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Hey Aces, Gray-As & Demis! - Relationships with Sexuals?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by curlycats, Dec 28, 2012.

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  1. curlycats

    curlycats
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    for those who don't know:
    Aces - Asexuals
    Gray-As (aka "Graces") - Gray-Asexuals
    Demis - Demisexuals

    for more information: Under the Ace Umbrella: Demisexuality and Gray-asexuality | Asexuality Archive
    Gray-A/Demisexuality Awareness! - YouTube

    -------------------

    anyway...! i have a question for all you Aces, Gray-As and Demis out there:

    have you had relationships with Sexuals? if so, have you found your sexuality has ever hindered such a relationship?

    i'd also love to hear from any sexuals out there who have been on the other side of this situation.


    i suspected since high school that i was some kind of asexual (i wish the terms gray-asexual & demisexual had existed back then!) and in every intimate relationship i've had (which has always been with sexuals) my sexuality, even before i really knew what it was, has always posed a bit of a problem. :/ compromises would be made, but it's always been hard for me to tell whether or not my partner was really satisfied with them in the long run.

    i made it a point to point out my demisexuality (although i didn't know that term at the time) to my current partner before commencing our relationship and he said he was fine with it. however, 4 years later i'm concerned that he may not really be satisfied with the (in)frequency of which we have sex...? which isn't to say that i haven't flat out asked him, because i have and he said it was fine, but somehow i feel like it might really not be.... i'm also starting to think that maybe he doesn't really understand just how "deep" my demisexuality goes... by which i mean, that it's really far more than just a weak sex drive. perhaps it's time we sat down and had another talk about this... :confused:

    but anyway, i'm wondering if anyone else has had similar/related problems...? or is it just me. :dry:
     
    #1 curlycats, Dec 28, 2012
  2. The Escapist

    The Escapist
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    I don't really have anything to say here but free bump.

    I'm gray-A, before I knew that term I identified as bi leaning on asexual. Sure explains why I was never interested in dating. That, and most of my romantic attraction is for girls and I was not thinking about that back when I thought it was wrong. Or I didn't think about it because other people thought it was wrong.

    ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2012 at 12:52 PM ----------

    I like Disney channel, sex doesn't exist there. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 The Escapist, Dec 31, 2012
  3. curlycats

    curlycats
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    thanks for sharing. :slight_smile:

    "bi leaning on asexual".... i can't decide if i should use the term "demi-pansexual" or "pan-demisexual", as if it matters? lol

    i don't mind sex scenes in things, i just think "yadda yadda yadda, can we get back to the actual romantic stuff?" :wink:
     
    #3 curlycats, Dec 31, 2012
  4. Hexagon

    Hexagon
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    I'm aromantic. Thankfully. I don't expect to ever have to deal with this.

    I dunno about your partner in particular, but to be honest, most people just believe their awesome sex skills will make you sexual.
     
    #4 Hexagon, Dec 31, 2012
  5. curlycats

    curlycats
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    yeah, just like a lot of people assume someone's gay just because they haven't met the right person of the opposite sex yet. people sure are silly, to put it mildly. :rolle:

    thankfully my partner is nothing like that. if fact, we sat down and had a really long talk about asexuality/gray-asexuality/demisexuality/MY sexuality last night. he took it very well and was completely supportive, as always. :icon_bigg i'm so lucky to have him. :icon_redf
     
    #5 curlycats, Jan 1, 2013
  6. PurpleCrab

    PurpleCrab
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    You asked about the other side of this!

    Say, my wife is demi-sexual and I'm a very sexual person (as in, libido so high it can cause problems and has), but it functions wonderfully well between us. More so than with my exes who had a more "normal" libidos.

    How?
    For one, we acknowledge and are very accepting of each other's sex drives. I accept when she says no she doesn't feel for it, and she accepts when I say I'm desperate for it (in which case I'll get it sometimes in the same day, at least a hand, you know?).
    Also when one of us wants a hug or to cuddle, we always go for it. It may not be sexual but it's still closeness and it works. She encourages my masturbating the most often possible and we are also an open marriage, so when I go out to have an encounter she feels relieved the pressure is off from her, so to say.

    All in all, neither me or her are uncomfortable with the situation; it really rolls smoothly.

    I'm just saying: it can work!! :smilewave
     
    #6 PurpleCrab, Jan 1, 2013
  7. curlycats

    curlycats
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    thanks a lot for sharing, PurpleCrab. it means a lot to me to hear that others have found a way to make it work. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 curlycats, Jan 1, 2013
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