If I stop hating men will I be straight or at least bisexual?

To answer your question, no, you are who you are and there's nothing wrong with being lgbt. And I'm so sorry for what you went through growing up, have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? It seems to me like, you're thinking history is going to repeat itself, but you can't let the past dictate your future. Because like you said, most of your friends are males. For me, I don't hate men, I kinda envy them because they can be intimately with a woman in ways that I cannot.

I think if you're comfortable enough telling them how you feel, then go ahead, but do they know you're gay? I also think you're afraid of men hitting on you because you're going to reject them, but do it nicely. I often feel bad, but it is what it is.

It's okay if you're not interested in men romantically, neither am I , but I have loved one man in my entire life and he's the father of my kids. I did try to conform, made a family and yet here I am...still gay. I think you should try meeting someone and venture out by meeting females even if they only end up as friends.

 

Ok I kinda just read the first part but mabye try asking a councler and the councler and I think u were scarred by what happined earlier on in ur life

 

I think there is more to why you do not like being around males than your past experiences. Those kinds of traumatic events would not normally lead one to hate an entire gender - but more or less hate/fear certain kinds of people.

I think what you describe is more of an awkwardness or timidness around certain kinds of males. I say certain kinds because you have written that you do not mind hanging out with your male friends. These types of males do not intimidate you the same way that other stereotypical males can.

Seeing as you are clearly a Mass Effect fan, I can use myself as an example to explain what I think is going on. I myself am a gamer (and also a huge ME fan) - and most of my friends are indeed male. Its also not surprising that every single one of them is also a gamer and I am completely comfortable around them. We share the same interests and we get along great. If I am at work however, I hang around males who do not share any of the same interests as myself and I feel REALLY awkward and intimidated around them because I generally do not like those types of males. In fact I could also summarize that I do not like males - but only those who are similar like myself.

If my male friends were not gamers - I would admittedly be intimidated around them too. I probably wouldn't hang out with them at all.

The point I am trying to make here is that you do not fear or hate males. Males just make you uncomfortable - which is by all means acceptable. Why is though that you hate males? I do not know, but for my case I think it stems from the fact that I generally have fewer common interests than the stereotypical male. Over time I just found that I'd rather avoid them than try to know them.

I really hope you can relate to something I have written. If it does indeed turn out that I am completely wrong and that you actually do have an inherent fear of the entire gender than I really do think you need help. But honestly I think you are just fine and you sound like an awesome person to hang around. Asari FTW

 

You just need to understand that this is an irrational fear. You should not hate someone because of the shape of their body, or the tone of their voice. Their reproductive organs mean nothing. What truly matters is whats in their mind, and if these guys are really your friends then you can trust them. Our bodies are vessels, remember that.

There is no reason to be more afraid of men than women or an animal... just repeat that and internalize it. People are just people.

 

In the instance of my experiences and my sexuality i look at like this: I know i like women and did so before the abuse so i would still be part of the lgbt community even if i hadnt been abused.The fact that I am ocassionaly emotionally attracted to men makes me think i wasnt born completly gay mayby even bisexual but leaning towards women , but it this time in my time i dont find men phyically attactive and can therefore only imagine myself with women so i therefore only get into relationships with women and be done with it, but if i were too fall for i man i might then re evaulate my sexuality. If you feel like your fear of men is getting in the way of your life for example if you believe your going to be raped or that you cant trust men mayby you should consider therapy , but just remeber it wont make you straight , you shouldnt try and repress feelings of the same sex only build on your ability to trust men on a frienship level and at the end of this if you happend to fall for a man than just go with it and be happy. Ive thought about going back to therapy recently as when drunk i started mubbling about that what men did and trying to hurt myself i didnt know i felt like this and i probably should try and improve my views on men.

 

well my mom seems to hate men irrationally too. she has mental issues, and she assumes all men want to rape her.

so it was hard for me a couple days ago to tell her i feel like a man, and may want to change my name to David. She has no idea how deep it goes in me...yes, i do want to have sex as a man does with women.

she has expressed in past i seem so tall and big and scary to her...as a daughter...i got to tell you i am worried if i transition she will begin to fear me too as a son. Why? cuz she even made up stuff about her dad (trust me, it was her illness that made it up) and she has fears of her brothers (not the right ones, they are just evil jerks not at all interested in rape)...i need mom to love me not hate me for being a man.

i knew a women's libber once who had a little boy, he was really cute about 2. I was about 6. She only spewed venom how much men were evil and bad and she hated them. she may have had bad luck with men she went out with, but her anger i bet destroyed that little son of hers.

like another guy said, whatever the shape of our container, it is only important what the person's soul is inside...are they cool? kind? funny? caring? honest? loyal? Then if they were a girl wouldn't you want to be close to them too? if the only reason you don't want to be around men is a fear brought on by abuse as a kid, you just gotta face that fear rationally. I been beat up by both genders. I don't hate either.

 

Hey I can relate a lot to this. I know people are born gay, but sometimes (and this is just towards myself) I feel like maybe my abuse swayed me this way. The sexual abuse started when I was only 3 years old so all I know is this and it continued on for many years. I wish I could remember my feelings while growing up, I suppressed so much of my childhood/teens that sometimes I feel like I could have been born yesterday. I do know I was a tomboy when I was younger and most of my friends were boys. This sounds weird, but I didn't know about the abuse while growing up. A few years ago is when it all came back to me during some group therapy so I didn't know why I was cautious around men, why they made me uncomfortable, etc. Yet I still liked girls and that's not because of the abuse. You like women not because you hate men.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I'm around if you ever need to talk. I try to be good at this advice stuff, but I think I'm more useful if you need some sort of distraction. Or a joke or 2. :lol:

Here's a hug (*hug*)

 

I think a straight woman would still hate men, but would be attracted to them sexually. Her relationships with them would probably lack trust, and be all kinds of messed up, but generally speaking, she would still be attracted to men sexually.

Gender non-conforming children are more likely to be gay (or transgender, obviously) than other children. I think that most likely, the abuse was caused by the gender non-conformity, which is related to your sexuality, rather than the abuse being the cause of your sexuality. Meaning that the causality goes the other way.

If you get to the point that you can come out to your guy friends, maybe then it will be easier for you to not worry that they are looking for a sexual relationship with you.

I really think you were most likely always gay. I know that I was a lot more uncomfortable around men before I really accepted that I was a lesbian--I think I felt like I would have to "give them a chance" or something. It may be that accepting your sexuality will help you to feel better about men, as well.

 

that i can relate to.
sadly on fb a guy assumed I'm cis-gender male and we were having a great time even after he saw me in person...issue wasn't my voice or body, it was my school called me kathy not kat....and it eventually eroded away all i had gotten, cuz they plastered it on my email and to log into computers and on blackboard.

I'm now fighting them to not do it next semester, but a big damage to my identity was done for 2 letters.

i don't want either lesbians who are man haters or men who are straight to see me as a female and want my body to be that. i want friends, but i now am concerned the few guy friends i got left only see me as a girl or trans that is a girl...not another guy. dang it! its queer when a guy flirts with me!

 

I think you have a point. Maybe this is more about me being uncomfortable with myself. I'm not out to my guy friends yet. I'm worried my close guy friend might be heart broken and stop talking to me because I think he is kind of in to me. I'm afraid the only reason my guy friends want to hang out with me is because they find me attractive. I'm worried that if they know I don't like them they will stop being friends with me.[/QUOTE]


"I'm afraid the only reason my guy friends want to hang out with me is because they find me attractive."
Theres another problem right there. Everything you have wrote here is based on ridiculous (most likely false) assumptions. They're probably friends with you because they like you as a friend, not because they're lusting over you.
Same thing with your trust issues. You're assuming that men aren't trustworthy, yet you really have very little reason to think so. I believe you really just need to stop assuming things and take people for face value because chances are you're wrong about a great many people.

 

@Ianthe do you think that gender non-conformity can cause children to be more likely to be sexually abused? Cause Ive heard this theory before, but if so, why do perpetrators like to pick gender non-conforming children? Simply because they stand out?

 

i know everybody may hate me for it bi=ut i think pervert molesters of boys who claim he was gay and coming on to me use that...i think they were not gay kids but the raping was the 1st sexuality they had and it affected them greatly. to complete discount that is to give them evil pervs a license to say each kid is gay and flirting with him...prove it not true...well i think it aint true.

 

Gender non-conforming children are more likely to be alienated from peers and family. This makes them more vulnerable to sexual predators--sexual predators often target children who are lonely and need more attention, because it's easier for them to get a child like that to cooperate. (Gender non-conforming children have it worse, but I know I was also alienated from my peers just because I didn't think the New Kids On the Block were super awesome. I just couldn't relate to this major thing that was going on with the other girls, even as a little kid--and I've never been what you would call gender non-conforming, except for the whole liking girls thing. But I know it caused me significant social problems. So, LGBT children can be vulnerable, even if they are not noticeably gender non-conforming.) But predators look for children who are outcasts, who have less support from friends and family. The more obviously "different" a child is, the easier it is for a predator to notice their vulnerability.

LGBT children and youth are also more likely to be kind of self-destructive because of shame they have about their sexuality or gender identity, and may therefore be more likely to put themselves in harm's way. Based on some things I've become aware of as a staff member here, I would definitely say that's a contributing factor to why young LGBT people are more likely to report having experienced sexual abuse.

And there is another factor: gay people often have to work through a lot of shame as part of the coming out process, so people who have come out as gay may have an easier time, as a result of that experience, dealing with the shame around any sexual abuse they may have been through, meaning that they would be more likely to tell people about it.

However, Asari has not specified sexual abuse--and she included bullying as part of the abuse she is talking about. So, I think that she is not referring, in this case, to sexual abuse, necessarily.

Being gay is not caused by abuse, sexual or otherwise--if it were, there would be a lot more gay people. Definitely, if being mistreated by men turned women into lesbians, there would be VASTLY more lesbians than there are. Just sayin'.