The Straight Dilemna

....i'm going to be blunt. sorry if this hurts or offends you.

as much as you love her and as awesome as she otherwise is, i personally would not want to be with someone who is incapable of accepting me and loving me for what i am. period. it would put not only myself but also the other person into a very uncomfortable situation if not now than in the future and i just wouldn't compromise myself for such partial love/happiness.

you say you don't want to lie, but you don't want to tell her the truth either.... the only option i see, then, is to break up with her under vague pretenses of incompatibility (because that's what it really is/would be from her POV, just leave out the details), or find some other truthful reason, but breaking up is what i feel you will have to do and should do sooner than later if you really want to avoid having to confess your biological gender. if you really love her, you should stop things from progressing anymore than they already have because the deeper you two go, the bigger the hole in her heart will be when things do eventually end.

sorry, but just my 2c. i wish i could be more positive....

 

How long have you & her been together? IMO, I think she deserves to know, she has a right to know. I understand how you feel, but you're omitting the truth from her, which is the same thing as lying. She's going to feel totally betrayed because she thinks you're biologically male. She has the right to decide if she wants to be with you and I can see why you're hesitant to tell her. It's a very difficult thing to explain, but if she really cares about you, perhaps she will be accepting of you. I know, I've dated women I would have never given a chance, but personality matters more. Also, how that person makes you feel. I'm not saying confess tomorrow, but if you ever wanna be with her irl, then she needs to know.

 

Ah, you have the same situations like me last year. Really the same. I thought its only me who ever do that. I completely understand those feelings...

 

Most people dont have the capacity for loving someone for who they are and not what they perceive them to be. Shes expecting a boy to show up. Just like i need to accept that im not a 'real boy' because i wasnt born one, you need to tell her the truth about your gender identity. She may be mad but shes gonna find out sooner or later.

 

it is never your only hope left.

honesty to yourself. she did break up. she did reunite. and if she does truly love you enough she will struggle with this a lot before saying absolute no or yes. anybody saying easily no and not changing mind after a few days does not have enough invested in the relationship.

you deserve true love. and it can exist. you should not put all eggs in one basket.

 

I had no idea she didn't know you were biologically female. I assumed she lived long distance and and saw you once in a while, since you said you couldn't wait for her to get home so you two could be intimate. I guess I misunderstood. :/
This is a very tough situation, and I'm sorry you're in it. You have shared a lot about yourself and you put your trust in me to know the information given. But I consider you my friend, even though we have just met, and I hate that you're going through such an awful situation.
I haven't read through the whole thread, so I don't know the type of advice people have given you, nor do I know what your responses were. So here's my advice... I think you should tell her. I know this may seem like an impossible decision because you love her, but she deserves to know. She probably won't accept the fact that you're not a man physically. And I know you're probably frustrated that she most likely won't accept it, even though you view yourself as genderless. But what you have to understand is that most people see gender as an important thing, even if you believe it's wrong. Later on she might realize that she really does love you no matter what gender you are physically.
What I want to know is... Were planning on telling her eventually? I mean, I'm sure you would want something more than just a verbal relationship.

I tried sending this in a private message but, for some reason, I was denied permission.

 

Well I personally would tell her the truth and I know you don't want to let go , people have told me to let go of my ex and I just can't , I put a lot into the 2 of us.

I'm here if you want

 

well , you can try....hey.... haven't told her about how im on empty closets and how i am still sort of questioning....i mean i do have feelings for her but i don't tell her im still questioning because ...you know...

i guess not questioning but accepting

 

yeah , if she doesn't accept you , i wouldn't think she's worth it. you need someone who accepts you for you....my ex accepts me for who i am and i accept her

 

Only those who are adults and apply for full membership can PM other full members.

 

well if you lose a friendship over being pan-gender , i know he may think you were lying to him but maybe he should see where your coming from , i know it's not easy. your in a difficult situation and if he refuses to see it from your side , fuck him.