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Closet Case story: He blushed...?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Throwawayy, Dec 28, 2012.

  1. Throwawayy

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    Hi everyone I just have a quick story to share with you and i request you give me your opinion. So ive had this crush on this guy in my grade (junior year of high school(11th)) for a few months and i was never sure if he was gay or not. Hes fairly shy, has never had a girlfriend (or boyfriend), doesnt show much interest in girls or guys, talks dirty sometimes, somewhat lacking social skills, and has an average appearance (just to give some context about him). I'd like to mention that I first thought he was gay or bi because he used the same strategy as i did before i came out of the closet this past summer: just act disinterested. Anyways, after asking around my network of close friends, no one knew for sure, but they could definitely "see" him being bi or gay. After several weeks, i finally felt ballsy enough to just ask him the question "Are you gay, bi, or straight?" I chatted with him casually one day until we reached our lockers and just said something like "hey i have a question. So are you gay, bi, or straight?" This happened at our lockers after school in the hallway where people were walking to and from classes, but it was noisy so i figured almost no one would overhear our conversation. Almost immediately after i finished the question, he said "straight, why?", and blushed and smiled at me. There was an awkward second or two where i managed to say something like "oh, uh, i just heard...", but luckily someone else came over and interrupted our conversation. My conversation with my crush ended there and i just left. At first i took the answer at face value, but as i walked to the buses i began to wonder if the time and place were wrong to elicit a truthful response, and more importantly why he blushed...

    Now, im waiting for winter break to be over to let some tension die down after i asked him that question, and i think i should treat him as straight for the tome being and let him come out to me on his own when hes ready. However i want to know if you wonderful forumites think im crazy for thinking his blush meant anything and for thinkin he may actually be in the closet.

    I didnt bother including any background story where i think hes hitting on me because its always just wishful thinking that doesnt really help anything. Finally, excuse me for the sloppiness of this post; i'm typing from a mobile device. Honesty is appreciated and thanks!

    ***Oh i forgot to mention: he knows im gay and doesnt seem to have an issue with it since you could consider me a "straightacting" gay
     
    #1 Throwawayy, Dec 28, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2012
  2. Ianthe

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    The blushing could easily be because he thinks (rightly) that you are interested in him. That always makes people blush.

    Would he have a problem with it if you were more feminine?
     
  3. Throwawayy

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    Yeah hes a smart guy so he probably had an instinctive thought immediately that i may have been interested ( i am...but im trying to get over him while getting some closure out of this situation). As for your question, hes "hard to crack" as one of my female friends (who is friends with him) puts it. I dont know his preference on masc or fem guys, but he doesnt seem to have a problem with my personality as it is now. Keep in mind that this situation occurred in a matter of 5 seconds from when i asked the question and when i left, so now im curious if he actually connected the dots to surmise Im into him that quickly. Do you think his blush meant he was lying to me?
     
  4. Throwawayy

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    Im going to go to bed, so i know people might not see or read this thread, but in the end, what should i plan to do when i get back to school this january? Should i get over him completely or consider him to be in the closet and wait?
     
  5. mithrandir

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    I know that I blush like mad when anyway asks my orientation and I reply straight, if it helps :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  6. Asari

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    I blushed a little reading this. I thought it was hella cute!
    Now I'm not sure if the blush means anything. Maybe he is straight and just embarrassed that you asked. But then again I always blush when cute girls ask me what I am into. :wink: that probably didn't help at all sorry.
     
  7. Throwawayy

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    True, closeted guys probably would blush when asked about their orientation, but so would some straight guys maybe. Thanks for all of your input. I think I'll just consider him straight and wait until he comes out of the closet to pursue him further.
     
  8. teluphone

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    I don't usually blush when asked though because sometime it can be mere curiosity instead of atttaction but that's my opinion
     
  9. Throwawayy

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    @teluphone: Well, maybe that's because you're more secure about your sexual orientation than he is? For example, I don't really get nervous when people ask about my orientation because I'm out and fine with saying "Yeah I'm gay."

    So ultimately I think the conclusion is that he blushed because he got nervous or embarrassed for reasons undetermined.

    If you want me to, I could keep this story updated when I go back to school...
     
  10. Tails Luver

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    Well, I used to blush when people would ask me if I'm gay, but I haven't had anyone ask me since I started coming out, so I don't know if I'd still blush when I answer yes (I tell people I'm gay for simplicity). But anyway, with the blushing, he might have just been embarrassed by the question. You kinda did put him on the spot. I hate to tell you that, but that might be what happened. Now he could be a closeted LGBT, but we wouldn't be able to tell at this point in time. I think, for the time being, you should consider him straight. Just my advice. ^_^
     
  11. Throwawayy

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    Thanks for the reply Tails Luver. I agree that I shouldn't jump to conclusions so early. My gut tells me that he is closeted based on his personality, but I'll have to assume "straight" for the time being. To be honest, I mainly wanted to just ask the question to get him thinking about if he's in the closet. For instance, years before I came out, a friend asked me if i was gay and I denied it but I did start thinking. If I ever bring this issue to a close (by 100% affirming his sexuality), I'll definitely necro this thread and let everyone know what happened in the end.
     
  12. Tails Luver

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    No problemo. :icon_bigg I kinda have the same issue with my crush, except that I haven't asked him about his orientation. I'm too nervous to do so, especially since I haven't come out to him yet, but my gut tells me he's gay, too, although I have to assume he's straight, too. So I can kinda sympathize with you on this.
     
  13. Throwawayy

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    Oh cool we're in similar situations. However, I never actually came out to him; he just liked something on facebook relating to me coming out. Maybe you should casually find a way to mention your homoromanticism or bisexuality by being like "So uh yeah, I could go either ways," or something. Lol I got impatient so I just straight-up asked him, but judge your situation wisely.

    Well that was off-topic. Good luck to us both!
     
  14. Divopix

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    I'm in some what of the same situation, but a few steps ahead. I already assumed he was straight when I had the feeling that he is gay/bi but I haven't yet asked him. However, as we grew closer over the past months, he became extremely touchy and he's always cuddling with me. His friends said that they've always had a feeling he could be gay/bi and that this kind of proves it.

    I haven't asked him if he's gay/bi or made any moves on him because we are still young and I feel as if it's his decision whether he'd like to come out to me or not. I say you just have to wait and see if he comes to you. Hint at it now and then.

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  15. Throwawayy

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    Haha wow im actually smiling right now because it's as if we have 3 guys in 3 different "phases" of this situation! Thank you so much for your advice-- I swear you sound like you could be me from the future! He's a really chill guy so I'm sure i could hint at it sometimes. I'm both excited for the future, yet nervous because I'm not sure if it's going to be awkward at all around him after I asked him. He never mentioned it to me in the days that followed, but I could sense some awkward tension. Hopefully he's thinking about this a bit less than me and everything will be back to normal after this winter break is over.
     
  16. Divopix

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    What I found to be really funny was the fact that your description fits exactly to my guy as well. I think finding someone who is "straight" and falling for them because you have this feeling that they're gay/bi is the best way to find someone. I find that most of the time that that feeling is usually right!

    The only difference I see between our situations is that you're openly gay and I'm (if you must define it) bisexual. I don't feel the need to tell anyone, but my friends do know about my gay experiences so hopefully this will be easier for you seeing that he knows your sexual orientation. Keep us updated! I want to know how it all plays out :slight_smile:
     
  17. Throwawayy

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    Wow im trying not to get my hopes up now but im really excited! I'll definitely update this thread once school starts up again and let everyone here know if anything happens or not. I shouldnt really expect quick results though: hes a fairly reserved guy. But there's always hope he cones to terms with his orientation and tells me.
     
  18. Divopix

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    I had no intentions on actually being this close to my friend! Hell, I didn't even think we'd be friends because he is also extremely shy and all but now he stays the night and spoons me and holds my hand and everything hehe.

    Don't look too hard for signs though, just let it all roll into place. If it's meant to be then yay for you, if not, there are always many more "straight" guys to crush on :wink:
     
  19. Throwawayy

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    Haha yeah i'll have to just stay chill around him as always. I'll wait and see what happens and try not to overanalyze things. In fact, i only get hot and nervous when i think about him, not when i'm around him. Although i do get a little nervous.

    One time a few months ago we were at a party and he greeted me and he held his hand out for a handshake and i think i hesitated for half a second but i hope he didnt notice. (Yeah i got nervous just shaking his hand lol). Then he said "[name of girl who is friends with him who knows im into him] said to give you a hug for her." And at that point i got nervous that she told him i liked him (which she didnt) and said "why?" And he just shrugged and we didnt hug cuz you know, guys dont hug. (I really wish we hugged). And theres more background story where we're almost casually flirting but at this point it's just a bunch of fluff.
     
  20. Divopix

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    Ahhh awkward "straight" guys are so damn cute!

    Weird....all my guys friends hug each other hahah.