Hi I'm new to the forum....as well as this whole experience, sort of...it's complicated...I guess the only way for people to help is to know what's going on so forgive the rant... When I was in high school (soph yr) I told my mother and sister that I was a lesbian. This was after my best (girl)friend, whom I shared more then a friendship with, moved away. I felt lost for a long time, and of course being a teenager I felt nothing wrong with the rebellion of saying such a thing. My mother cried, my sister was indifferent. By my junior/senior yr it had faded away into just one of those "high school phases" that I had gotten "out of my system" at least thats what people assumed and I myself shoved the possibility (and the experiences) of it far from my mind. So for years I went on being "normal" I made out with guys, I checked them out and did all the regular stuff straight girls do, except have sex and date. Something always stopped me before anything got close to that point with guys. There was always something missing, that soemthing I had felt with the girls in highschool. Most of the men who had crushes on me just became my best buds and I was just one of the guys. This contiuned though my freshman and sophmore year of college. I didn't think much of it. I didn't allow myself to even entertain the idea of me being gay. It wasn't until I was lying on my friends couch one night last week that I realized the reason I never felt the urge to have sex with the guys that liked me that I thought I liked, the reason I was attracted to my transvestite friends, the reason I turned down sex when I had the opprotunities to have it, and mostly why I have always kept women at a distance, I am lesbian. It was like I had finally woken up after years of being in an emotional and sexual coma. Naturally accepting that was not easy. It had me curled up in a ball vomiting tears into the lap of my best friend for 4 hours. I'm still comming to grips with being okay with the reality of it all. My friend says it will get easier, I think he's right, although I'm a bit bitter towards his advise since he has his boyfriend to be there for him and I have no female friends here at college at all, let alone female friends who are gay and/or I can talk to about this. To be honest I'm scared Sh*tless of it all. Mostly because deep down I know that it's true, which is both comforting and terrifying. Only 2 of my best (gay male)friends know, and one other (long time chick friend) knows I'm Bi (I hid behind the "I'm a bisexual" title for years because it was safer then admitting I'm a lesbian). So at this point I have no idea what to do. I know that I would like to be in a relationship,at some point. But I have no idea how to go about that or even where to start making friends with other lesbians in my area. I don't think I'm mentally ready for that just yet. Then the issue of telling my friends is really starting to eat way at me big time, not to mention how the hell I'm going to tell my mother that her 20yr old daughter is actually gay, or if it's just better left unsaid at this point. That's the long of it, now the short of it....I need help, I thought I could do it on my own but I realize now it's just too big to do it all alone. Any advise?
Well...you don't actually have to blurt it out to the entire world straight away... I would suggest that you become comfortable with what/who you are first. It sounds as if you are on the way to being there, but could do with some help from like minded people. Are there any Lesbian support/Gay help groups in your area? You might not know - but it is amazing what you can discover with Google.:icon_wink I would suggest trying to seek out some people who can help you come to terms with the way you are feeling, and the journey ahead in regards to coming out. Even if there is no-one in your immediate vicinity, there might be some sort of group/counselling service available by telephone. Just bear in mind that it will likely be easer if you treat "coming out" as a sort of a progression...try doing so to the people you think will likely be sympathetic and understanding (and keep the confidence) first...and hopefully 'build your confidence" by doing so. The ones that you are less sure about - or the ones you feel you would find the most difficult - would probably be best left until a little later, when you feel more able to deal with the potentially "less easy" reactions a little more positively. This may (or may not) include your family. Others here may have other ideas (maybe totally disagree with me!) - but stick around and I'm sure there will be a heap of other suggestions for you to evaluate - and decide what is likely to work best for you. Good Luck!
hey silvermyst.. Woah... that night last week must have been pretty intense. I agree with you, I don't think you're ready to begin dating just yet. You need to be comfortable within yourself first. Those things you would have thought about while you were curled up in a ball...you really have to reevaluate them one by one. They're holding you away from yourself. On the other hand, you feel like you've "awoken from an emotional and sexual coma" ... hey, that sounds really positive and great. With that in mind, it's time to readdress the preconceptions you have, things that are keeping you from accepting who you are. Coming out is all about phases -- phases for everyone. In a way, you're not completely out to yourself yet. Do that first, before you add any potentional complications like your parents and others. Gain strength and help from your friends -- you're really lucky to have them. It's tough, it is, but you'll be ok. Well done for coming around to it like you did.
