Is the feeling mutual?

Hi! It's my first post here in EC. I've been reading posts here for quite some time and now had the courage to seek help with you guys

I have this crush in our office but I never thought that I would fall for this guy. :bang: It all started with those weird stares by which he initiated at the pantry. He's a new hire on the other team. My gaydar turned on when I hear him speaking and having fun with his friends. I suspected him even more when he always make that stare on me then turns away immediately on me when caught. I actually have no intentions of getting close to him but I eventually did since I have this feeling that he might be a closeted gay too.

I started to get close to him and talk with him. We actually got close and there, I started to fall for him. I send text messages to him wondering what he's doing and I got surprised that he's replying too [Well, my other straight crushes didn't do that before]. We went home every night with his car and I got to know him very well (We're travelling on the same route). I feel comfortable with him. This trend continued until I asked him if he is courting someone and he said yes. I was shocked and felt really bad, but I played like everything was normal in front of him. I continued to care but of course not go overboard since I'm closeted. He started to get close to me too, every time we eat, I just get stunned when he places his legs beside me to the point that I cannot move my legs anymore. There was a time that he even twisted his legs around me and chooses to sit right next to me to have his legs in physical contact with mine. He does that every time and I observed that he doesn't do this to his other friends. I just acted normal every time he does this and he also acts like there's nothing happening. I also observed that I'm the only person who he posts jokes on my wall, comments on me and always gives me jokes in my FB account.

We continued to be like this for 5 months. There was one day when I saw him again staring but not a normal stare.. It's like staring for about 5 - 10 seconds which got me surprised and thinking that he could like me too. Until I got the news that he is in a relationship with the girl he's courting. :tears::tears: I just can't look at him that day but have to speak with him and congratulate him. The stares, I have avoided them that day and did not talked that much since then. He looks worried that day, I don't know if that's because he knows I like him. He messaged me both in FB and cellphone but I did not replied immediately. But I gave up and talked with him and acted normal after. We continued the stares, physical contacts and we actually got more closer after that day. We went to projects and activities which made me really happy actually.

One incident that I can't forget is when he has moved his hands towards mine without any reason. My heartbeat got really fast that time. During that time, somebody interrupted him but when he came back, he moved his hands again beside mine. I'm reallllllyyy confused with him. :help::help: He acts like he doesn't care but he actually is caring. I have asked him about his girlfriend but he avoids it. He even said one time that he doesn't want to go on their date because he's not interested. When I go to party with my friends he's asking me where did I go, or who I'm with sort of that. I don't know what he's up to whether is he jealous or what. I just hate him because of his stoic attitude but I wanted this to continue... But I know it can't. :bang::bang::bang:

Yesterday, he managed to go to his GF's home and visited her parents. I said Goodluck on him but he didn't reply. He seems cold to me this past few days. I don't know why. I have plans before of coming out to him and tell him that I like him.. But I'm scared that I'll lose him if this happens. Do you think guys that it's possible that he likes me too? I just can't think that a normal straight guy would do those things he does to me.. Would appreciate all your help!