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Should our friendship be more?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pat, Dec 26, 2012.

  1. Pat

    Pat
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    Okay so.. I'm huge into cars. Always have been, worked on them for a while and I used to go to these car meets back in 09-10..And there was this kid there that I met, *Adam. I didn't pay him any attention, car was ugly lol.. groupie on my car like most people. I actually met my best friend Alex there. I fell for Alex at the meet, I had never met anyone like him.. We all went to dinner together that night and I was just really in awe of Alex. ANYWAY. Fast forward to now. The guy Adam started coming up on this.. app. And I saw him on another until finally, he sends me a message and we start talking. Got some minor history from knowing each other, but not knowing each of us were gay. Alex is straight btw.. lol. (I have terrible gaydar) So we chatted and processed to talking on the phone for long hours at a time.. I start to get the vibe that he likes me, which makes me back off because he knows a lot of people I know and moreso because I kinda view him as a friend and didn't want him to hate me if I turned out to be a sorry bf. One day I asked him over the phone and he very profoundly told me he liked me. Which, again, freaked me out a bit. Brushed him off. One day, I start looking at Adam and he's... he's kinda friggin cute. lol. So we exchanged pics one day (use your imagination) and were supposed to meet at a local car event and get away from everyone for a few. I reneged last minute and didn't go. I don't know why, But I just didn't want to lose him as a friend I guess.. Anyways, so one day he tells me he's dating someone. For some reason, I'm a little jealous, but moreso in a competitive way. Which I think is very, very bad because I feel like it's a challenge to be with him now, but I'm not so sure I want that, and I kinda feel like he would choose me over this guy of 3 months. We video chatted tonight and I dunno, I couldn't keep my eyes off of him (well, we're looking at each other anyway, but moment of silence staring) and he couldn't stop looking at me. I need some advice on this. I don't know what to do really..my competitive side wants to challenge his loyalty to the other guy.. and my mind is telling me that I'm not going to be very good for him. :/ I guess it makes sense to set boundaries, but it's not very easy because I'm so fucking lonely.. I mean, I'm in a new town. Met a guy today and he totally didn't interest me whatsoever. I'm starting to feel like Adam is clearly my match or as good as it gets and I'm fighting against it. He knows cars like I know cars, he likes sports, he's masculine, he's sensitive.. I dunno what to do with this.
     
  2. integrand

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    It seems like you two have a lot in common. Why is it it that you feel like you would be a bad boyfriend? Shouldn't you at least try and see where it goes? Maybe this thing with this other guy he's talking to isn't all that serious, so I'm sure it's not too late for you to try again. You'll never know how it turns out if you don't at least give it a shot. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lance

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    I agree with integrand. I'm not sure why you seem to be resisting a relationship since you guys seem like a pretty good fit.
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! On the one hand, I want to say: where is the fire? There is none, and you have a chance to see where this might lead you. There is no reason for you to sell yourself short. If you have feelings for him and feel you two would be a match, why not talk to him about it and take it from there?

    I can see and understand how the fear of losing him as a friend might hold you back in taking it further or perhaps even talking to him more openly about your feelings. But here is something to keep in mind, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't necessarily mean the you will also lose him as a friend.

    What is your gut feeling telling you?
     
  5. Pat

    Pat
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    My gut feeling tells me that I'm liking him for the wrong reasons. It didn't compel me to like him when he admittedly told me he liked me, but as soon as he moved on, it sparked something. I dunno man. I know genetics. I know how my father was, I put competition before all else at times and I feel like it's going to trickle into a relationship.. I think I'll just wait to see. If he doesn't make it with this guy, I'll see what would happen. Just maybe hang out more exclusively and not refer to it as anything. Kind of date I guess just to see how it would go.
     
  6. Mirko

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    Reading through your response I get the sense that it isn't so much about you are 'liking him for the wrong reasons' as it is about the fear of making yourself vulnerable and letting yourself be seen including your feelings and thoughts for someone. Something to think about.... :slight_smile:
     
  7. Pat

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    I told him how I felt. He feels the same, but he's in a relationship. We agreed that if that didn't work, he would date me. Which I knew already. But this is good. Thanks for the advice.