Lately, more than ever, I've been realizing how much i have been running away from the fact that I am gay for my whole life. Now, that I am finally starting to face it, it is so fucking scary. I havn't come out to anyone yet, but I have kind of thought about coming out to my parents. But then, I'll just go through all these scenarios in my head. If i come out to my parents, I don't know how long I can go without telling other people (it would just be awkward to know that they know, and then I am still faking it to other people). So then, if I have to come out all at once, I don't want to do it yet because I love the fake straight life I live. I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I love going out to parties with my straight friends and doing what we do. I feel like when I come out, I am gonna be so insecure and awkward with everyone that I won't even be able to do any of that. How am I gonna be able to live with my 5 straight roommates without it being awkward as hell? They're just gonna think I want to get with them at all times. So that makes me think I want to wait until I graduate college, so i can basically escape all this awkwardness when I come out. Is this ridiculous?
This is exactly how I felt before I came out for the first time. I thought every single person I told would instantly feel uncomfortable with me, or not want to be associated with me. I would suggest telling someone who you know will be supportive. If this makes you better, when we worry about things, they usually turn out a lot less worse than how we thought they would turn out. Telling people I'm gay hasn't changed their opinions of me, if anything it has made our relationships stronger because they feel happy and proud that I was able to share that part of myself with them. It was harder telling my parents, I was so worried and they still accept me. I know it's really hard at first, and it may feel impossible, but it will get better with time. The first time, is definitely the hardest. And in all honesty, there never really is a perfect time to come out, just do it when you're ready. (*hug*)
