First off, I currently live in California, but I'm staying in South Dakota at the moment to visit family for the holidays. My sister and brother-in-law (who have no idea I'm attracted to women) want me to stay with them and move up here. At first it was just in a joking tone, but lately I've been seriously contemplating moving up here. When I told my sister last night (granted I've been thinking about this for quite some time, not just on the trip here, but I'm really enjoying the town...) she encouraged me to stay with her and her husband. They just had a child, but they told me I could help out with my nephew at their place until I get on my own two feet. Honestly, I feel it would be more logical to live up here and am considering moving up in the Summer when my family comes up here again. Pros: -A lot of jobs (I've applied to so many in California and no responses), -I could be independent (this is a major one as I'm almost 21 and want to live on my own), -I have family here I could stay with. -Other than family and friends, I really have nothing keeping me in California, -MUCH safer here when it comes to crime, etc. -Everything's cheaper! (apartments etc) -I could come back to California cuz I know my parents wouldn't mind taking me back in if it's not for me here. Cons: -No LGBTQ community (major red state and red flag!) -I'd miss family/friends/dog and they'd miss me (I couldn't bring my dog cuz he's terrified of thunderstorms which there are here) -I'm TERRIFIED to move forward because I'd have to do so pretty much alone -Family here doesn't know about my attractions, and I more than likely wouldn't be able to find a partner here. -The cost of moving out here (gas prices if I drive up, etc) and I'm pretty poor. -I'd have to find a new church/leave volunteering. (this one's not such a biggie, but I do like volunteering where I do.) Anyway, that's my current list. I think the Pros outweigh the Cons, as most of the Cons are rooted in fear/sadness. Sorry that was so long. I really need advice and as many points of view possible before I make any decisions! Please help! :help:
I'd have to say, if there's nothing keeping you in California except a few things, go. But it isn't that simple. The whole LGBT aspect of yourself would change radically because you'd be hiding yourself. I would also consider that finding even a date would be less likely (although not impossible in this age of the internet). You'd also have to consider if your family there found out how they would react. While as a Californian I sympathize with the crime rate, that's not really a reason to move beyond a few miles. And another thing (although it's pretty abstract) is....is there really that much to do in North Dakota? You'd have to think about what kind of stores, restaurants, and as you mentioned, churches they have there compared to California.
i'll be honest.... my initial thoughts were: - California vs. South Dakota...? really...?? it'd almost be like moving to a different country. - if you'll be living with your sister and her family, that's hardly independence or living on your own... you'd still be under someone else's roof and under someone else's rules. if i were you (which i'm obviously not, so take this as worth a grain of salt), i would stay in Cali. not necessarily where you are now (living with your parents?), but i wouldn't move to SD. you said there would be more job opportunities in SD, but would there be jobs in the specific field that you want to get into? are you thinking about going to college in the future? have you looked into the options you'd have in SD? i've never been to SD so this may just be ignorance on my part, but i would think that California would have more to offer someone in terms of schooling and employment, even if things are really competitive on the employment front in Cali. even if jobs are more easily gotten in SD, that wouldn't be of much consolation if they won't eventually get you to where you want to be in the future... :/ also, as you pointed out, there would be the issue of not only your family in SD accepting you, but the community there in general. i don't know if i could deal with being back in the closet, having to come out again and then having to deal with a community that is more than likely less tolerant than what i'm used to. also keep in mind that your sister invited you to live with her under the assumption that you were straight (or at least would act straight. i think i read in another thread that she suggested you shouldn't act on your feelings for women??). what if (and i really hate to suggest that this might even happen, but it very well could) when you come out to her she asks you to remain in the closet or leave...? after all, although you are her sister you would still be a guest in her home.... i don't know. :/ after having said all that and mulling over your situation a bit more, i really think that only you can make the decision that is right for you and input from others won't really help. in fact, i'm sure you're already leaning one way or another on the matter. you should do what you think is best for you. it's good that you'll have the option to change your mind if things don't work out in the end. best of luck!
