i asked questions at that age too like what do you think o gay people e.t.c her response was always 'yeah they are okay, i have gay friends'.

then when i was 14/15 i stopped dating guys full stop my mum knew about my bfs (after i had a string o them one after another) then got a girlfriend (not serious). she said 'eww' when i told her so then i kept quiet for a few months after that and we broke up soon after as i felt i was disappointing my mum.

then when i was 16 i got another gf and kept her secret. then told my mum and she said ok again (i wasnt convinced her reaction was genuine). then i sat her down and said look im gay i cant hide it anymore. she then replied no youre not youve had boyfriends, youre bi. i didnt argue with her and being still young i thought well she is my mum so she must know who i am. so i just took her word for it.

then a few weeks after my mum saw me and my gf in public holding hands then when i came home that night she told me not to hold hands with my gf in public as it was a bad thing to do. then a week after that my mum let my gf stay over and caught us spooning fully clothed in bed (woah crime i know) and after she went home gave me a lecture about not doing that sort of thing in her house as it was wrong. soon after the girl broke up wi me but i felt it did us both a favor as i was still disappointing my mum.

then few months later sexuality came up and she was saying something like 'why dont you date him?' i said nah, hes not for me. then we were talking about sex or something and i just said to her well i dont wanna sleep with guys... i like girls. then swiftly left the room.

few weeks after that i became friends with a guy and we kissed. i was still trying to force feelings for him well for any guy because it was apparent my mum didnt like the girls i had dated, i just really wanted acceptance. i then told her that i had kissed a guy and that i was trying to force feelings for guys but it wasnt the same as my ones for girls. she said it was ok and whoever made me happy was that even if it was a girl. i still wasnt convinced of her words and that they were just an act as to how she had treated me when i had a gf.

few months later topic of love came up and i said well yeah i am a lesbian... she seemed to 'forget' often and said 'oh really'. i then said yes, then no more was said.
then few weeks after sexuality came up again and i was talking about a girl i liked and she said well you arent a lesbian, i know people who have lesbian daughters and youre not ike them, you dont look like them. (being femme and gay was hard for my mum to accept im sure).

then a few years after that i got my first serious girlfriend. she didnt take any notice of her at all. she wasnt allowed over at all i always had to go to hers. first time i stayed over and came home with the TINIEST i kid you not, tiniest hicky on my neck she was like 'that is disgusting dont you come home with that again from her', then months rolled by and she met her ONCE and her dad ONCE in the year we dated. it was awful! (the way my mum had no interest in my relationship). then we broke up and i was heartbroken and didnt know what to do but for some reason went to my mum for comfort and it was only then that she saw my in bits that she then realised i was a lesbian and that i did really like that girl.

its funny, it took her years to get it and now im 21.... i think she finally understands. it was really frustrating for me and lots of coming out again and again.... but she gets it a little at least now i feel.

just cuz you come out once doesnt mean you dont have to come out again and again anad again.

sorry if this was no help at all.

hope all goes well if you do come out (*hug*)

 

Oh, here's an interesting fact: you can have a baby with another man. Both of you provide sperm samples. Then the nucleus of one of your spermatozoa needs to be removed. That will make it very similar to an ovum. Then one of the spermatozoon of the other guy can join your "fake ovum". Then you just need someone to surrogate the embryo and tada! You just had a child with another man.

 

Hi Lewis,

I personally think that setting some sort of target is a good idea - if you know that coming out to your parents is something that you want to do. I know like a lot of other people here, that coming out to your parents is often the hardest coming out you need to do. I know just how easy it is to chicken out of it, even though you're adamant that you want to do it. However, it's important that your target is just that, a goal. If you do end up going past it, it's not the end of the world.

I guess being an only child does come with it's own difficulties and amongst all the fear of disappointing your parents by not conforming to the expectations they had for your life. I'm not an only child, but am the only son to what was a pretty rigid army man father. I guess what you have in your favour is that you are just that, your parent's only child. You have their full undivided love and if they cannot accept who you are, then they have truly lost their only child. Of course it will come as a bit of a shock to them, no parent really plans for their child to be gay - unless of course the signs are there from an early age. But their hopes for grandchildren are not necessarily going to be unfulfilled, as you well know. If you want to have kids, then there are possibilities out there. They might cost thousands of pounds - but if you really want kids, believe me you will save. It may take them a little while to adjust, but as you can imagine you are your parents child and for most parents that makes you their number one priority.

Things are always going to diverge from parent's plans of the white picket fence family. And when you consider that there are many straight people who don't want kids, or are criminals or substance abusers. I the cards they got dealt aren't so bad after all.

Anyways, I feel like I've been rambling on for a little too long now. In short, you know your parents better than any other person, so do it when you are ready and when you feel like it's right.

 

Funny thing, this was also at the top of my New Year's Resolutions list. It worked, too, except I decided to write a letter to my mom, stuck it in her work bag, and waited for it to happen. I'm glad I did set this as a goal. 1 down, everyone else to go!

 

I'm an only child. Is it me or does there appear to be a disproportionate number of only children on here, lol?

Anyway, I've only recently told my parents. They don't really accept it yet, but that's partly because I'm not even sure myself. But they didn't react badly or anything. I guess it just changes how they perceive your/their future, etc. They could still have grandchildren if that's what you wanted! But once they get over the initial shock I'm sure they'll be fine.

But if you're close to your parents I'd try and tell them sooner rather than later. It would hurt them if they heard from someone else and felt like you couldn't talk to them about it.