The next big step...some advise please

It largely depends on the type of group you're in and the people running it. I'll share my stories, though I think they're rather dissimilar to stories others may have had.

When I was still only out to a couple of friends and working through all of that, I set up a "Peer Counselling" appointment through my school's LGBT center. It was basically a 1-on-1 with another trained LGBT student from the center for an hour. So I went in, sat down, and talked with this girl. Basically explained my story and where I wanted to go. She was really helpful because despite it being ridiculously nervewracking, she led the conversation well. They also had a strict rule on confidentiality, so pretty much as soon as we left the room she ignored me. Reassuring at the time.

This year, after having been out to pretty much everyone, I decided to try something more public. My school's LGBT group has something called "Newcomers Meetings", which are half-hour meetings for people newly out or still coming out. So I went to the first one of the year and immediately felt out of place. Most of the people there were in their first year (I'm in my third year), which was fine. But I guess the way the facilitators run the meeting is that they just go with the flow and talk about whatever the group wants to talk about. Collectively, a lot of people were talking about what they did during frosh week and how coming to university was like and their experiences being out in high school. Despite being heavily involved in frosh week myself 2 years in a row, I was too nervous to say anything the whole time. I never went back for another meeting.

So now, I'm unsure of what to do. I think I'm going to start volunteering at the center - it'll force me to go and meet new people. But I guess the moral of the stories is that you really get out of it what you put into it. Go in with an open mind, be willing to participate, and you might just find you like it. And if you don't, you can at least say you tried.

Good luck!

 

JohnJuan,

Well, I plan on having a sit-down talk today with two gay friends that I have. I plan on exposing a lot of the skeletons in my closet that I have been ignoring for a long time. I'm expecting that I'll be pretty emotional, but maybe I'll be able to hold it together. I'm hoping that actually saying things to real people will force me to accept myself in order to move forward. It'll just be me and them, and "what happens in Vegas will stay in Vegas." I'll let you know how it turns out.

 

JohnJuan / CVT, when I came out to a guy man I work with, it was to me an even bigger burden lifted from my shoulders than when I first started telling straight friends. For some reason I found it harder to confide in this guy despite knowing beyond all doubt that he would be supportive. In turn though, he's introduced me to his friends, and helped me explore gay bars etc, and it's been a great help. Instead of being all alone like I've been all my life, I have a group of new friends (as well as my old friends obviously) who accept me for who I am, and understand what I've been going through these past few months. It's helped me come to terms with who I am, and helped me realise that I can be happy as a gay man.

Hope it works out for you both (*hug*)

 

Well, I did it. I sat down with my two friends and told them I was gay. I mean, it wasn't all just quick like that. It was pretty much 45 minutes of agonizing and then roundabout getting to it. And then it was mostly me weeping, and hyperventilating, and trembling with the holding of my head in my hands, etc. I really didn't get much sleep last night either. Maybe 4 hours. Whoever invented feelings should be taken out into the street and shot...lots of times. So far, I can't just stop crying like I'm some goddamn woman. I guess I feel better. Maybe it will take a couple of days to sink in.