Hi fellow EC'ers. Some of you may have read previous posts about a crush I have nd how to tell him etc and stuff. Now I'm posting because I really don't know what's going on, and need some advice. I have a crush on my supposedly 'straight' friend, and felt he had feelings towards me because of his behaviour towards me. We talked everyday, hung out with each other at every opportunity, and there was a want to be around each other. That was back in the summer. Recently he's seemed distant (won't chat much, hardly replies to messages at all on FB, and in fact, doesn't even read them most of the time now. He has also turned off the chat feature for me, never replies to texts etc.). If we talk, its usually me starting the convo. Recently I feel that I just don't think he even wants to be friends any more. I saw he was online on FB the other night and sent him a message, he did reply and we chatted briefly. As soon as I mentioned hanging out he went quiet and stopped replying. I tried to get his attention back but to no avail. In the end I sent him a long message asking what have I done to him, is he pissed off at me for something and why is he being the way he is toward me (not in an aggressive way). The next morning he replied saying that he just don't wanna chat to ppl sometimes and that he's not pissed at me at all and said it was his connection which is why he didn't reply. I replied, and said when he's free to give me a shout. He read the message (thru noticing the seen at....) but didn't say anything. He says he just doesn't want to chat to ppl but I think its just me he doesn't want to chat to anymore. He continues to chat to others fine as I see comments nd stuff he posts. This is on top of the fact he never replies to texts and when I ring him recently he doesn't answer. What do I do now? I'm starting to worry that I'm going to lose another friend. The past three nights I've cried myself to sleep because I'm scared I've ruined our friendship in some way. It's also pushing me into thinking that I'm not liked by anyone nd that the world would be a better place without me :tears: I've tried to avoid contacting him and give him some space....even tho its hard to. I don't want to lose his friendship. Do I leave it and let him contact me, or give it a few more days and contact him? What can I do to show him I can be a gd friend nd go back to enjoying the gd times we had back in the summer? Yes I love him to bits, but I care more about just being friends at the mo. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks (*hug*)
Hmm it's really hard to tell exactly whats going on in his mind. Does he know of your sexual orientation?
Hi Throwawayy He doesn't know......I almost came out to him once, but bottled it right at the last minute for some reason, after he asked what was up nd I replied I can't say because I thought it would ruin our friendship. Even if I did tell him at the time, I think he would have prob taken it better than if I told him now. We seemed much closer at the time and he comforted me at the time with his arm around me cos he saw I was down. Since I posted the original message I've seen him with some other mates, stopped to say hi and chatted briefly, and as I left asked him to give me a ring when he finished work that evening. He said maybe, so didn't expect anything. I got a text late last night saying he'd only just finished so ain't ringing, haha, speak tomoz. I replied to say that was fine nd yeah speak tomoz. Today has been and nearly gone, and I've heard nothing. I said to myself I wouldn't ring him in case he did. By this evening I still hadn't heard anything so gave it a shot....and as feared, no answer or reply to a text. I'm so frightened that something is wrong. I'm alone on new years eve which is bad enough, but to then have him on my mind too is so upsetting.
I would say to give him some space and let him message you. Seems like you have been initiating the conversation most the time, and you even told him to give you a shout. It is in his hands, but constantly bugging him may make it worse. Let him take care of what ever is going on in his life and talk to you. This is not your fault, people simply change over time. Change is normally not a bad thing, but I guess in this case I can see why you would think it is. Change is unavoidable, it comes as people grow up. Just give him space and don't blame yourself, for you have no blame to take. Shouldering that is a good and fast way to become depressed.
Thanks TroubledRyan, I left him alone for a while, until I got a phone call from him at the end of last week and told me how he was and that something had happened to him that day while he was out. As a result, I paid him a visit and he seemed happy to see me. We made the decision to try and catch up today. So, this afternoon I tried to contact him as arranged.....nothing.....sent a text.....nothing. Left it until this evening nd tried again. Again nothing. Not even a text to say that tonight wasn't going ahead. I'm starting to believe that he actually doesn't care about being friends nd actually hates me. What's next for our friendship? I've been once again left feeling upset that something has happened to cause this.
Well, if something caused this it is no longer relivent. Relationships (nearly no matter what kind) is a two way street. If he isn't going to put time into it then it is not worth presueing. Now there can be something going on in his life where he is just having a hard time talking to you. However, to me it looks like he is just dragging you along to see if he still has you wrapped around your fingures. I would stop talking to him. He seems like a douche. I'm sorry man.
Well......Following on from that night, the day after, he messaged me. We spoke for ages online about general stuff. It was great. I asked him what happened to our plans the day before. He explained what happened, which was an on the spur of the moment family night out. Kinda gutted, but got an apology out of it. Nd I did say that a text would have been nice which he acknowledged. Then we continued our convo. It's weird. I'm sooo confused. Sometimes we can actually have such a good relationship but then other times its like there's nothing there at all. Messaged him a few links last night nd wanted his thoughts, but then heard nothing back. I still think of the times when we phoned each other nearly day nd spoke online several times a week. I'm a very sensitive guy nd worry a lot about stuff....so even the smallest things freak me out. I've even asked him on a couple of occasions in the past if I've been a bad friend, if he's pissed at me for something and if I bother him. He's assured me every time that I'm being silly, paranoid and worry way too much. Is it just me? Am I to blame for some of the stuff that's happened? I dunno. Its not helped that we became mates from our passion for our favourite hobby, but haven't been able to do any of it because I've been busy the last month and a bit. I struggle with the fact that he recently seems to be getting very friendly with another guy we hang out with....he's liking lots of his stuff on fb, commenting on photo's nd status', which I see :icon_sad: which really gets me down at the mo, simply cos I feel like I'm missing out on a gd friend, if that makes sense. Sorry for another long drawn out post.....
There's nothing more demoralizing than an on-again/off- again friendship. I know this first hand.... even as an adult I've fallen into this cycle. Why not try pursuing other relationships, even if you want to continue this one? It doesn't have to be an either/or type thing. You can try to maintain this friendship. But, put a little more energy into developing others, too. This will give both of you a little breathing room. Also, TroubledRyan may be right. He could just be a douche. I may be wrong on the following, and I'm sure that if I am folks around here will correct me... Speaking from personal experience... If you do start working on other relationships, and you see him trying to ruin them for you, avoid him at all costs! Stop sharing any information with him about your other relationships. Avoid the temptation to "rub it in." Quit him "cold turkey." Someone like this can ruin your life and you will get nothing back from it. Just my opinion. Just my personal experience.
