I have this really horrible characteristic of never being faithful in a relationship. The one I am committed to right now is hard enough for me to stay true to even though I really like the guy and it is my first gay relationship. I constantly flirt with other gay guys who want to get in bed with me and I hate myself for doing it but at the same time I don't want to stop. When I identified as straight I sometimes had up to three girlfriends at a time just because I could. I need some tips and tricks of how to get my mind off of doing such thing with other people so I can stay truthful.
This is the concerning part for me. As with any piece of advice, people can't help someone unless that person actually wants help. Same goes here - I don't think any amount of suggestions from people will help you unless you actually want to stop. And if you don't want to stop, maybe you aren't ready to be in a committed relationship.
I am just overly confused about this whole thing and how I am supposed to do it because it is something new to be faithful to only one person.
If I was you, I would refrain from dating anybody, you don't want to hurt people that do want to be faithful, or think that you are. If you know you can't stay faithful, then find other people who don't want to be either, so nobody will be hurt in the end. Maybe you're just not looking for anything serious yet, but as you go on, it may change. If you don't want to stop, then chances are you won't. Just don't get other people's feelings involved in it if that's what you're looking for. Some people don't want to be committed, others do, I don't think there's tips towards being faithful, it's a matter of experience.
Don't just break up with him. Not if you really like him. I think you should tell him about your issue. See if you can resolve it together. Otherwise leave the ball in his court over what he wants to do. Also I don't think there's anything wrong with flirting personally. But it's if you act on it then there's a problem.
A couple of possibilities I see going on here. 1. Being emotionally close to one person is (perhaps at an unconscious level) scary for you. So by having multiple people, you provide yourself an "escape plan." No guy can get too close because there are always others competing for your attention. And by having more than one, you always have the option of "accidentally" letting the other ones know, thereby ending the relationships, and you have no commitment. That's actually not uncommon. 2. There's a psychological insecurity going on in which you somehow don't feel worthy, or like you're good enough to have a boyfriend, so you always have a couple of them around "in reserve" so that you'll never get hurt. They're sort of variations of the same thing. In either case, this is something I think you'd do well talking about with a therapist. I or one of the other EC advisor team might be able to help somewhat, but none of us are therapists so our advice and suggestions are limited. You can feel free to contact any of us if you'd like to talk.
I think I might would talk to your boyfriend too about this, so he knows what's up. Maybe it would help.
