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seems impossible at this point

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Erik, Dec 27, 2012.

  1. Erik

    Erik Guest

    Hey guys, so I recently found this site after searching "it is impossible for me to come out of the closet" on google. So, that should pretty much sum up where I'm at in my life right now. I thought I would give you a little backstory:

    I am not familiar with the norms of this site, so if I come off a little too explicit, I am sorry. I initially found out I was attracted to men when I was in 7th grade, I believe, which is age 13. The weird thing about it is that I found out while masturbating to women (again, sorry for the explicitness). The strangest thing is that in hindsight, I have realized that the attraction I had towards women at that time was 100% real. However, the attraction I had towards men kept increasing to the point that I could not ignore it. I remember crying after the first time I masturbated to gay porn, and saying to myself "no one can find this out".

    My life continued on and I basically went through High School in a state of limbo. I just simply went through the motions. I landed myself into the somewhat popular group of straight guys that all had no problem with making fun of gay people. I never held a serious girlfriend which was not too uncommon for people in high school, so I felt like I could get away with it.

    I graduated high school and moved on to a College out of state. I joined a fraternity and I landed myself into yet another group of straight guys who are not of the most tolerant type. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself, but I think it is because they are the type of people I always have identified with. I could never just hang out with a bunch of girls, that's just not me. Anyway, so now I have now found myself in a position where coming out of the closet would be completely and utterly shocking for TWO groups of straight, intolerant friends, and on top of that my family.

    Girls have labeled me as prude because everytime I hook up with a girl, I really never take it past foreplay. But what confuses the hell out of me is that sometimes I really am aroused by the girls I hook up with, but I just don't know if I am attracted to the attention and intimacy, or their actual physical appearance. I think that I want to be straight so badly that the idea of being with a girl arouses me. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read, and I hope someone can find some similarities to my story

    -Erik
     
  2. Argentwing

    Full Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey man. It's great you found this site where you can talk freely about everything you thought would be a sordid secret forever. Don't worry too much about explicitness; it is a site about sexuality, so some description is a given. :wink:

    I am sort of talking out my rear end here as I've never been the social butterfly, but is it true that your fraternity is not tolerant of gays? I mean, they may throw around words like "fag" cheaply, but that doesn't mean they'd actually abuse you if they knew you were gay for real. Hell, I occasionally call things gay as an insult despite feeling that homo relationships are beautiful and being halfway there myself.

    I look forward to seeing more posts by you. Feel free to shoot me a profile message if you want to chat. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Erik

    Erik Guest

    sword, my fraternity is actually not intolerant at all and we have a few openly gay members. however, the group of guys I hang out with are not the most sensitive to the subject. I clearly need to select my friends a little better...
     
  4. Argentwing

    Full Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, at least your overall environment isn't so bad.

    Depending on how strong your bond is with these friends, do you think it would be possible to change their minds? A lot of people are against homosexuality PERSONALLY, meaning the idea of their doing it grosses them out but other people minding their own business is fine. And then there are those who think it's a real abomination and would crush it from the planet, but those people are usually a very visible brand of crazy. If you're really good friends with them, I'd first try coming out to them and see if they keep being nice to you. If not, bye bye, and you'd have every reason to ditch them for both your and their sakes.
     
  5. Ianthe

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    Maybe you could start by branching out and making MORE friends--you don't have to ditch your current friends, just make friends with some gay-friendly people as well. Consider the groups of friends with the out gay people at your frat in them.

    The idea is to build a base of people that you know will support you and keep your friendship before you take the step of coming out.

    Surely it wouldn't be that strange to make friends with some more people in your fraternity? Once you make friends with them, your gay frat brothers would be excellent candidates for you to come out to, when you want to start coming out. (You just start with one person, it's not an all-or-nothing kind of thing.)

    You could also start speaking up as an ally for gay rights and so on--just start objecting on principled grounds when your friends denigrate gay people.