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i still get scared and embarassed when...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MerBear, Dec 27, 2012.

  1. MerBear

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    people ask me if i like girls.

    i don't know why , it happens every single time... I've been asked plenty of times but when people ask me personally , i get scared ...i guess because i personally don't know

    how can i get myself to take in the question without feeling that way
     
  2. FemCasanova

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    Maybe first you got to think about what it is that make you scared. Is it that they are prying into your personal feelings? Is it the possibility that you might like girls? It it not knowing? Have you tried writing down an imaginary conversation between you and someone else? Just so that you get to practice answering those questions, without laying it out there to be analyzed and judged by someone else? You are 16, it is kind of early to demand an answer to something like that. Some people use decades to discover their sexuality, some feel like they don`t know themselves at all at the age of 40. I don`t think you are supposed to know anything for sure, when you are 16 years old. I didn`t find out until I was like 18-20. And I was 22 before I actually started trying to date girls. You have got loads of time.

    But try to find out what scares you about it, and have an inner conversation, where you ask yourself these questions. Writing it down will help, because then you can read through it later, if you want to answer someone when they ask, or you can put the sheet of paper into a small black box, and pretend you are putting away your anxiety.
     
  3. MerBear

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    i know , i just have been questioning for a year now and its getting frustrating
    and i guess it's because i don't know and it's like..whenever someone asks me , i freeze
     
    #3 MerBear, Dec 27, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2012
  4. Argentwing

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    Own it. Say "yes" like a boss. Of course I don't know if you're ready for that, but sometimes people react better to overwhelming confidence than they do to embarrassment. The latter implies you agree that it's shameful, but if you're honestly proud of it, there's nothing they can say without creating conflict.
     
  5. MerBear

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    i can't tell whether i'm too scared to say i like girls because im too afraid to admit it or if i'm too scared because i don't know

    thank you answering :slight_smile:
     
  6. pinklov3ly

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    I think you're afraid to admit it to yourself because I've walked in your shoes before. And if you can't be honest with yourself, you will never be able to say "Yes". I literally drove myself crazy constantly thinking about it, but once I turned 19, I was pretty sure that I was gay, but I was in deep denial. I truly wish I would have found this site when I was struggling with my sexuality. I was so hung up on not wanting to be different, but there's nothing wrong with liking girls and you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed to like women. We only get this one life to live to to fullest, so live your life for you and no one else.
     
    #6 pinklov3ly, Dec 27, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2012
  7. MerBear

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    thanks , i feel ..like if i try to admit it to myself , i immediately supress it again ...it's like a constant back and forth with me. it's like im holding my breath and im too scared to breathe
     
  8. TKM

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    Honestly, it was like that with me, I think that's half the reason I came out to my best friend, no going back hahaha
     
  9. pinklov3ly

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    Yes, it's very scary, but you will feel so much better once you're out. I'm not saying come out tomorrow, but it does lift a huge weight off of your shoulders. If you're not ready then that's fine, there's no rush. I've only started actively dating women last year; however, I dated my first girlfriend when I was 18. It was a secret relationship that only lasted for 6 months, but after that I couldn't deal with being gay, so that's when the denial phase surfaced.
     
  10. MerBear

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    yeah , that would have completely sucked , it's hard for me ...because if i come out to my sister saying , i like girls ...then she'll just blow it off like A JOKE and it'll make me feel like ...i don't know ....scared
     
  11. pinklov3ly

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    Tell her that you've been questioning for a while and that it isn't a joke. I couldn't imagine someone taking it as a joke because it's such a scary thing to go through, especially when you have no one to confide in. None of us asked to be attracted to the same sex, so we have to make the best of it. And don't worry so much about what other people think.
     
  12. MerBear

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    well thank you. although i know what she would say , she'd say
    "well , how do you not know if you like girls or not?" and look at me like i'm stupid