Hi all; I found this site, and read a few posts, and have felt that a lot of great advice has been given, so I would like to ask for some. It is a long and somewhat complicated story. SO hear it goes. I am 48. I have not dated anyone seriously for over 14 years. I have been taking care of my elderly parents, and kind of resigned myself to being alone for the time being. Well, all of that has changed. I am a teacher. My vice-principal is a 31 year old woman, who I have actually taught with for 8 years, but never gave much thought to in the past. She is new as a vice-principal. About 2 months ago, we had a heated arguement in which I said some things I felt bad about. I went to her office to apologize, and started crying (I do that when frustrated sometimes) She also started crying and said I hurt her feelings. Anyway we hugged it out. After that I felt this huge crush on her. I chalked it up to the emotional outburst we had, and tried to move on. However, since then, she has made comments that have got my brain all wrapped up. She has complimented my hair, clothes, eyes, what not. Again, I kept telling myself, this is ridiculous. She is 17 years younger than me, and my boss. One night we decided to get drinks after work to blow off some steam. We talked for three hours, in which time she kept touching my arm, staring at me, and seemed very interested in my "story". She made some comments about going places together, and other things. I walked her to her car, and we just hugged. After that, we started texting. I just came out and asked her if she "liked Italian" and told her about this restuarant I'd like to take her. I asked for that week-end, but she was determined to work on her dissertation, but would like to check it out soon. That was a week before Christmas break. She had been sick that week, so it never really came up. Part of the problem is I am not sure of her orientation. I know that she was with one woman before, and that woman decided it "wasn't for her" Beyond that all I know is that she has dated men primarily. We have texted a lot back and forth, and I have been going through a rough time losing a friend, and she always tells me that she is always here for me for whatever I need. This woman has me all worked up. I have been told by friends to just ask her orientation, but others say I shouldn't. I try to notice how she is with others, and I don't notice that she is an overly touchy person with others. So, that's it. She is my boss, 17 years younger, and I don't even know her preference in partners. I feel like some sort of teenager right now, and somewhat foolish. I have been out of the loop for so long, I am not sure if I am just crushing on her, or if the feeling is mutual. She is out of town for Christmas break, so I doubt I'll see her before we go back to school. She has texted me once to "check in" and wish me a merry Christmas. I responded once, and let it go at that. I feel like I should just let her come to me, but since she is the boss, she may be uncomfortable with this. Sorry this ended up so long, but I have been spinning my wheels for two months now trying to figure her out. She is incredibly kind and compassionate. Any advice would be much appreciated!! Thanks all
When you were out together, you say she touched her arm a lot. Can you remember if she touched her own neck, her own arms, chest, etc, too? That is often a sign of interest. She compliments your looks. I would take that as a sign of interest as well. All in all, I think there are too many positive signs here for you to ignore it, and do nothing. I would ask her; "if you asked her out on a date, would she have said yes, or is she not looking on that side of the fence?" Then she can say no nicely, and it will be easier for her to do so. Or, she will finally get confirmation that you are interested, and she can say yes. In any case, you should ask her something! If you wish to be less direct, asking her if she`s into guys or girls is a good start. Good things are worth a little risk. Or else, you might end up wondering for the rest of your life how it could have gone, and if you wasted it waiting. *Hugs* All the best of luck to you!
This may sound harsh but if it looks like there's a serious possibility of a relationship, one of you should ask to be transferred to another school - dating/relationships between direct reports is generally against most HR policies, and if she's just starting to move into a supervisory/management role it definitely wouldn't be good for her career. Best of luck and hope it works out for you both.
Fem; Sorry, I mistyped, she kept touching MY arm a lot. Thanks for the advice, it does seem like a lot of signs. Awesome; thank you too. You are not being harsh, that thought has crossed my mind a lot, how this could be considered inappropriate, and difficult for her. However, our district is a bit more lenient with this sort of thing, and our school itself is very gay friendly. But, I know you are right. She is very determined to move up the ladder quickly, and will probably make principal soon, and eventually wants to get to the district level. I feel like because of this, I should just back off. I think she knows how I feel though, since I blush very easily, and feel like she can see right through me. Again, thanks for advice.
Lol, I mistyped as well, I meant your arm! Scientists say that touching parts of yourself, like arm, neck, chest, etc, combined with also touching arm, shoulder, etc, on the one you are with signals interest.
