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Friends management

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by caramba2654, Dec 27, 2012.

  1. caramba2654

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    Hello! I've had some friendship problems lately, but I found out some (hopefully) functional solutions to them. But I still need a little bit of clarifying.

    I have 2 friends that I really like to be with. But I need to make new friends. And I don't know how to manage everything. Like, how will I decide which friends I'll spend the day with? Or how to make sure I won't go back to have them both being my only friends? Or even how not to abandon them completely, since I like being around them very much. Basically I'm afraid that I'll make new friends, spend the day with them, but deep within myself wish that I'd spend the day with my 2 friends. I just need to know how to avoid that. How to manage my friendship so I don't fall in any situations like that. Any suggestions?
     
  2. ezkill

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    Honestly? It's really not too difficult. Be proactive in making plans with all of your friends (not necessarily all hang out together). Be thoughtful about including your friends if it seems like they want to join. Most importantly, don't be flakey. Being flakey is a big NOPE when it comes to real friendship. If you make plans with a friend, don't cancel or forget (within reason). Other than this, there's no reason to fret over this. Good luck
     
  3. caramba2654

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    Hm... Easier said than done. I usually don't go out with my 2 friends, because it's just the way we live. We seek for productive things to do together, and nowadays there's nothing much like that. If I make new friends, I'm sure I'll try to go out with them as soon as an opportunity arrives, like a good movie or something.

    The problem is on the part where I'm afraid to stay with new friends and miss the older ones. It's kinda hard to explain. Basically I need to go out with new friends, but at the same time I don't really want to. For example, a few weeks ago, at school, I forced myself to spend the whole day with someone other than my usual friends to see what it would feel like. But during the day, I felt really sad because I didn't had them near me. And the next day I spent the whole day with them both and totally forgot about the other person.

    See? Trying to be as clear as possible, I'm afraid that I'll miss my 2 friends staying with new friends, and that I'll completely forget my new friends if I go back to my 2 friends. I don't know how to deal with that, how to manage my friendships. And that's what I'm asking for help. Making friends won't be hard for me. Managing them will.



    (Oh, also, a little rant [not directed to anyone]: How come my threads only get a few responses, while a single-line "please help me" thread gets like, a Bible worth of posts? ¬¬ )
     
  4. 4AllEternity

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    It sounds like you're trying to make new friends just because you think you're supposed to. Most of the time, when a person actually starts looking for more friends actively, they're either just trying to live up to what society says is "right", or have self-esteem issues that they believe finding more friends will help.

    I say that unless you meet someone that you really want to be friends with, just stick with the friends you have. Don't start up friendships just for the heck of it, unless you legitimately enjoy the time you spend with the new people.
     
  5. caramba2654

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    Yeah, I guess. Actually, everyone I asked in real life (even my 2 friends) said that I should make new friends. And I mean everyone, so I thought that would be something that would sure help me. But I guess you're right. I think I have to wait until I find someone worth making a friend.