I'm 18 and closeted. I have a huge crush on a guy who went to the same high school and now the same college as me. He's effeminate and in high school everyone thought he was gay, but he claims he's straight and dated girls (I dated girls too, doesn't prove anything). Our college is in our hometown so we both live at home; our families are religious and our friends gossipy, so even if he is gay, coming out is not an option for either one of us until we graduate/become financially independent. Recently we've been going out alone a lot, to restaurants and bars and movies, but nothing major ever happens. Usually he's the one initiating these "dates". It could just be "hanging out" to him, since he always asks me to invite other friends to join us, yet he never invites them himself. I've tried flirting (playing footsie, winking, touchy feely), half the time he flirts back, but sometimes he'd loudly say "don't do that" in front of all our friends. If we see a gay couple in the street he points and stares, making a bigger deal out of it than my friends who are for sure straight. He says "that's so gay" a lot; would a gay guy say that? Could I be sending out the wrong message? I can't fake smile, so when I look at him it might seem like I'm glaring… I'm also slow at texting; when I don't respond to his messages right away, he gets upset and demands, "why are you ignoring me?", but it's because I fell asleep or something like that. How can I know if he likes me? How can I let him know that I like him, without actually coming out, in the chance that he's not gay? He could also be gay but in denial or lack self-awareness; either way, what should I do?
TylerBless, you could always bring up a subject to him like "What do you think of gay marriage?" or "What do you think of gays serving openly in the military?" Then you could tell him your response before he gives his. The only way to know for sure is to ask. Just because he says no to romantic advances doesn't mean that he truly doesn't want them. As far as his behavior of saying how things are "SO gay," sometimes the people who are the GAYEST think that they have to spout gay hate in order to deflect attention from their own homosexuality. Some times those people are jealous of other gay couples because they want to be gay but don't feel that they can come out.
Hey capt! i tottally agree with you, it does seem that some people who are so closeted are the first ones to say somthing about other gays and it gets on my nerves. People do change i think or at least thier points of view. I have a friend that ive known for many years that told me when he was in high school that him and his friend were gonna go mess with the gay prom that was in his town, as soon as that came out of his mouth i blew up on him! (at the time he didnt know about me) I told him WTF gave him the right to mess with other people happines and i made him sad and feel upset. Flash forward him and i had a quick fling and this guy thought he was straight his entire life. SO now whenever a gay topic comes up hes pretty supportive and level headed about it...........Sorry went on a rant. My point is that i agreee that sometimes it is guys trying to take the spotlight off themselves. And tyler! Id say be happy that he gets jelous if you dont text him back, that actually means he craves your attention which is not only a good sign, its a great one!
