...wha.! Way to shorten a tittle :lol: Anyhow, I'm a transgender guy; transgender as in I didn't ever seriously consider a full transition (hormones, name change etc) but I'm really at ease with being a man in a female form. Yes I do usually experience dysphoria but it's basically not in my top life priorities at all to transition due to costs and efforts I would have to put in it; I usually go more with the attitude of doing with what I have and f... what people will think. Also, my friends, wife and kids know I'm male and consider me as such, pronouns and so on. I'm the dad, at home. Now, that's here it gets more complicated: My family has the hardest time with it ever, especially since I've become a dad (had kids). It seems like the most they try to understand the farthest away they go and the most they reject me. I've been completely rejected by my mom this year; and not only about being trans* but about everything that I am, including the way I raise my kids. My sister who's very well taught and highly open minded and intelligent even believes that me and my wife are confusing our kids with gender issues, me being the dad and still looking over all like a woman. Now, our kids are still very young and not in age to go to school yet but I envision it getting more complicated as they do. Lots of explaining to do from my part to other parents, teachers and others... doctors, swimming teachers... and facing the fact that not many other parents want to expose their kids to the notion of trans*. Hell, not many parents want to expose their kids to the notion that not everybody is straight! And I'm socially supposed to respect that. I'm already facing lots of discrimination because in addition to not conform to base female gender roles, I DARE to claim to be a guy (and, worse even, a dad! :eek: ) who doesn't plan on fully transitioning. That means that I don't even fit in the transsexual stereotypes. :dry: Do you understand that I'm kind of forcefully thrown into a social fight right then, just by being who I am? And very honestly I don't really want to invest myself that much to have non-gender-conforming people like me to be more accepted. I'm not investing only myself in there but also my whole family and what I want least of all is it to harm my daughters in any way, shape or form. For the first time in my life I'm actually considering transition, and will at least go see a gender therapist to sort it out. To just swallow the pill and finally totally fit in the male social mold (as in, passing 100%) now seems like it would be the lesser evil of the two. The two choices being One: to carry on like that and being the dad that looks like a woman and make it tough for everyone to accept/live with it, or Two: to transition despite my not absolutely feeling the need for it, and just go on with our lives as any normal guy should. :bang: Surely other trans* people have struggled with this? And what did you do?
Whilst I've always wanted to transition, I'd say do what you feel would be right for YOU. Nobody can force you to do so. Remove everyone else from the equation for a moment and then think about it again. If you don't want to transition then, don't. It's not for everyone. If you do, go for it. Be a little selfish for a moment. Nothing else should dictate what you do. Remember that being transgender is about what's on the inside. You're a guy and it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. No one can tell you otherwise.
And can you tell me why I should choose to be selfish about something that does greatly affect the people I love around me? Being a parent changes everything; I don't have only myself to consider anymore. But if the people around me didn't matter and that it still didn't matter what they think I wouldn't transition. I mean, I know who I am and what I am and I don't (didn't...) feel the need to prove it to people. I wouldn't pollute my body with hormones and go through puberty again; I would just leave my boobs and genitals alone too. It's not like I could twitch my fingers and magically transform myself in the cisgendered man I should have been, so... But full transition would definitively make me feel better in my body, there's no doubt about that at all. It was just very very very low in my priorities. We live in a social world though and just being myself does lead to bad stuff, like being discriminated for jobs and apartments, before even being discriminated as a dad and the consequences it has on my wife and kids. Certainly now I'm in a crossroads and I need to choose which path is the less worse for me because there is no perfect solution. I'm a very very good dad, too. And an extremely prideful one. To expose myself publicly as possibly being less-of-a-dad is quite enraging to me, even if that's just because people are ignorant. I want to be given the same chance as any other man to appear as being a proper, good dad for my kids, and that my kids would be proud that I'm their dad, too. I think that it's what matters most to me.
It seems to me that the pros of transitioning outweigh the cons of not doing so. Not only will it put some of your dysphoria ease but it will allow you to feel more comfortable with your role as a dad and will benefit your family . I would say go for it. It seems you have more to gain in doing so.
i guess i get what you meen exept i dont have kids but i do have a brother who is in reception(think thats kindergarten to you) who i practically raised for like 2 yearss when my mum was a little absent and his dad worked away for 6 month periods. wish he was mine, i woulda done a better job. anyway i hate the fact that hegoes t school and talks about me. says im his bro, that he goes on days out with his brother and his girlfriend. yet he is always corrected by his teachers and friends who know of my female apperance as i do drop offs and pick ups at the school. he is just so confused and its really unfair on him. he got sent out of class for shouting at the teacher that i am a boy. i have always wanted to transition but planned on waiting til i had finished college and got out of my mums house. but i really want to hurry it up so he doesnt have to grow up and see my female to male transition. he won't remember and i can just tell him ive always been male. so im not pushed into it but just to speeden things up. i cant imagine what it must be like to be a father and have to try and protect your children from these things as well as doing whats best for you.but all can say isif yourgonna do it,do itwhile their young.
I was just trying to see if it'd help clear your mind or help make a decision. I don't fully understand the responsibilities of having children, not having any myself, so my words may be just a verbal representation of me flailing blindly. I still think if you really don't want to transition you shouldn't force yourself, but from your second post it seems to me that it's not that you have too strong an aversion to it and it would help you feel better about yourself. With that, I think that you might be thinking it'd be best for you to do so as well. If it's what you want to do, go for it.
is transitioning a low priority because of the cost and time investment? if that is the case, then you may have to view it as time and money spent not just on yourself, but for your children's benefit as well.
..that, yes, and the possible effects on my health, as well as having to go through the whole puberty thing again. But yes I'm beginning to see it as a worthy investment instead. ---------- Post added 28th Dec 2012 at 11:35 AM ---------- What you're describing sounds exactly like what I fear could happen. Anyhow, first step is to see the therapist...
