Hey every one , I've been coming to terms with my sexuality in that I like sex with and kissing men. I still however have difficulty with the thought of dating men I always thought I would date girls , I love girls company and they are nurturing and beautiful but when comparing intimacy I have always found kisses to feel deeper with men. The sex to I feel very close to the guy until climax then I feel awkward. With my ex girlfriend I felt the sex was just sex no real intimacy or depends felt with men yet I did not feel awkward just knew something was missing.when I fantasise I get the most out of thinking of guys I'm sexually attracted to from uni. I can't help but wonder how attracted I am to women now though I see a picture of a naked woman and I am less if at all turned on than I am seeing an erect man with a nice firm butt. I feel I'm in denial of being gay but keep second guessing myself. Any ideas I like a girl ATM but not sexually attracted to her tried to think of her in that way but men overcome that with plain lust , when I was with my girlfriend I used to fantasise about men when on my own and talk to her about my concerns about sexual feelings for men.
Sounds like the majority of your sexual attraction is towards other males so I suspect you are either gay or bi with gay leanings.
It sounds like you are primarily interested in men. It's common for the idea of dating the same sex to feel strange at first--it just isn't what we are taught to expect in life. Since you are pretty clearly interested in men, maybe you could just go with that for a while and see how it goes. Regarding the girl you are thinking about, consider this--how would you feel about it if you found out that the person you were dating wasn't attracted to you sexually? Would that really be a fair thing to do to the girl? I really think it's best to only date people that you are at least somewhat attracted to physically. Otherwise it's not fair to either of you. Everything in your post is about being attracted to men and not to women. So, that would mostly lead me to think that you are probably gay.
So would calling my self gay be accurate ? Kinda feel like I'm lying to myself saying I'd rather go with girls sexually
Well, just thinking about yourself as a gay person will help. And learn about other gay people and gay history. Positive images of gay people will help. It would help a LOT to be able to talk about it with someone in real life. You don't have to rush on that, but you might want to think about if there is anyone you could consider telling, or look to see if there are support groups or anything like that in your local community. If you do decide to talk to someone, it will probably just be one person at first. It doesn't have to mean that you come out all at once.
The silly thing is most people know its me that isn't happy with it. I'm kind of intimidated by the idea of dating a guy because of the feeling of being less masculine. I know it is silly but I feel like I don't want to be different like what male friends might think although no negativity so far. I repressed my urges apart from fantasies till university and in my first year I couldn't take ignoring and repressing any more , but for some reason I still second guess myself tell myself that I could be happy not having sex with men
That's okay. It's true for a lot of us that we are kind of our own worst enemy in that way--self-acceptance is the biggest barrier to happiness. I'd recommend that you make some gay friends. That will help you see that gay men are not always less masculine than other men, and that the ones who are more feminine are awesome people anyway. Is there a group or activity you can join in your area?
Olls, I am always happy to find a post like this because it is almost exactly what I am going through. I am 20, attending a university, and still fully closeted. Sometimes when I hook up with a girl, I get aroused. For example, I remember my senior year in high school I was fingering a girl in the hot tub and I got a full erection. But, I could never just sit down and masturbate to a woman. I have hooked up with 2 men in the past, and both were completely unintentional and I had no idea that person was gay. But it was probably the most sexually satisfied I have ever been. All of my fantasies have to do with men...So, that is when I started to wonder, maybe I have such a strong desire to be with women that when I am actually hooking up with one, I can get aroused? But then sometimes, I'll like see an ad of a really sexy woman, or think about hooking up with a hot girl I know and I'll partially get aroused. It is possibly the most confusing thing I have ever had to deal with. And these days, it is easier said than done to "explore your sexuality". If i wasn't so insecure about it, I would be hooking up with men left and right to see if it was what I really wanted. I am pretty sure it is though. Anyway, hopefully you can relate to this post if anything else, sorry if it's no help.. ---------- Post added 28th Dec 2012 at 10:18 PM ---------- Just to clarify: by a strong desire to be with women, i mean the societal pressure I get to be straight and the implications that go along with being attracted to women. I want to get married, have kids, etc.
I'd say gay because I think what it is is likely that hook-ups and just sex with guys the awkwardness comes after for some. Me I can't create the full-on detachment of "anonymous" sex or "no strings attached". Likely when you find a guy you really like, the awkwardness may be less. I hope it'll work out for you though You'll figure it out eventually, promise.
Ask yourself this, "of I had to choose one which would it be?"of you have an answer i think you can figure it out. I am bi, I can't answer that, its who ever I fall in love with.that is bisexual.
I know EXACTLY what your going through I feel the same thing with women to men. I like women but also second thought myself
Sexually I don't think I can repress my desire to be with men , I have tried in the past just ends up hurting me.Erik I understand that societal pressure , I have been with 7 guys over the last 3 years mostly hookups so that could cause awkwardness I guess. Thanks to everyone for your input think I know where my desires lay now xx ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2012 at 09:50 AM ---------- Also I have met a lot of gay guys through date sites and met one or two , the biggest difference in uni though was in my first year I was finally free to explore. I noticed how much I was thinking of men during fantasy and also the drive to kiss men or feelings of closeness it was this that led me to try and been having sex with guys since xx
