Hey guys, sorry im new on here, I spent many many years questioning my sexuality, fearing it! wondering if i fancied women, and what if i was a lesbian!!! and just denied it. i went around sleeping with men when i was drunk it made me feel that i was just like everyone else but whenever my friends would talk about men i just wasnt interesnted at all!!!!!!! i used to get teased at school for being a lesbian and being "rigid" I looked up to my Teacher, she was very attractive and pretty and i used to love going to that lesson. Now, i never would let myself believe for one moment that i found her really attractive, i looked up to her, i thought it was just another role model i looked up to but looking back i actually did have a crush on her! AND WHO CARES! ok sao the reason ive been reading this is trying becuase i have accepted i am BIsexual, came out on facebook of all places abotu a year ago best desicion of my life and thats not being sarcastic. BUT now im wondering if i am lesbian. See, i know i could never come out to my parents or aunties and uncles for being Lesbian so i felt BI was ok - least that way my parents still have hope of me finding a man and marrying having children and bla blla bla but now, i wonder, the way i descirbe myself is on the bisexual scale but swinging majority to women and not to men....but then a year ago i came out of a (very short) relationship with a guy ...well a the longest relationship ive ever had with a guy! but we had sex a few times, he turned me on but there was no lust behind it no ....i dont no the word, no real passion and desire i guess. Im sorry for being detailed but could it be that im just attracted to the feeling not the person? i am deffinatly bi but would i just be denying that im a lesbian? or am i deffinatly bi and deffinatly not lesbian> i mean when it comes to my girl to girl sexual expeireinces it was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and if i had a choice of a female or male i woud deffinatly without a doubt choose female!!!!any ideas? i know i am the only person who can answer this but any help would be great z
You could be bi with a preference for girls. Being bi doesn't mean you can't prefer one gender over the other, but the question is "do you find guys attractive?" You obviously like women, but do you desire men? Also a little side note: It says your gender is male on the sidebar.
I have seen quiet a few posts asking the same question recently so try going back a couple of pages in the advice forumn you might get more advice. People think too much about labels , i think you should see who you fall in love and enjoy sex with in the end and not close and doors because of gender. Having said that i understand labels can make things easier so heres my view on the different lables: If you are sexually and emotional attracted to both genders equally or one more than the other than you are bisexual, if you are emotional attracted to both genders but only enjoy sex with women and arent physically attacted to men then your a homoromantic lesbian (like me, which sounds like your describing) . If someone askes me my sexuality i generally say i am a lesbian or gay because bisexual implies someone who enjoys sex with men which i dont and i would hesitate before getting into a relationship with a man because i wouldnt want to commit to someone who i couldnt enjoy itimiticy with and didnt feel physically attracted to, however i do sometimes get emotional crushes on men and could probably fall in love with one so when calling myself gay i am making things easier to explain but not actually using correction terminology just adapting to the situtation i am, for instance if i am clubbing and a guy starts chatting me up i say i am gay to iliminate any confusion and guys like that generally arent interested in a relationship. However when getting into a relationship with someone or coming out i explain my sexuality properly. One way i find works is who do you picture your self settling down with ? could it be someone of either gender or do you only picture a womens face ? that worked for me. So In other words bisexuals would have a relationship with a man or a women and is cable of enjoying sex with either. Someones whose gay can only be emotionaly and physically attracted to the same sex. I personally belive we are all a bit bisexual and capable of falling for someone outside the relhms or are sexuality so remeber if you come out as a lesbian and then fall madly in love with a man or come out as bisexual and then change your mind its not the end of the world. Good luck
Thanks guys hopefully i have changed my gender to female now?! In regards to lables, i think like you said im scare of saying to people i am bi becuase of the slander you get from people not being educated enough on it so to my friends im just gay and they dont care. but, what really bought it up was i was talking about going to the LGBT group and one comment which was innocently said was "your not gay are you? you had a BF a while ago" which is true but it never went anywhere i loved him as a friend that was it we did have intercourse and i enjoyed the feeling sorry to be detailed but then i was in complete denial of my sexuality. i enojyed the feeling as oposed to the whole man women side of it and i am deffinatly not attracted to men in the slightest i cannot really say whever i think a man is hot or not. i didnt find my ex attractive at all but i loved him (like i love my friends) but then we lasted a month and i was like oh well it really didnt bother me! i dont want to sound crude but its like i liked him as a person and i liked the sex for the feeling not becuase i was in love with him but then that doesnt make me lebian!!!! and the past ive had doesnt shout out im a lesbian becuase ive always been up for the intercourse but that was it and i wouldnt dare think about women becuase i was scared. i just hate the word bi becuase of the stigma attatched - but im not saying gays and Lesbians dont get stick becuase they do . In regards for marriage ive never thought about it in great detail i dont see myself with anyone tbh i would like to imagine myself with a women but i dont see it happening and i dont see myself with a man, up to about a year ago i always wanted a man but htat was becuase i was in denial , now i would LOVE to fall in love with a women but i just dont see it happening at all with anyone tbh, it doesnt help that as young ones we get it ingrained into us that one day we will find prince charming and live happily ever after, ive never been interested in men my longest relationship was about a month or two! im 22 and just think ughhhhhhhhh what???? im so confused im scared to say im lesbian incase i fall in love with a man( but i find it rather revolting now.) sorry to go on and on!
I get where your coming from here but as long as people are afraid to be honest about there sexuality the longer biphobia will continue , people who are biphobic are just insecure about there own sexuality or uneduated as long as you happy other peoples views shouldnt matter. thats just stupidity plenty of gay people have dated the opposite gender then realised its not for them or they new before hand but where in denial. Having slept with a man doesnt make you and less gay its how it made you feel and if you loved him or not , and you dont have to be entirely gay anyway you just have to like the person your with. you sound gay to me , if you come out as lesbian then fall for a man that is all that will happend you will fall for someone and be happy sexuality is fluid
thanks guys just its soooo annoying! i love it that my friends accept me as being gay and thats all that matters to me but i just keep rolling it over in my mind and think am i arent i? i think to those who i really know and know they wouldnt judge me im a lesbian but those who would probally not approve i wil ljust be bi ( who doesnt like men!) but then they say you can be on a scale you dont have to like men and women equally welll i certainly like women! thats all i know
The thing is, you know you like women. You don't really have any reason to think you might like men, except that it would make life easier if you did. You don't want to date men, you only wish you did. Bisexuals don't necessarily have equal interest in all the genders they are interested in, but they are always genuinely interested in more than one gender. And I don't think that "slightly preferring a relationship with a man to total lifelong solitude" is really enough. I don't really recommend saying you are bi when you know you are actually a lesbian. You will get just as much disapproval, really, and you still won't be being honest with people. And people will keep pushing you to date men, which you don't want.
