So today was the shittiest day in history. My dad nearly kicked me out the house and told to not come back to work either after a fight this morning regarding my stepmom, who took me shopping yesterday and I pulled a face at what she picked out from the ladies section and she got fed up and walked out, and my dad crapped on me for it but they know I'm trans (ftm) now but say I'm the one not trying hard enough. And I tried to stand up for myself saying I'm a guy inside and he keeps trying to push me towards being a lesbian. Thats when he flipped. I haven't slept since I came out just before Christmas, I'm on the verge of hanging myself or driving a knife into my throat, and as soon as he said I shouldn't live with them anymore I burst into tears because I'm so emotional. but things have cooled down, so fingers crossed for the next few days. My life is in limbo.:icon_sad:
Oh dear. Those parents of yours sure have no clue about parenting! I mean, what makes a parent being a good parent is to raise and protect your child but also to accept them and love them unconditionally. I've been through about the same struggle as you, being ftm too and all. But I forced myself to conform to what my mom wanted me to be. It's not better, believe me. Got me really messed up and at the end I didn't even gain her approval, and now that I'm out and myself as a guy, she rejected me thoroughly. Makes for crappy holidays ...the right thing to do is be strong and be yourself. If you're able and in age to go ahead without your parents, I think you should distance yourself from them as they are only dragging you down. It's in every child's nature to strive for their parent's approval, and that usually lasts a lifelong. You can still hope that someday you'll have made yourself a wonderful fulfilling life as a man and that maybe your parents will be proud of having you as a son, when that happens. (*hug*)
oh, that really sucks.... i'm sorry things have continued to be hard on you.... your dad and step mom are undoubtedly struggling with things right now, but they have no right to take crap out on you. as if you aren't struggling already! it's horrible what a rush of emotions can make people do/say in the heat of the moment.... i hope you understand, though, that the things that are being said out of anger, the way you've been treated.... i'm sure your parents don't REALLY mean it, even if the emotions boiling inside them at the time make it seem like they do. please, please keep hanging on and give all of this time.... it will take time for things to smooth over and for your parents to come to accept what you've told them. you need to make sure that you are still around to see the day when they finally do. you CAN get through this. please, please don't let yourself get caught up in the moment or on an impulse and do something to harm yourself... please try and keep your "eyes on the prize" and focus on the future, on getting through the present and making it to the day when your parents accept you and things get better. you CAN do it. things WILL get better. please don't give up. (*hug*) edit: +1 to what PurpleCrab said!
@purplecrab, u hit the nail on the head with the parents approval thing, I conformed for years and finally I've had enough and it's not going well I'm waiting for my mom to reject me when I tell her, my dad even said so. Thanks for the kind words and advice, il try to tree lightly and hope for the best. @curlycats, yeah as if life couldn't throw me anymore curveballs this is like a smack in the face. I know it was out of anger (my dad has a short temper) and I'm trying to be careful what I say but I'm so tired of all this sh#t! I'm trying to hold on to a thread, I don't even have anywhere to go if I do get kicked out: my friends are either overseas or somewhere on holiday around the country and the only other family member I have in Aus is my brother, but he's abusive and treats me like dirt so there's no point of asking him for help.
i really wish i could offer you a place to stay.... :/ i wish i knew Brisbane better so i could recommend somewhere for you to go, but i've only been here for 2~ years... that said, looking into the advice that's been given to you in your other thread, i have to agree 100% with wandering. i know that to you going to the hospital seems like you'd be relinquishing control over your situation, but right now the hospital does look like a much safer place than your home, sadly. and no one-- NO ONE would be disappointed in you for getting help when you need it, especially not your psych. please, please prioritize your own safety and needs above what you think anyone else may or may not think. please do not be afraid of taking advantage of what the hospital has to offer you. they only want to help you, not control you.
That's ok, I appreciate ur kindness and thoughfulness. I'm actually really thinking about going to hospital starting next week, a few days will be ok, yeah? I'm going to see how the rest of the day goes and sleep on it then I will let u know tomorrow. Thank u so much for your support. Xx
